Dear Fay Weldon

You say you've lost some wrinkles and bags - courtesy of a Hollywood plastic surgeon - but have you also lost your mind?

I was horrified by your confession - actually, it was more like a schoolgirl manifesto - published in the Mail on Sunday that not only have you had an extensive facelift, but you're also tempted by liposuction ("It would make me instantly thin, which would save all that dieting," you rant ecstatically) and even the redefinition of your jaw line.

Fay, have you gone stark, raving mad? You claim to have been inspired into such ludicrous action by your au pair girls getting nose jobs! Such lofty inspiration.

Don't for one minute think that I am a puritanical PC feminist - I'm more of the "lipstick feminist with the fuck me shoes" type that Germaine Greer identified - but I can't help feeling outraged by your facile attitude to cosmetic surgery.

This is not merely a Peter Pan complex, it's an embarrassingly painful addiction to youth - at the age of 63. First we have Shirley Conran making a fool of herself, now you. You're not obliged to age gracefully - please be as disgraceful as you like - but you don't need to be obsessed by youth.

And I was just feeling pleased for you. Your husband, Ron, (he who inspired your book Affliction by being too influenced by his therapist) dumped you after years of marriage (and later died), but in your usual feisty form you regenerated yourself, found a new fella and appeared to be in sparklingly perky spirits.

Little did I realise you were about to embark on an orgy of mutilation. First your eyes - you had the lids lifted to remove the hooded effect (which apparently makes anyone over the age of 25 focus differently and feel less confident, which I have obviously been completely ignorant of because I haven't noticed), then you went on to have your upper face lifted.

Of course, this was all done in Hollywood, where, as you say, "everyone has plastic surgery all the time". In fact, it all seems so natural and healthy to be cut up in Hollywood that you decided "it seemed, well, fun to have some myself".

You sound silly, girlish, euphoric. "The possibilities are endlessly exciting," you trill like a teenager who has just discovered snogging. Ah, there's the nub. In fact, this whole horrible process is linked to you rediscovering your sexuality.

Don't get me wrong. I love seeing older women look feminine, sexy and confident in their bodies. But it's about being comfortable with your sexuality (didn't those years of therapy help?), not splashing out on expensive surgery. All this preaching for cosmetic mutilation in the cause of sexiness is severely deluded. I saw the photos of you before the ops and you looked fine. OK, you didn't look like Pamela Anderson, but why would you want to?

Frankly, Fay, you sound as though you've entered the cocoon (and I use this word advisedly) of age crisis. Instead of accepting mortality sensually, poetically, philosophically, you have gone into a panic-driven spiral of denial. I need to tell you that facelifts are not the answer.

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
News
Sir David Attenborough
people
Life and Style
Young girl and bowl of cereal
food + drink
Arts and Entertainment
'The Archers' has an audience of about five million
radioA growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried
News
news
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebooksA year of political gossip, levity and intrigue from the sharpest pen in Westminster
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Tradewind Recruitment: English Teacher

Negotiable: Tradewind Recruitment: This post arises as a result of the need to...

Tradewind Recruitment: Class Teacher Required ASAP In Uminster

£120 - £150 per annum: Tradewind Recruitment: I am recruiting on instruction o...

Ashdown Group: Head of Finance - Financial Director - London - £70,000

£70000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Head of Finance - Financial Controller - Fina...

Ashdown Group: Marketing Executive - Wimbledon, SW London

£24000 - £28000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: Marketing Executive - Wim...

Day In a Page

Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

Homeless Veterans appeal

MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

Has The Archers lost the plot?

A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee
Valentine's Day cards: 5 best online card shops

Don't leave it to the petrol station: The best online card shops for Valentine's Day

Can't find a card you like on the high street? Try one of these sites for individual, personalised options, whatever your taste
Greece elections: In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza

Greece elections

In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza, says Patrick Cockburn
Holocaust Memorial Day: Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears

Holocaust Memorial Day

Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears over Europe
Fortitude and the Arctic attraction: Our fascination with the last great wilderness

Magnetic north

The Arctic has always exerted a pull, from Greek myth to new thriller Fortitude. Gerard Gilbert considers what's behind our fascination with the last great wilderness
Homeless Veterans appeal: Homeless in Wales can find inspiration from Daniel’s story

Homeless Veterans appeal

Homeless in Wales can find inspiration from Daniel’s story
Front National family feud? Marine Le Pen and her relatives clash over French far-right party's response to Paris terror attacks

Front National family feud?

Marine Le Pen and her relatives clash over French far-right party's response to Paris terror attacks
Pot of gold: tasting the world’s most expensive tea

Pot of gold

Tasting the world’s most expensive tea
10 best wildlife-watching experiences: From hen harriers to porpoises

From hen harriers to porpoises: 10 best wildlife-watching experiences

While many of Britain's birds have flown south for the winter, it's still a great time to get outside for a spot of twitching
Nick Easter: 'I don’t want just to hold tackle bags, I want to be out there'

'I don’t want just to hold tackle bags, I want to be out there'

Nick Easter targeting World Cup place after England recall
DSK, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel

The inside track on France's trial of the year

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel: