Dear Fay Weldon

You say you've lost some wrinkles and bags - courtesy of a Hollywood plastic surgeon - but have you also lost your mind?

I was horrified by your confession - actually, it was more like a schoolgirl manifesto - published in the Mail on Sunday that not only have you had an extensive facelift, but you're also tempted by liposuction ("It would make me instantly thin, which would save all that dieting," you rant ecstatically) and even the redefinition of your jaw line.

Fay, have you gone stark, raving mad? You claim to have been inspired into such ludicrous action by your au pair girls getting nose jobs! Such lofty inspiration.

Don't for one minute think that I am a puritanical PC feminist - I'm more of the "lipstick feminist with the fuck me shoes" type that Germaine Greer identified - but I can't help feeling outraged by your facile attitude to cosmetic surgery.

This is not merely a Peter Pan complex, it's an embarrassingly painful addiction to youth - at the age of 63. First we have Shirley Conran making a fool of herself, now you. You're not obliged to age gracefully - please be as disgraceful as you like - but you don't need to be obsessed by youth.

And I was just feeling pleased for you. Your husband, Ron, (he who inspired your book Affliction by being too influenced by his therapist) dumped you after years of marriage (and later died), but in your usual feisty form you regenerated yourself, found a new fella and appeared to be in sparklingly perky spirits.

Little did I realise you were about to embark on an orgy of mutilation. First your eyes - you had the lids lifted to remove the hooded effect (which apparently makes anyone over the age of 25 focus differently and feel less confident, which I have obviously been completely ignorant of because I haven't noticed), then you went on to have your upper face lifted.

Of course, this was all done in Hollywood, where, as you say, "everyone has plastic surgery all the time". In fact, it all seems so natural and healthy to be cut up in Hollywood that you decided "it seemed, well, fun to have some myself".

You sound silly, girlish, euphoric. "The possibilities are endlessly exciting," you trill like a teenager who has just discovered snogging. Ah, there's the nub. In fact, this whole horrible process is linked to you rediscovering your sexuality.

Don't get me wrong. I love seeing older women look feminine, sexy and confident in their bodies. But it's about being comfortable with your sexuality (didn't those years of therapy help?), not splashing out on expensive surgery. All this preaching for cosmetic mutilation in the cause of sexiness is severely deluded. I saw the photos of you before the ops and you looked fine. OK, you didn't look like Pamela Anderson, but why would you want to?

Frankly, Fay, you sound as though you've entered the cocoon (and I use this word advisedly) of age crisis. Instead of accepting mortality sensually, poetically, philosophically, you have gone into a panic-driven spiral of denial. I need to tell you that facelifts are not the answer.

News
Alan Bennett has criticised the “repellent” reality shows which dominate our screens
tvBut he does like Stewart Lee
Life and Style
The Google Doodle celebrating the start of the first day of autumn, 2014.
tech
Arts and Entertainment
Sheridan Smith as Cilla Black and Ed Stoppard as her manager Brian Epstein
tvCilla Episode 2 review: Grit under the glamour in part two of biopic series starring Sheridan Smith
Sport
David Moyes and Louis van Gaal
football
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
News
i100
Life and Style
Vote with your wallet: the app can help shoppers feel more informed about items on sale
lifeNew app reveals political leanings of food companies
News
Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, left, with her daughter, Bristol
newsShe's 'proud' of eldest daughter, who 'punched host in the face'
Sport
New Zealand fly-half Aaron Cruden pictured in The Zookeeper's Son on a late-night drinking session
rugby
Arts and Entertainment
Salmond told a Scottish television chat show in 2001that he would also sit in front of a mirror and say things like,
tvCelebrity Trekkies from Alex Salmond to Barack Obama
Life and Style
Carol O'Brien, whose son Rob suffered many years of depression
healthOne mother's story of how London charity Maytree helped her son with his depression
Arts and Entertainment
The cover of Dark Side of the Moon
musicCan 'The Endless River' carry on the tradition? See for yourself
Life and Style
food + drink
News
Rob Merrick's Lobby Journalists were playing Ed Balls' Labour Party MPs. The match is an annual event which takes place ahead of the opening of the party conference
newsRob Merrick insistes 'Ed will be hurting much more than me'
News
A cabin crew member photographed the devastation after one flight
news
Voices
A new app has been launched that enables people to have a cuddle from a stranger
voicesMaybe the new app will make it more normal to reach out to strangers
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Pharmaceutical Computer System Validation Specialist

£300 - £350 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Pharmaceutical Computer ...

High Level Teaching Assistant (HTLA)

£70 - £90 per day: Randstad Education Birmingham: Higher Level Teaching Assist...

Teaching Assistant

£50 - £80 per day: Randstad Education Birmingham: Randstad Education is the UK...

Senior Java Developer - API's / Webservices - XML, XSLT

£400 - £450 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client is currently ...

Day In a Page

Secret politics of the weekly shop

The politics of the weekly shop

New app reveals political leanings of food companies
Beam me up, Scottie!

Beam me up, Scottie!

Celebrity Trekkies from Alex Salmond to Barack Obama
Beware Wet Paint: The ICA's latest ambitious exhibition

Beware Wet Paint

The ICA's latest ambitious exhibition
Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

Can 'The Endless River' carry on the tradition?
Sanctuary for the suicidal

Sanctuary for the suicidal

One mother's story of how London charity Maytree helped her son with his depression
A roller-coaster tale from the 'voice of a generation'

Not That Kind of Girl:

A roller-coaster tale from 'voice of a generation' Lena Dunham
London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence
Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with Malcolm McLaren

Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

Designer 'felt pressured' into going out with Sex Pistols manager
Jourdan Dunn: Model mother

Model mother

Jordan Dunn became one of the best-paid models in the world
Apple still coolest brand – despite U2 PR disaster

Apple still the coolest brand

Despite PR disaster of free U2 album
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits