Simon English: There's a way back for Goodwin, via Zimbabwe
Thursday 02 February 2012
Outlook: With the aid of a City banking analyst and a leading image consultant, I've plotted a route back to respectability for Fred Goodwin.
The standards are exacting, but if he's willing to give it a shot he might even get his knighthood back. For services to being splendid.
First, he goes on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and the public notes that he is willing to make fun of himself. Next, it's to The Secret Millionaire, where we see his caring, sensitive side and decide he is modest and charismatic. Then he aces Strictly Come Dancing with Angela Rippon. The boy can move. He's got rhythm.
Goodwin turns down all new money-making offers, instead becoming head of the Central Bank of Zimbabwe at a nominal salary of one Zimbabwe dollar. He turns the economy and the entire country around.
Then he enters Wimbledon (he's been practising) and sweeps past Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic (pictured) to the title. We start referring to him as British and concede that, while still a little Scottish around the edges, he has some good points.
If he falters at any stage down this road, he shall return to immediate disgrace. That's fair, right?
- 1 What marriage would look like if we actually followed the Bible
- 3 The Chinese city where men have 'three girlfriends because there are so many women'
- 4 'Heartbreaking' Syria orphan photo wasn't taken in Syria and not of orphan
- 5 Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
Britain to take more refugees as Cameron bows to pressure after more than 250,000 back our campaign
Senior British politicians tell David Cameron: When dead children are being washed up on beaches – it's time to act
Jeremy Corbyn calls Osama bin Laden's killing a 'tragedy' - but was it taken out of context?
If these extraordinarily powerful images of a dead Syrian child washed up on a beach don't change Europe's attitude to refugees, what will?
If you're not already angry about the refugee crisis, here's a history lesson to remind you why you really should be
Make your voice heard: Sign The Independent's petition to welcome refugees
iJobs Money & Business
£16000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Foreign Exchange Dealer is re...
£20000 - £40000 per annum + OTE + Incentives + Benefits: SThree: Established f...
£20000 - £25000 per annum + OTE 40/45k + INCENTIVES + BENEFITS: SThree: The su...
£14000 - £16000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company was established in...