Finance: The true value of your well-crafted CV

THERE'S SOMETHING cruelly enjoyable in interviews. I don't mean when you're the one up for the job, of course. On those occasions you feel like a specimen in some far- distant laboratory being prodded by aliens to see what makes you tick, especially if you've watched too many episodes of Star Trek.

No, what makes me happy is making someone else squirm. It's not clever, it's not funny and it's certainly not kind - but it's definitely human. When you're little, the big kids pick on you and you go home and tell everyone how unfair it is. Then, when you're one of the big kids, instead of remembering how nasty it was to be picked on, you think: "Now it's my turn."

The subject has arisen because Rory has decided to beef up the team. The plan is to add two new members, a junior salesperson and another trader at my not-quite so-junior level, so we can pick up on business we might otherwise miss. "Well, it's either that or Rory's bored with our conversation," Findlay says. "More likely he knows we're bored of his," I say. "Needs new blood for those late-night drinking sessions."

Anyway, whatever the reason, we're wallowing in a sea of CVs from the usual sources: headhunters, people we've met at parties, that sort of thing. There are enough for Rory to decide that, while he deals with the search for the salesperson, Jaap and I should be in charge of the hunt for the baby trader.

So Rory has taken his paperwork to a local wine bar, and Jaap and I are holed up in the goldfish bowl, the small, stuffy glass box that passes for an internal meeting room.

"Good to see that the art of fiction writing isn't dead after all," says Jaap as he reads about yet another 22-year-old with a first-class Oxbridge degree, an MBA and five years' work experience. "Some of these CVs are amazingly creative."

It's not just the candidates who are a bit hazy about reality. I mean, you should just see some of the CVs sent in by job agencies and headhunters.

Some seem to hit the mark, it's true: we may even end up hiring one of the candidates if they don't mess up the interviews. The rest of the time, I'm depressingly reminded of estate agents.

You know, you ask for a two- bedroom garden flat close to an Underground station, and they send you particulars for top-floor studio apartments in Camberwell, where the only trains within reach are serving the Home Counties.

"Ooo, look," I say to Jaap. "Apparently a 35-year-old from one of the clearing banks with no trading experience at all would be just perfect for us. Well, the agency must think so."

Then I remember there are probably quite a lot of people formerly employed by a large clearing bank who are on the prowl for their next job and I start to have a little sympathy for the agency. "I'll pass the CV on to one of the quieter back-office departments," I tell Jaap.

We're still sitting there an hour later when Rory returns from the wine bar, glowing with pleasure and a few vodka-and-tonics. "Haven't you finished yet?" he says as he bounds into the goldfish bowl. "You are being slow."

"OK," says Jaap. "I hate to be the one that rises to the bait, but, go on, tell us why you're looking so happy." And Rory actually giggles.

"I've found our salesperson already," he says. "Started talking to him in the bar. He hates his job, hates the clients he has to entertain, wants a move. If you like him, the job's all his. We're meeting him for drinks later."

So much for the well-crafted CV, then...

A model of a Neanderthal man on display at the National Museum of Prehistory in Dordogne, France
Richard Dawkins dedicated his book 'The Greatest Show on Earth' to Josh Timonen
newsThat's Richard Dawkins on babies with Down Syndrome
Arts and Entertainment
Eye of the beholder? 'Concrete lasagne' Preston bus station
architectureWhich monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?
ebooksAn evocation of the conflict through the eyes of those who lived through it
Dinosaurs Unleashed at the Eden Project
Arts and Entertainment
Life and Style
This month marks the 20th anniversary of the first online sale
techDespite a host of other online auction sites and fierce competition from Amazon, eBay is still the most popular e-commerce site in the UK
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Quantitative Analyst (Financial Services, Graduate, SQL, VBA)

£45000 per annum: Harrington Starr: Quantitative Analyst (Financial Services, ...

Application Support Engineer (C++, .NET, VB, Perl, Bash, SQL)

Negotiable: Harrington Starr: Application Support Engineer (C++, .NET, VB, Per...

AIFMD Business Analyst / Consultant - Investment Management

£450 - £600 per day: Harrington Starr: AIFMD Business Analyst / Consultant - I...

Business Analyst Solvency II SME (Pillar 1, 2 & 3) Insurance

£450 - £600 per day: Harrington Starr: Business Analyst Solvency II SME (Pilla...

Day In a Page

Middle East crisis: We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

Now Obama has seen the next US reporter to be threatened with beheading, will he blink, asks Robert Fisk
Neanderthals lived alongside humans for centuries, latest study shows

Final resting place of our Neanderthal neighbours revealed

Bones dated to 40,000 years ago show species may have died out in Belgium species co-existed
Scottish independence: The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

Scotland’s immigrants are as passionate about the future of their adopted nation as anyone else
Britain's ugliest buildings: Which monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?

Blight club: Britain's ugliest buildings

Following the architect Cameron Sinclair's introduction of the Dead Prize, an award for ugly buildings, John Rentoul reflects on some of the biggest blots on the UK landscape
eBay's enduring appeal: Online auction site is still the UK's most popular e-commerce retailer

eBay's enduring appeal

The online auction site is still the UK's most popular e-commerce site
Culture Minister Ed Vaizey: ‘lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird’

'Lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird'

Culture Minister Ed Vaizey calls for immediate action to address the problem
Artist Olafur Eliasson's latest large-scale works are inspired by the paintings of JMW Turner

Magic circles: Artist Olafur Eliasson

Eliasson's works will go alongside a new exhibition of JMW Turner at Tate Britain. He tells Jay Merrick why the paintings of his hero are ripe for reinvention
Josephine Dickinson: 'A cochlear implant helped me to discover a new world of sound'

Josephine Dickinson: 'How I discovered a new world of sound'

After going deaf as a child, musician and poet Josephine Dickinson made do with a hearing aid for five decades. Then she had a cochlear implant - and everything changed
Greggs Google fail: Was the bakery's response to its logo mishap a stroke of marketing genius?

Greggs gives lesson in crisis management

After a mishap with their logo, high street staple Greggs went viral this week. But, as Simon Usborne discovers, their social media response was anything but half baked
Matthew McConaughey has been singing the praises of bumbags (shame he doesn't know how to wear one)

Matthew McConaughey sings the praises of bumbags

Shame he doesn't know how to wear one. Harriet Walker explains the dos and don'ts of fanny packs
7 best quadcopters and drones

Flying fun: 7 best quadcopters and drones

From state of the art devices with stabilised cameras to mini gadgets that can soar around the home, we take some flying objects for a spin
Joey Barton: ‘I’ve been guilty of getting a bit irate’

Joey Barton: ‘I’ve been guilty of getting a bit irate’

The midfielder returned to the Premier League after two years last weekend. The controversial character had much to discuss after his first game back
Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

British No 1 knows his consistency as well as his fitness needs working on as he prepares for the US Open after a ‘very, very up and down’ year
Ferguson: In the heartlands of America, a descent into madness

A descent into madness in America's heartlands

David Usborne arrived in Ferguson, Missouri to be greeted by a scene more redolent of Gaza and Afghanistan
BBC’s filming of raid at Sir Cliff’s home ‘may be result of corruption’

BBC faces corruption allegation over its Sir Cliff police raid coverage

Reporter’s relationship with police under scrutiny as DG is summoned by MPs to explain extensive live broadcast of swoop on singer’s home