The Trader: He must be better to work with than Attila

I liked the one who put lion-taming down as a hobby on his CV

ONE DOWN, one to go. Rory's find for the junior salesperson position is fine enough, if the evening drinking and vetting session was anything to go by. Simon smiled a lot, said the right things, and didn't fall over or pass out.

Not that one evening is much to go on. As Laura pointed out, once you've had a few drinks, even Attila the Hun could seem like a nice bloke. Still, the chances are that Simon actually is nicer than Attila, so we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, we'll have plenty of time to find out what he's like when he starts here in a month. Meanwhile, he gets four weeks out of the market on full pay courtesy of his last place, and we get four weeks to speculate about him.

Rather more pressing is the search for the not-so-junior trader. Jaap and I have finally whittled down the list of candidates to two, who have sent in entirely believable and acceptable CVs. "Not very exciting, though," Jaap says. "I liked the one who put lion-taming down as one of his hobbies. It would have been fun to interview him. These two have just got boring things like chess and tennis."

But, as I reminded him, no one in the City has time for hobbies anyway until they're older, and then only really expensive ones to show off with. The only thing we need to know about candidate A and candidate B is whether they're up to the job or not, and for that we need to bring them in for interviews.

Sad to say, both are currently employed elsewhere in the City. In one respect, this is obviously a good thing - if they already have a job with a sensible title, they can't be entirely hopeless. Even if they have a job with a ludicrous title like "new product specialist", it may just mean they're bad at office politics. Unfortunately for the rest of us, though, all this means that interviews have to take place outside working hours.

"So shall I ask A to come in tomorrow at 6am?" Jaap says, and my jaw drops. An hour early at the office? At that time in the morning I'm so crabby I could bite the head off a dragon. How can I possibly interview someone? "Just kidding," Jaap continues. "I don't think any of us would be on top form at that time of day." Unlike at 8pm after 13 hours in the office, of course, when we're all full of beans.

But 8pm it is, two nights running. Two nights of asking the same old boring questions everyone asks at interviews and you always vow you never will. How do you see yourself in five years?

(Same as now - with a mirror.)

What's important to you in a job? (Obviously, high salary for minimal effort.)

Why do you think you'd be right for this job?

(Hey, isn't that what you're supposed to be working out?)

Boring questions, boring answers, and nothing to separate the two of them. "Toss a coin," I say. "It's a good a way as any." Then the phone rings and it's some girl for Jaap, and I start pricing some deal for one of the brokers.

An hour later, Jaap comes over. "I've a confession," he says. "This other bank has been trying to poach me, though I've turned down their offers. But they may have solved our problem for us after all."

I'm puzzled. How on earth...? "Yes," says Jaap. "That was the team member they've been using as a go-between. They thought a young woman calling me would raise less suspicion.

"Anyway, she wondered if we were still looking for a trader..."

Suggested Topics
Voices
voicesGood for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth, writes Grace Dent
Sport
The Pipes and Drums of The Scottish Regiments perform during the Opening Ceremony for the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games at Celtic Park on July 23, 2014 in Glasgow, Scotland.
Commonwealth GamesThe actor encouraged the one billion viewers of the event to donate to the children's charity
Sport
Karen Dunbar performs
Entertainers showcase local wit, talent and irrepressible spirit
Arts and Entertainment
The Tour de France peloton rides over a bridge on the Grinton Moor, Yorkshire, earlier this month
film
PROMOTED VIDEO
Life and Style
fashion Designs are part of feminist art project by a British student
News
Very tasty: Vladimir Putin dining alone, perhaps sensibly
newsJohn Walsh salutes those brave souls who have, throughout history, put their knives on the line
News
The University of California study monitored the reaction of 36 dogs
sciencePets' range of emotions revealed
Arts and Entertainment
The nomination of 'The Wake' by Paul Kingsnorth has caused a stir
books
News
Joining forces: young British men feature in an Isis video in which they urge Islamists in the West to join them in Iraq and Syria
newsWill the young Britons fighting in Syria be allowed to return home and resume their lives?
News
i100
News
Snoop Dogg pictured at The Hollywood Reporter Nominees' Night in February, 2013
people... says Snoop Dogg
News
ebookA unique anthology of reporting and analysis of a crucial period of history
Life and Style
food + drinkZebra meat is exotic and lean - but does it taste good?
News
Bey can do it: Beyoncé re-enacts Rosie the Riveter's pose
newsRosie the Riveter started out as an American wartime poster girl and has become a feminist pin-up. With Beyoncé channeling her look, Gillian Orr tells her story
Life and Style
Donna and Paul Wheatley at their wedding
healthShould emergency hospital weddings be made easier for the terminally ill?
Arts and Entertainment
Residents of Derby Road in Southampton oppose filming of Channel 4 documentary Immigration Street in their community
tv
Voices
voicesSiobhan Norton on why she eventually changed her mind
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

PMO Analyst - London - Banking - £350 - £400

£350 - £400 per day: Orgtel: PMO Analyst - Banking - London - £350 -£400 per d...

Cost Reporting-MI Packs-Edinburgh-Bank-£350/day

£300 - £350 per day + competitive: Orgtel: Cost Reporting Manager - MI Packs -...

Insight Analyst – Permanent – Up to £40k – North London

£35000 - £40000 Per Annum plus 23 days holiday and pension scheme: Clearwater ...

Test Lead - London - Investment Banking

£475 - £525 per day: Orgtel: Test Lead, London, Investment Banking, Technical ...

Day In a Page

Screwing your way to the top? Good for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth

Screwing your way to the top?

Good for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth, says Grace Dent
Will the young Britons fighting in Syria be allowed to return home and resume their lives?

Will Britons fighting in Syria be able to resume their lives?

Tony Blair's Terrorism Act 2006 has made it an offence to take part in military action abroad with a "political, ideological, religious or racial motive"
Beyoncé poses as Rosie the Riveter, the wartime poster girl who became a feminist pin-up

Beyoncé poses as Rosie the Riveter

The wartime poster girl became the ultimate American symbol of female empowerment
The quest to find the perfect pair of earphones: Are custom, 3D printed earbuds the solution?

The quest to find the perfect pair of earphones

Earphones don't fit properly, offer mediocre audio quality and can even be painful. So the quest to design the perfect pair is music to Seth Stevenson's ears
Climate change threatens to make the antarctic fur seal extinct

Take a good look while you can

How climate change could wipe out this seal
Should emergency hospital weddings be made easier for the terminally ill?

Should emergency hospital weddings be made easier?

Some couples are allowed emergency hospital weddings, others are denied the right. Kate Hilpern reports on the growing case for a compassionate cutting of the red tape
Man Booker Prize 2014 longlist: Crowdfunded novel nominated for first time

Crowdfunded novel nominated for Booker Prize

Paul Kingsnorth's 'The Wake' is in contention for the prestigious award
Vladimir Putin employs a full-time food taster to ensure his meals aren't poisoned

Vladimir Putin employs a full-time food taster

John Walsh salutes those brave souls who have, throughout history, put their knives on the line
Tour de France effect brings Hollywood blockbusters to Yorkshire

Tour de France effect brings Hollywood blockbusters to Yorkshire

A $25m thriller starring Sam Worthington to be made in God's Own Country
The 10 best pedicure products

Feet treat: 10 best pedicure products

Bags packed and all prepped for holidays, but feet in a state? Get them flip-flop-ready with our pick of the items for a DIY treatment
Noel Fielding's 'Luxury Comedy': A land of the outright bizarre

Noel Fielding's 'Luxury Comedy'

A land of the outright bizarre
What are the worst 'Word Crimes'?

What are the worst 'Word Crimes'?

‘Weird Al’ Yankovic's latest video is an ode to good grammar. But what do The Independent’s experts think he’s missed out?
Can Secret Cinema sell 80,000 'Back to the Future' tickets?

The worst kept secret in cinema

A cult movie event aims to immerse audiences of 80,000 in ‘Back to the Future’. But has it lost its magic?
Facebook: The new hatched, matched and dispatched

The new hatched, matched and dispatched

Family events used to be marked in the personal columns. But now Facebook has usurped the ‘Births, Deaths and Marriages’ announcements
Why do we have blood types?

Are you my type?

All of us have one but probably never wondered why. Yet even now, a century after blood types were discovered, it’s a matter of debate what they’re for