If you're after promotion, a pong will do you no wrong

BUNHILL

Now this newspaper has ended its scratch 'n' sniff experiment (hope you didn't miss it), it is difficult to illustrate an article on smells satisfactorily. But as they make up a multi-zillion-dollar industry, it behoves us business writers to give smells due space.

First, do not call call them smells - they are fragrances. Please refer to the Fragrance Foundation, established in New York in 1949 by perfume companies "to develop educational programs about the importance and pleasures of fragrance for the American public".

But the real surprise is that these giant companies - including Elizabeth Arden and Chanel - seem quite paranoid about what they describe as the "tyranny of vision". They follow my dog's view, which is that we should be a bit more nasally centred. In the Middle East, they point out, marriages are sometimes cancelled because the bride smells wrong; in Japan body odour could in the past disqualify a man from military service; and, in the Amazon, tribes occasionally went to war because they hated each other's smells so much.

The Fragrance Foundation has links with the Olfactory Research Fund, whose job is to prove just how important smell is. Studies it has funded include "Cognitive Factors in Odour Perception", "The Startle-Probe Reflex as an Indicator of Affective Response to Odours", and "Congruent and Incongruent Odours: Their Effect on Behaviour in Public Places".

But hold, here are a couple of studies that could surely form the basis of the latest management blockbuster: "The Influence of Odour-Induced Affect on Creativity, Categorisation, and Decision-Making" and "The Effects of Odour Administration on Performance and Stress in Sustained Attention Tasks". Whiff your way to the Boardroom? Seven Pongs for Promotion? What do you reckon?

FURTHERMORE... a British company called Mastiff Electronics has developed Scentinel, a security system that recognises a person's body odour which is, it seems, a unique thing. And... this summer a South African company produced a special edition dressing for the UN, called Boutros Boutros Garlic.

Free money (honest)

I DIDN'T realise, until I saw the newspaper, The Jaclow, that I am a mug. It is packed to the gills with excellent tips for making and saving money, yet I have taken advantage of none of these. On the savings side, I could, for example, have cut my phone bills by 40 per cent, have bought a Pentium computer for pounds 75 or a 16-bedroom seafront hotel for just pounds 48,000.

And to pay for all this the opportunities are endless. "Mog's letters will turn your pounds 5 into a staggering pounds 7,000 per month for 21 months, and you hardly have to lift a finger." And, "Does the thought of making pounds 454,742.39 in the next six months appeal?"

I have no views on whether the paper will or will not make me a millionaire. But it does carry on a grand tradition - that the best way of making money is telling other people how to make money. Books on how to make a quick buck are everywhere in The Jaclow. "The single most important wealth rule: Master it and you cannot help but grow wealthy. Fail to learn it and your chances of becoming wealthy drop to one in 10m," one ad says.

And what do you have to do to keep those odds down? "This fast-selling and widely advertised money-making plan normally sells for pounds 24.95. Our giveaway price is just pounds 8."

But selling get-rich-quick books is just the start. Another generous soul offers to sell you cost-saving books; "bundles of 100 copies for pounds 20", that you can then sell on for "pounds 12.95 or even pounds 14.95".

Yet another layer of subtlety is added by people offering to tell you how to avoid being done. "You'll never need to lose money on buying any advertised 'Sure fire Business Opportunity' ever again," one ad says, before putting forward an unspecific proposition that will teach you "how to turn a few pounds into many thousands of pounds".

After all this complexity, I prefer this offer, which at least looks simple: "How to get Thousands of Eager customers to send you pounds 5. Complete business package which is easy to operate. This is a Real winner. Send pounds 5 only to..."

Call me a fool, but I have to say I am not totally convinced. I think I will settle for a professorship from The Trinity College and University. At only pounds 400, how can I resist?

I HAVE just returned from a sojourn in a Club Med, which had just about everything. Best of all was a currency system of unparalleled complexity. You bought books of red, green and yellow coupons worth respectively 1,280, 640 and 320 lire, to pay for drinks. A beer might, for example, cost 2R, 1J, 3V (the abbreviations are French, just in case it was getting too easy).

I have long maintained that British fortunes started to plummet on February 15 1971, when we abandoned pennies for that appallingly easy decimal system. Brains atrophied, and with them the economy. I suggest we establish a system based on the Club Med model: give kids coins that are worth, say, 12.8p and watch those IQs soar!

Life and Style
Small winemakers say the restriction makes it hard to sell overseas
food + drink
Arts and Entertainment
A comedy show alumni who has gone on to be a big star, Jon Stewart
tvRival television sketch shows vie for influential alumni
Arts and Entertainment
Carrie Hope Fletcher
booksFirst video bloggers conquered YouTube. Now they want us to buy their books
News
Clare Balding
peopleClare Balding on how women's football is shaking up sport
PROMOTED VIDEO
Arts and Entertainment
Damien Hirst
artCoalition's anti-culture policy and cuts in local authority spending to blame, says academic
Sport
premier leagueMatch report: Arsenal 1 Man United 2
Arts and Entertainment
Kirk Cameron is begging his Facebook fans to give him positive reviews
film
News
i100
Sport
Jonny May scores for England
rugby unionEngland 28 Samoa 9: Wing scores twice to help England record their first win in six
Life and Style
fashionThe Christmas jumper is in fashion, but should you wear your religion on your sleeve?
News
ebooksNow available in paperback
Arts and Entertainment
Jason goes on a special mission for the queen
tvReview: Everyone loves a CGI Cyclops and the BBC's Saturday night charmer is getting epic
Arts and Entertainment
Jerry Hall (Hand out press photograph provided by jackstanley@theambassadors.com)
theatre
Sport
Tony Bellew (left) and Nathan Cleverly clash at the Echo Arena in Liverpool
boxingLate surge sees Liverpudlian move into world title contention
Voices
Neil Findlay
voicesThe vilification of the potential Scottish Labour leader Neil Findlay shows how one-note politics is today, says DJ Taylor
Life and Style
food + drinkMeat-free recipes and food scandals help one growing sector
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Reach Volunteering: Trustee – PR& Marketing, Social Care, Commercial skills

Voluntary Only - Expenses Reimbursed: Reach Volunteering: Age Concern Slough a...

Reach Volunteering: Charity Treasurer

Voluntary Only - Expenses Reimbursed: Reach Volunteering: Crossroads Care is s...

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Soho

£20000 - £25000 per annum + OTE £35,000: SThree: We consistently strive to be ...

Ampersand Consulting LLP: Markit EDM (CADIS) Developer

£50000 - £90000 per annum + benefits: Ampersand Consulting LLP: Markit EDM (CA...

Day In a Page

Mau Mau uprising: Kenyans still waiting for justice join class action over Britain's role in the emergency

Kenyans still waiting for justice over Mau Mau uprising

Thousands join class action over Britain's role in the emergency
Isis in Iraq: The trauma of the last six months has overwhelmed the remaining Christians in the country

The last Christians in Iraq

After 2,000 years, a community will try anything – including pretending to convert to Islam – to avoid losing everything, says Patrick Cockburn
Black Friday: Helpful discounts for Christmas shoppers, or cynical marketing by desperate retailers?

Helpful discounts for Christmas shoppers, or cynical marketing by desperate retailers?

Britain braced for Black Friday
Bill Cosby's persona goes from America's dad to date-rape drugs

From America's dad to date-rape drugs

Stories of Bill Cosby's alleged sexual assaults may have circulated widely in Hollywood, but they came as a shock to fans, says Rupert Cornwell
Clare Balding: 'Women's sport is kicking off at last'

Clare Balding: 'Women's sport is kicking off at last'

As fans flock to see England women's Wembley debut against Germany, the TV presenter on an exciting 'sea change'
Oh come, all ye multi-faithful: The Christmas jumper is in fashion, but should you wear your religion on your sleeve?

Oh come, all ye multi-faithful

The Christmas jumper is in fashion, but should you wear your religion on your sleeve?
Dr Charles Heatley: The GP off to do battle in the war against Ebola

The GP off to do battle in the war against Ebola

Dr Charles Heatley on joining the NHS volunteers' team bound for Sierra Leone
Flogging vlogging: First video bloggers conquered YouTube. Now they want us to buy their books

Flogging vlogging

First video bloggers conquered YouTube. Now they want us to buy their books
Saturday Night Live vs The Daily Show: US channels wage comedy star wars

Saturday Night Live vs The Daily Show

US channels wage comedy star wars
When is a wine made in Piedmont not a Piemonte wine? When EU rules make Italian vineyards invisible

When is a wine made in Piedmont not a Piemonte wine?

When EU rules make Italian vineyards invisible
Look what's mushrooming now! Meat-free recipes and food scandals help one growing sector

Look what's mushrooming now!

Meat-free recipes and food scandals help one growing sector
Neil Findlay is more a pink shrimp than a red firebrand

More a pink shrimp than a red firebrand

The vilification of the potential Scottish Labour leader Neil Findlay shows how one-note politics is today, says DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Tenderstem broccoli omelette; Fried eggs with Mexican-style tomato and chilli sauce; Pan-fried cavolo nero with soft-boiled egg

Oeuf quake

Bill Granger's cracking egg recipes
Terry Venables: Wayne Rooney is roaring again and the world knows that England are back

Terry Venables column

Wayne Rooney is roaring again and the world knows that England are back
Michael Calvin: Abject leadership is allowing football’s age-old sores to fester

Abject leadership is allowing football’s age-old sores to fester

Those at the top are allowing the same issues to go unchallenged, says Michael Calvin