Outlook: With the aid of a City banking analyst and a leading image consultant, I've plotted a route back to respectability for Fred Goodwin.
The standards are exacting, but if he's willing to give it a shot he might even get his knighthood back. For services to being splendid.
First, he goes on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and the public notes that he is willing to make fun of himself. Next, it's to The Secret Millionaire, where we see his caring, sensitive side and decide he is modest and charismatic. Then he aces Strictly Come Dancing with Angela Rippon. The boy can move. He's got rhythm.
Goodwin turns down all new money-making offers, instead becoming head of the Central Bank of Zimbabwe at a nominal salary of one Zimbabwe dollar. He turns the economy and the entire country around.
Then he enters Wimbledon (he's been practising) and sweeps past Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic (pictured) to the title. We start referring to him as British and concede that, while still a little Scottish around the edges, he has some good points.
If he falters at any stage down this road, he shall return to immediate disgrace. That's fair, right?