Rogue Trader: This week's Browns ...

CHARLIE BROWN. Eternally optimistic neurotic who worked for peanuts and whose girlfriend dispensed psychiatric advice at two cents a go.

JAMES BROWN. Eternally hyperactive sex machine who advised his mamma to get a brand new bag and then groove it all night long.

PA BROON. Eternally grumpy stereotypical Scottish tightwad skinflint who advised Oor Wullie to wash behind his ears. Relative of Desperate Dan, Denis the Menace and Lord Snooty.

GORDON BROWN. Eternally dour stereotypical Scottish tightwad skinflint who last week advised the Americans to get into a virtuous circle. Married to Prudence. Denies building up Oor Wurchest.