Sunday 15 August 1999
It's national boredom week, with almost everybody in the City departed to Tuscany. Interims from the WWP Group. The group has been on an acquisitions binge in recent years, as part of a mad plan to become a one-stop shop for every big corporation's bullshit operations.
Interims from Mersey Docks & Harbour. The Government sold off its remaining 14 per cent holding 18 months ago. And since then the management has been desperately trying to take over the running of docks in such places as South Africa and Maputo.
Central Rail Users Consultative Committee Annual Report with performance figures. After grumbles over broken rails, and with Railtrack executives de-coupling their performance bonuses from service delivery targets, another bumpy ride for the Fat Cats.
A-level results published. More evidence of dumbing down as catastrophic effects of school league tables to bite. But there is no reason to worry about the long-term structural consequences for the economy. American teenagers have been clueless for generations, and their economy is booming. Ignorance is strength!
Zoe Ball gets married to Fat Boy Slim. Annual Dead Cat Bounce ceremony in the City of London.
The week's moments of totality ...
ECLIPSE OF THE SUN: moment of totality - two-minute wonder causing Britain to come to a standstill and idiots to get their retinas burned.
MINI STOCK MARKET CRASH: moment of panic totality - two-hour wonder causing the City to come to standstill and idiots to get their fingers burned.
MERVYN KING MOMENT OF CONFUSION: two-day wonder. The Deputy Governor of the Bank of England blotted out all other news with an awe-inspiringly muddled inflation report.
DUKE OF EDINBURGH: moment of total madness in the Great Indian Fusebox Fiasco. Blotted out positive publicity and warm glow created by Sophie's marriage.
Commodity news ... in brief
Rubber is in trouble because Sri Lanka has left the international rubber price-fixed cartel. Aluminium continues to enjoy a rare spell in the limelight, with chemicals also volatile in the wake of mergers. Coffee is set for a fall after Mexican hoarders started dumping, and Peru started producing again after terrorists, who used to pull up the plants and set fire to them, were liquidated. The Americans were burning petrol like there's no tomorrow, causing prices to rise. The rain forest was on fire in Indonesia, but not in Belize where the production of Michael Ashcrofts seems to have come to a temporary halt.
From RT's consumer services department, a weekly bench test, value for money guide to the financial pages. This week: The Financial Times versus Loaded.
Item: Financial Times Loaded
Price pounds 0.85 pounds 2.80
No of pages 40 212
Price per page 2.13p 1.32p
No of pics of flashy 1 (BMW) 5 (radio-controlled cars this week toys) No of pages filled 10 90 (of the 36-24-36) with rows of figures variety
No of George Best 0 35 pics
Typical headline Isotron dips as Come and Have Steris offer lapses A Go If You Think You're Hard Enough
Reader offer Offer to tender Free sample Adidas Dr6.5bn contract energising shower gel
Basic editorial For people with For people who are stance number skills numbskulls
% of content which 63.4% (there's, like, 23.85% (men can was news to me this huge war have sex with women going on for control while balancing on of the world's a surfboard) aluminium industry)
% of content 4.32% (the highest 6.82% (George worth knowing paid person in Washington's teeth New Zealand earns were made of wood)
p/e (photo/ 1/170 786/4 earnings) ratio
RT value index 1.3455246 0.9673159
- 1 Forget 'The Dress': Here are five of the biggest news stories you might have missed
- 2 The black and blue dress: Makers considering a white and gold version
- 3 PornHub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
- 4 The remarkable archaeological underwater discovery that could open up a new chapter in the study of European and British prehistory
- 5 Saudi Muslim cleric claims the Earth is 'stationary' and the sun rotates around it
Boris Nemtsov shot dead: Outspoken Putin critic who had expressed fears for his life is killed near the Kremlin
PornHub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
Ukraine crisis: Top Chinese diplomat backs Putin and says West should 'abandon zero-sum mentality'
White and gold or blue and black – what colour is the dress? An eyewitness gives a definitive answer
Saudi Muslim cleric claims the Earth is 'stationary' and the sun rotates around it
New theory could prove how life began and disprove God
Half of Ukip voters say they are prejudiced against people of other races
This is what it's like to be dead, according to a guy who died for a bit
'Cash for access' scandal: Sir Malcolm Rifkind says 'unrealistic' for MPs to live on £67,000 salary
'Jihadi John': CAGE representative storms off Sky News accusing Kay Burley of Islamophobia
Aqsa Mahmood branded a 'disgrace' by her parents after claims she recruited three UK girls flying to Middle East
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