Don't do it this way...
A fictional mother and daughter battle it out over the cello
Thursday 04 February 1999
Jenny: "Oh Mum, do I have to? I'm tired - and anyway, you didn't get me any rosin for my bow."
Mother: "The noise you make on that cello, a bit of rosin's not going to make much difference, is it? Off you go, and I want 20 minutes' practice, or no supper."
Jenny: "Mum, will you come and listen? I can't do it on my own."
Mother: "Don't be so feeble, Jenny. I've got to get the supper ready."
(Fifteen minutes later, Jenny has laboriously dragged her cello out, made a bad job of tuning it and gone through two short pieces she has played many times before.)
Jenny: (shouts) "Mum, please can I stop now?"
Mother: (shouts, from kitchen) "No, you can't, that's not 20 minutes. And why haven't you done your scales? You'll never get through your grade three exam, not like Julie down the road, and she got a merit in hers..."
(Jenny plays one and a half scales, very out of tune).
Jenny: "I've done my scales."
Mother: (stomping into playroom in exasperation): "You can't even play the right notes. I don't know why I waste all this money on your music lessons. Honestly, if I'd had the chance at your age... Oh well, you'd better put it away now, I can't stand much more."
Mother: "What now?"
Jenny: "I don't really want to learn the cello any more. Can I do the saxophone instead?"
At least 100 dead after Islamists launch attack on Nigerian mosque
Hollywood actor Mickey Rourke beats opponent 33 years his junior in exhibition boxing match
'You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me': 4-year-old sends adorable love letter to girl at school
Scientists predict green energy revolution after incredible new graphene discoveries
Russell Brand: 'Katy Perry? I don’t know who that is'
Obama: The only people with the right to object to immigration are Native Americans
Ukip says babies born to immigrants in the UK should be classed as migrants – which would include Nigel Farage’s own children
The young are the new poor: Sharp increase in number of under-25s living in poverty, while over-65s are better off than ever
David Cameron sets out immigration reforms: We should distrust Ukip and their 'snake-oil of simple solutions'
Ukip mocked after mistaking Westminster Cathedral – for a mosque
Tamir Rice: 12-year-old boy playing with fake gun dies after being shot by Ohio police
- 1 School playground evacuated over 'unusually aggressive' grey squirrel
- 2 Hollywood actor Mickey Rourke beats opponent 33 years his junior in exhibition boxing match
- 3 Jennifer Lawrence scores first UK top 40 single with Hunger Games track 'The Hanging Tree'
- 4 Today was a bad day for renters, landlords, and democracy
- 5 'You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me': 4-year-old sends adorable love letter to girl at school
£50k - 60k per year + Benefits: Opilio Recruitment: A successful Google join...
£60k per year + benefits: Opilio Recruitment: A successful Google joint vent...
£30k - 34k per year + Benefits: Opilio Recruitment: We are currently recruit...
£35000 - £60000 per annum + benefits: h2 Recruit Ltd: A true market leader in ...