Business Diary: 19/06/2010

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The Independent Online

More Ultimate Violence tosh

More from those charismatic chaps at Ultimate Violence, who are (unfortunately) coming over to London from Las Vegas to offer training to City executives who feel nervous about encounters with the little people affected by them pushing the economy off a cliff.

The martial arts "training" is apparently sponsored by the tailor Cad and the Dandy, which gushes about the "brand fit" and talks about "seeing off" rival Moss Bros with its suits. If you needed a reason never to visit one of their outlets, you've certainly got one now.

What are they on about?

Diary wants to say hearty congratulations to Dipak Warren, who has (so we are told) just been hired by Aviva from her old job as underwriter and director of the Mitsui Syndicate in London's insurance market. Just one question: exactly what is it that Aviva's new director of "corporate risk solutions" will be doing in her new role? And how is the no doubt prodigiously talented Ms Warren going to explain what the new job's all about to her family and friends?

More corporate abuse of English

If a director of corporate risk solutions induces a degree of head-scratching, here's some more tangled syntax from the stockbroker Killik, talking about something called Legal & General's "Deep Value" fund. It says excitedly: "The manager's bottom-up investing style, with a focus on a combination of deep-value stocks (currently 55 per cent of portfolio) and strong growth stocks (45 per cent of portfolio) continues to pay off." How? And why exactly would you want to invest in such a thing?

At last, a little elegance ...

David Buik, the sage of BGC Partners, offers an intriguing term which shows that not everyone in the City has succumbed to corporate illiteracy. Describing the overnight performance of US markets, he says that only a late surge pushed shares "over the plimsoll line". For the uninformed, that's the marker line that goes all the way around a cargo ship to tell its owner if it is light, full or overladen.