ROGUE TRADER: FOOTBALL SPECIAL

What's happening this week ...

Monday

Results from PPL Therapeutics - soaring Mad Scientist biotech company that owns the licence to clone mice, is developing pig-cloning, and generally makes Monsanto look like Mary Poppins. Football angle is its drugs division with performance enhancement possibilities and long-shot plan to mingle genes of Pele, Ronaldo, George Best and Nobby Stiles to clone world's first GM football ace.

Tuesday

Morgan Grenfell Latin America annual results. Huge potential for investing in Brazilian strikers and dirty but effective Argentine mid-fielders. Global trade figures published. Beware distortions due to import of Dutch centre-halfs costing the same as used jumbo jets, and massive capital flows from heavy Singaporean betting on fixed matches in Norwegian second division. CBI survey. Economic boom thanks to scheme to build fifth London airport terminal at Craven Cottage as part of al-Fayed plan for Fulham FC.

Wednesday

IMF spring meeting on world economy. Suggest liquidate World Bank gold reserves so Manchester City can buy players to get them back into the Premier League.

Thursday

Allied Domecq to issue interim figures. Not a club in the Portuguese league, but a booze and doughnut firm. So Paul Merson and Paul Gascoigne could sign. WH Smith also to issue figures. The company is mucking about with the internet and negotiating with Virgin over record sales. It ought to stick to selling football mags. Unilever first-quarter figures. Badly hit by better football pitches, less mud and less demand for soap powder. EU industry ministers meet in Luxembourg. Pretty dull: they'd be better off debating if Andy Cole's first touch is really good enough for a world-class player.

Friday

Nationwide building society April house price news. Expect the usual hype. More interesting is the Nationwide League.

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