Doctor has shock for patients

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If you've ever wondered what your family doctor scribbles on your medical notes, then prepare for something of a shock.

Dr Phil Hammond, The Independent's resident GP and some-time comedian, has broken ranks with his colleagues to reveal that some rather strange acronyms littering patients' records are less than flattering.

Writing in this week's Health Journal, Dr Hammond says that if you are described as a SIG, you would be a Stroppy Ignorant Git.

More amusingly, a GROLIES is a Guardian Reader of Limited Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt, an OAP is an Over-Anxious Patient, while an FLK is the rather Americanised Funny Looking Kid.

PAFO - Pissed And Fell Over - is one that could be applicable to the party season and TUBE describes a Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.

Political correctness may still be the rage, but at least doctors maintain some degree black humour, as Dr Hammond says: "Doctors may appear to be superhuman caring machines in the public eye, but anyone who has worked with us knows it just ain't so."