Bullying: 'She was in tears every day' - Education News - Education - The Independent

Bullying: 'She was in tears every day'

Bullying is a common problem, but parents can take action to help their children, says Amy McLellan

One mother recalls her horror at finding out her eight-year-old daughter was being bullied at school. "She came home every day in tears. The school seemed to think that this was just part of growing up. It only stopped when we moved her to a new school."

Bullying is a widespread problem in schools. A survey by Childline (www.childline.org.uk) found that half of all primary children and more than one in four secondary pupils had been bullied in the previous year. Last year the charity received more than 31,000 calls from victims of bullying, many of whom had kept it secret from their parents, for fear that they would make it worse, or worry.

Parents need to watch for the warning signs. If your child is anxious about going back to school, have a chat with them, then take a deep breath. Your instincts may be to storm up to the school or, the bully's house, but you need to give your child time to talk. Solutions are likely to involve the school, so get your child's permission to talk to a teacher.

The response from schools can vary. They are required to have an anti-bullying policy and it's worth asking for a copy to make sure they are following their own guidelines, says Liz Carnell of Bullying Online.

The charity's website (www.bullying.co.uk) contains a step-by-step guide for parents on how to approach the school.

"If it's a primary school, ask the teacher if they've spotted anything," says Carnell. "Primary teachers can limit contact with the bully in the classroom or step up supervision in the playground." Secondary school bullying is harder to crack as it's much more difficult for teachers to build up a picture of what's going on.

"Don't let the school brush you off because the bullying happens outside school," says Carnell. "Teachers have the power to act on bullying in the vicinity of the school."

Encourage your child to keep a diary of incidents and save abusive emails or text messages as evidence to put before the school. If your first approach doesn't work, write a letter to the head. If that fails, contact the governors and the LEA.

All of this takes time, during which your child may be going through hell. Speaking to a counsellor, either on the phone or online, can help them cope, as can assertiveness exercises. Never advise your child to hit back, though: it leaves them open to allegations of assault and may escalate the violence.

Hilary Wilce, author of Help Your Child Succeed at School (Piatkus), says short-term solutions can include working out a different route home, picking your child up, or even buying a different pair of trainers.

Try not to let the problem dominate at home. "Find outside interests,so they can make a different friends," says Wilce.

The most important thing is to act. Don't let teachers dismiss your concerns. Wilce says, "You know your child best and if you think there's something wrong there usually is."

It's not just the short-term symptoms of anxiety and poor school work; there are also long-term problems, from self-harm to severe depression.

"Bullying doesn't just stop," says Carnell of Bullying Online. "It doesn't usually get resolved unless children confide in an adult and the adult takes it seriously."

Suggested Topics
Life and Style
tech
Arts and Entertainment
Robin Thicke's video for 'Blurred Lines' has been criticised for condoning rape
music
Voices
Yes supporters gather outside the Usher Hall, which is hosting a Night for Scotland in Edinburgh
voicesBen Judah: Is there a third option for England and Scotland that keeps everyone happy?
News
John Travolta is a qualified airline captain and employed the pilot with his company, Alto
people'I felt like that was the lowest I’d ever felt'
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
News
peopleThe report and photo dedicated to the actress’s decolletage has, unsurprisingly, provoked anger
News
A plane flies close to the eruption of the Icelandic volcano
newsAnd yes, it's quite something
Sport
Tito Vilanova passed away aged just 45
footballThe club's former manager died in April, less than a year after he stood down
Arts and Entertainment
Benedict Cumberbatch
artAnd it's even for a good cause
Arts and Entertainment
While many films were released, few managed to match the success of James Bond blockbuster 'Skyfall'
filmsDaniel Craig is believed to be donning skies as 007 for the first time
Life and Style
techCriminals are targeting an e-reader security flaw
Life and Style
tech... and together they're worth at least £100 million
Arts and Entertainment
Matt Damon as Jason Bourne in The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
filmMatt Damon in talks to return
Arts and Entertainment
Evil eye: Douglas Adams in 'mad genius' pose
booksNew biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Arts and Entertainment
Fringe show: 'Cilla', with Sheridan Smith in the title role and Aneurin Barnard as her future husband Bobby Willis
tvEllen E Jones on ITV's 'Cilla'
News
newsBut just how much does a 122-carat coloured diamond go for these days?
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Education

PE Teacher (Female)

Negotiable: Randstad Education Bristol: Teacher of Girls PE for Wiltshire scho...

Head of Science Required

Competitive & Flexible: Randstad Education Cambridge: The JobRandstad Educatio...

KS1 Teacher

£105 - £120 per day + Competitive Rates: Randstad Education Maidstone: Randsta...

Primary Supply Teacher's Urgently Required in Hull and Grimsby

£100 - £120 per day: Randstad Education Hull: We are looking for KS1 & KS2...

Day In a Page

Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam
'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

Exclusive extract from Janis Winehouse's poignant new memoir
Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

The Imitation Game, film review
England and Roy Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption in Basel

England and Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption

Welbeck double puts England on the road to Euro 2016
Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Pictures removed from public view as courts decide ownership
‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

Donatella Versace at New York Fashion Week