But now I find myself drawing on the experience in order to fathom why the 28-year-old Baywatch star Pamela Anderson (or any woman for that matter) should thrill at the prospect of her already-celebrated contours being commemorated not in a statue, not in a waxwork at Madame Tussauds, but in the ignominious form of a plastic, throwaway bottle of fizzy pop.
Richard Branson's "Virgin Cola - the Pammy" went on sale on Monday. Expect no Jean-Paul Gaultier designer protrusions or implants. The bottle basically looks like a bottle of, well, Coca-Cola with redistributed curves and a different label. Ms Anderson, who had only seen drawings of the design, was reportedly "delighted" on seeing the real thing last week. She loves the name, too, particularly since only her mum calls her Pammy. She sent her mum a case of namesakes, which retail at a mere 49p to 59p per 500ml bottle, to celebrate.
According to the Virgin spokeswoman Jackie McQuillan, "Pammy thinks it's absolutely brilliant. She's really flattered that anyone would want to name a bottle after her". And though Pammy is not being targeted at male consumers, teenage boys are already preparing to quench their thirst. "If I can't have Pammy, the bottle's the next best thing," says 14-year- old Jamie from north London.
Pammy, drink your heart out.