The Trader: He must be better to work with than Attila

I liked the one who put lion-taming down as a hobby on his CV

ONE DOWN, one to go. Rory's find for the junior salesperson position is fine enough, if the evening drinking and vetting session was anything to go by. Simon smiled a lot, said the right things, and didn't fall over or pass out.

Not that one evening is much to go on. As Laura pointed out, once you've had a few drinks, even Attila the Hun could seem like a nice bloke. Still, the chances are that Simon actually is nicer than Attila, so we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, we'll have plenty of time to find out what he's like when he starts here in a month. Meanwhile, he gets four weeks out of the market on full pay courtesy of his last place, and we get four weeks to speculate about him.

Rather more pressing is the search for the not-so-junior trader. Jaap and I have finally whittled down the list of candidates to two, who have sent in entirely believable and acceptable CVs. "Not very exciting, though," Jaap says. "I liked the one who put lion-taming down as one of his hobbies. It would have been fun to interview him. These two have just got boring things like chess and tennis."

But, as I reminded him, no one in the City has time for hobbies anyway until they're older, and then only really expensive ones to show off with. The only thing we need to know about candidate A and candidate B is whether they're up to the job or not, and for that we need to bring them in for interviews.

Sad to say, both are currently employed elsewhere in the City. In one respect, this is obviously a good thing - if they already have a job with a sensible title, they can't be entirely hopeless. Even if they have a job with a ludicrous title like "new product specialist", it may just mean they're bad at office politics. Unfortunately for the rest of us, though, all this means that interviews have to take place outside working hours.

"So shall I ask A to come in tomorrow at 6am?" Jaap says, and my jaw drops. An hour early at the office? At that time in the morning I'm so crabby I could bite the head off a dragon. How can I possibly interview someone? "Just kidding," Jaap continues. "I don't think any of us would be on top form at that time of day." Unlike at 8pm after 13 hours in the office, of course, when we're all full of beans.

But 8pm it is, two nights running. Two nights of asking the same old boring questions everyone asks at interviews and you always vow you never will. How do you see yourself in five years?

(Same as now - with a mirror.)

What's important to you in a job? (Obviously, high salary for minimal effort.)

Why do you think you'd be right for this job?

(Hey, isn't that what you're supposed to be working out?)

Boring questions, boring answers, and nothing to separate the two of them. "Toss a coin," I say. "It's a good a way as any." Then the phone rings and it's some girl for Jaap, and I start pricing some deal for one of the brokers.

An hour later, Jaap comes over. "I've a confession," he says. "This other bank has been trying to poach me, though I've turned down their offers. But they may have solved our problem for us after all."

I'm puzzled. How on earth...? "Yes," says Jaap. "That was the team member they've been using as a go-between. They thought a young woman calling me would raise less suspicion.

"Anyway, she wondered if we were still looking for a trader..."

Suggested Topics
Arts and Entertainment
'A voice untroubled by time': Kate Bush
musicReview: A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it
Life and Style
Cooked up: reducing dietary animal fat might not be as healthy as government advice has led millions of people to believe
healthA look at how governments started advising incorrectly on diets
News
peopleJustin Bieber accuses papparrazzi of acting 'recklessly' after car crash
Life and Style
tech
PROMOTED VIDEO
Life and Style
tech
News
people
Voices
voices
Sport
Roger Federer is greeted by Michael Jordan following his victory over Marinko Matosevic
tennisRoger Federer gets Michael Jordan's applause following tweener shot in win over Marinko Matosevic
Arts and Entertainment
Oppressive atmosphere: the cast of 'Tyrant'
tvIntroducing Tyrant, one of the most hotly anticipated dramas of the year
News
i100
News
Ukrainian Leonid Stadnik, 37, 2.59 meter (8,5 feet) tall, the world's tallest living man, waves as he poses for the media by the Chevrolet Tacuma car presented to him by President of Ukraine Viktor Yushchenko in Kiev on March 24, 2008.
newsPeasant farmer towered at almost 8'5'' - but shunned the limelight
News
Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon in ‘The Front Page’, using an old tech typewriter
media
Life and Style
Could a robot sheepdog find itself working at Skipton Auction Mart?
techModel would allow robots to be programmed to control crowds and save people from burning buildings
News
ebooksAn evocation of the conflict through the eyes of those who lived through it
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Suha Arraf’s film ‘Villa Touma’ (left) is set in Ramallah and all the actresses are Palestinian
film
Sport
Angel Di Maria poses with Louis van Gaal after signing for Manchester United
sportWinger arrives from Real Madrid and could make debut on Saturday
Arts and Entertainment
Kingston Road in Stockton is being filmed for the second series of Benefits Street
arts + entsFilming for Channel 4 has begun despite local complaints
Arts and Entertainment
Hooked on classical: cellist Rachael Lander began drinking to combat panic attacks
musicThe cellist Rachael Lander’s career was almost destroyed by alcohol she drank to fight stage fright. Now she’s playing with Elbow...
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Client Services Executive / Account Executive - SW London

£23000 - £26000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Account Executive / Client Services ...

PA to CEO / Executive Secretary

£36000 - £38000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Executive PA to CEO & Executive Dire...

Generalist HR Administrator, Tunbridge Wells, Kent - £28,000.

£25000 - £28000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Generalist HR Administrator - Tunbri...

Senior C# Developer (.NET, C#, JMS, TDD, Web API, MVC, integrat

£45000 - £75000 per annum + benefits+bonus+package: Harrington Starr: Senior C...

Day In a Page

Kate Bush, Hammersmith Apollo music review: A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it

Kate Bush shows a voice untroubled by time

A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it
Robot sheepdog technology could be used to save people from burning buildings

The science of herding is cracked

Mathematical model would allow robots to be programmed to control crowds and save people from burning buildings
Tyrant: Is the world ready for a Middle Eastern 'Dallas'?

This tyrant doesn’t rule

It’s billed as a Middle Eastern ‘Dallas’, so why does Fox’s new drama have a white British star?
Rachael Lander interview: From strung out to playing strings

From strung out to playing strings

Award-winning cellist Rachael Lander’s career was almost destroyed by the alcohol she drank to fight stage fright. Now she’s playing with Elbow and Ellie Goulding
The science of saturated fat: A big fat surprise about nutrition?

A big fat surprise about nutrition?

The science linking saturated fats to heart disease and other health issues has never been sound. Nina Teicholz looks at how governments started advising incorrectly on diets
Emmys 2014 review: Can they genuinely compete with the Oscars

Can they genuinely compete with the Oscars?

The recent Emmy Awards are certainly glamorous, but they can't beat their movie cousins
On the road to nowhere: A Routemaster trip to remember

On the road to nowhere

A Routemaster trip to remember
Hotel India: Mumbai's Taj Mahal Palace leaves its darker days behind

Hotel India

Mumbai's Taj Mahal Palace leaves its darker days behind
10 best pencil cases

Back to school: 10 best pencil cases

Whether it’s their first day at school, uni or a new project, treat the student in your life to some smart stationery
Arsenal vs Besiktas Champions League qualifier: Gunners know battle with Turks is a season-defining fixture

Arsenal know battle with Besiktas is a season-defining fixture

Arsene Wenger admits his below-strength side will have to improve on last week’s show to pass tough test
Pete Jenson: Athletic Bilbao’s locals-only transfer policy shows success does not need to be bought

Pete Jenson: A Different League

Athletic Bilbao’s locals-only transfer policy shows success does not need to be bought
This guitar riff has been voted greatest of all time

The Greatest Guitar Riff of all time

Whole Lotta Votes from Radio 2 listeners
Britain’s superstar ballerina

Britain’s superstar ballerina

Alicia Markova danced... every night of the week and twice on Saturdays
Berlin's Furrie invasion

Berlin's Furrie invasion

2000 fans attended Eurofeurence
‘It was a tidal wave of terror’

‘It was a tidal wave of terror’

Driven to the edge by postpartum psychosis