The Trader: He must be better to work with than Attila

I liked the one who put lion-taming down as a hobby on his CV

ONE DOWN, one to go. Rory's find for the junior salesperson position is fine enough, if the evening drinking and vetting session was anything to go by. Simon smiled a lot, said the right things, and didn't fall over or pass out.

Not that one evening is much to go on. As Laura pointed out, once you've had a few drinks, even Attila the Hun could seem like a nice bloke. Still, the chances are that Simon actually is nicer than Attila, so we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, we'll have plenty of time to find out what he's like when he starts here in a month. Meanwhile, he gets four weeks out of the market on full pay courtesy of his last place, and we get four weeks to speculate about him.

Rather more pressing is the search for the not-so-junior trader. Jaap and I have finally whittled down the list of candidates to two, who have sent in entirely believable and acceptable CVs. "Not very exciting, though," Jaap says. "I liked the one who put lion-taming down as one of his hobbies. It would have been fun to interview him. These two have just got boring things like chess and tennis."

But, as I reminded him, no one in the City has time for hobbies anyway until they're older, and then only really expensive ones to show off with. The only thing we need to know about candidate A and candidate B is whether they're up to the job or not, and for that we need to bring them in for interviews.

Sad to say, both are currently employed elsewhere in the City. In one respect, this is obviously a good thing - if they already have a job with a sensible title, they can't be entirely hopeless. Even if they have a job with a ludicrous title like "new product specialist", it may just mean they're bad at office politics. Unfortunately for the rest of us, though, all this means that interviews have to take place outside working hours.

"So shall I ask A to come in tomorrow at 6am?" Jaap says, and my jaw drops. An hour early at the office? At that time in the morning I'm so crabby I could bite the head off a dragon. How can I possibly interview someone? "Just kidding," Jaap continues. "I don't think any of us would be on top form at that time of day." Unlike at 8pm after 13 hours in the office, of course, when we're all full of beans.

But 8pm it is, two nights running. Two nights of asking the same old boring questions everyone asks at interviews and you always vow you never will. How do you see yourself in five years?

(Same as now - with a mirror.)

What's important to you in a job? (Obviously, high salary for minimal effort.)

Why do you think you'd be right for this job?

(Hey, isn't that what you're supposed to be working out?)

Boring questions, boring answers, and nothing to separate the two of them. "Toss a coin," I say. "It's a good a way as any." Then the phone rings and it's some girl for Jaap, and I start pricing some deal for one of the brokers.

An hour later, Jaap comes over. "I've a confession," he says. "This other bank has been trying to poach me, though I've turned down their offers. But they may have solved our problem for us after all."

I'm puzzled. How on earth...? "Yes," says Jaap. "That was the team member they've been using as a go-between. They thought a young woman calling me would raise less suspicion.

"Anyway, she wondered if we were still looking for a trader..."

Suggested Topics
Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
ebooksA celebration of British elections
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Guru Careers: Digital Marketing Exec / Online Marketing Executive

£35 - 40k: Guru Careers: Our client has a new role for a Digital Marketing Exe...

Ashdown Group: Editor-in-chief - Financial Services - City, London

£60000 - £70000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: A highly successful, glo...

Ashdown Group: Junior Application Support Analyst - Fluent German Speaker

£25000 - £30000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: A global leader operating...

Guru Careers: Management Accountant

£27 - 35k + Bonus + Benefits: Guru Careers: A Management Accountant is needed ...

Day In a Page

General Election 2015: ‘We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon’, says Ed Balls

'We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon'

In an exclusive interview, Ed Balls says he won't negotiate his first Budget with SNP MPs - even if Labour need their votes to secure its passage
VE Day 70th anniversary: How ordinary Britons celebrated the end of war in Europe

How ordinary Britons celebrated VE Day

Our perception of VE Day usually involves crowds of giddy Britons casting off the shackles of war with gay abandon. The truth was more nuanced
They came in with William Caxton's printing press, but typefaces still matter in the digital age

Typefaces still matter in the digital age

A new typeface once took years to create, now thousands are available at the click of a drop-down menu. So why do most of us still rely on the old classics, asks Meg Carter?
Discovery of 'missing link' between the two main life-forms on Earth could explain evolution of animals, say scientists

'Missing link' between Earth's two life-forms found

New microbial species tells us something about our dark past, say scientists
The Pan Am Experience is a 'flight' back to the 1970s that never takes off - at least, not literally

Pan Am Experience: A 'flight' back to the 70s

Tim Walker checks in and checks out a four-hour journey with a difference
Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics - it's everywhere in the animal world

Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics

Voting, mutual back-scratching, coups and charismatic leaders - it's everywhere in the animal world
Crisp sales are in decline - but this tasty trivia might tempt back the turncoats

Crisp sales are in decline

As a nation we're filling up on popcorn and pitta chips and forsaking their potato-based predecessors
Ronald McDonald the muse? Why Banksy, Ron English and Keith Coventry are lovin' Maccy D's

Ronald McDonald the muse

A new wave of artists is taking inspiration from the fast food chain
13 best picnic blankets

13 best picnic blankets

Dine al fresco without the grass stains and damp bottoms with something from our pick of picnic rugs
Barcelona 3 Bayern Munich 0 player ratings: Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?

Barcelona vs Bayern Munich player ratings

Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?
Martin Guptill: Explosive New Zealand batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

Explosive batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

Martin Guptill has smashed early runs for Derbyshire and tells Richard Edwards to expect more from the 'freakish' Brendon McCullum and his buoyant team during their tour of England
General Election 2015: Ed Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

He was meant to be Labour's biggest handicap - but has become almost an asset
General Election 2015: A guide to the smaller parties, from the the National Health Action Party to the Church of the Militant Elvis Party

On the margins

From Militant Elvis to Women's Equality: a guide to the underdogs standing in the election
Amr Darrag: Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister in exile still believes Egypt's military regime can be replaced with 'moderate' Islamic rule

'This is the battle of young Egypt for the future of our country'

Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister Amr Darrag still believes the opposition can rid Egypt of its military regime and replace it with 'moderate' Islamic rule, he tells Robert Fisk
Why patients must rely less on doctors: Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'

Why patients must rely less on doctors

Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'