Bridget Jones's Diary

Had never suspected I had been sleeping with Tory. Am torn between love and my political principles

Tuesday 28 January

9st 1 (vg); alcohol units 2 (not nearly enough to prevent heart attack: must do better); cigarettes 5 (excellent); calories 8,243 (poor)

Oh no. Scary dinner party tonight with lawyer-style people. Mark Darcy says it would be a good idea to join in the conversation more instead of sitting in silence looking terrified and that it was not necessary to say "Please may I get down?" to the hostess at the end of the meal. Obviously I know that, and on the occasion when it happened it was an accident brought on by Louise Barton-Forster who is an incredibly opinionated partner in Mark's law firm and the sort of woman you can imagine forcing you to eat cabbage. Anyway will make an effort to join in perhaps even reading the paper to form opinions. Hmm. Think will put different bra on.

2am Back home. Disaster. Was determined to join in but Louise Barton- Forster was hogging the entire conversation with complete gibberish "but in a sense one could argue the entire ER Emeuro Proto is a Gerbilisshew". Then heard chap at other end of the table going, "What we need to be talking about is what kind of party people actually want." As luck would have it this was a subject very close to my heart.

"I completely agree," I joined in eagerly, seeing Mark look pleased. "What people really want is back to basics." Emboldened by Mark's proud expression I went on. "The time parties were really good was when everyone was united in a common purpose, and half an hour after you arrived all the lights would be off and everyone was snogging on the floor."

Suddenly Mark burst into polite laughter which didn't sound at all like him, but which everyone else joined in. "But seriously", he said, shooting me a filthy look, "I think you're absolutely right, Nigel. If I'm going to vote Tory again I want to know my views are being a) researched and b) represented."

I stared at Mark, dumbstruck, in complete horror. Felt like my friend Simon did once when he was playing with some lovely little children at a party then their grandfather turned up and he was Robert Maxwell.

I have always known there was something a bit odd about Mark Darcy - keeping Japanese Rabbitboys in his bed and wanting to put on my hip-and- thigh slimmer - but had never suspected I had been sleeping with a man who voted Tory. Suddenly felt I didn't know him at all, and for all I knew, all the time we had been going out he had been slipping off to rugby matches on a coach, and mooning at other motorists out of the back window.

Was all very tight-lipped in the car on the way home.

"What's the matter?" he said.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"You're ... quivering. Come on. What is it?"

Eventually he stopped the car and made me tell him.

"So I vote Tory, what's wrong with that?" he said, staring at me incredulously.

"But, but ..." I stammered. "I mean if I voted Tory I'd be a social outcast. It would be like turning up at Cafe Rouge on a horse with a pack of beagles and Charles and Camilla in tow or having dinner parties on shiny tables with side plates."

"What do you vote?" he said.

"Labour, of course," I hissed. "Everybody votes Labour."

"Well I think that's patently been proved not to be the case, so far," he said. "Why, anyway?"


"Why do you vote Labour?"

"Well because ..." I paused thoughtfully, "because voting Labour stands for being left-wing".

He looked at me strangely.

"And socialist", I added.

"And what does that mean?"

"The workers standing together."

"Well Blair hasn't exactly been shoring up the powers of the unions, has he?" he said. "Look at Clause IV."

"Well the Tories are rubbish."

"Rubbish?" he said, in a really nasty cold superior voice.

"The economy's in better shape now than it's been in for seven years."

"No it's not," I said emphatically, suddenly realizing I had no idea what I was talking about. "Anyway they've probably just put it up because there's an election coming."

"Put what up?" he said. "Put the economy up? How does Blair's stand on Europe compare to Major's?"

"Quite left of centre," I said doubtfully. "Anyway he would rescue the NHS."

"So why hasn't Blair matched the Tory promise to increase spending on health year by year in real terms?"

Honestly. If only Jude and Shazzer had been there it would have been all right since they could have explained it is perfectly obvious that Labour stands for sharing, kindness, gays, single mothers and Nelson Mandela as opposed to braying bossy men having affairs with everyone shag shag shag left right and centre and going to the Ritz in Paris then telling all the presenters off on the Today programme. And that it is important to vote for the principle of the thing, not on the itsy bitsy details about this per cent or that per cent. But Mark just started up the car and drove along going on and on about pledges on VAT and Labour and the single currency to the point of utter boredom. Eventually instead of driving us back to his place, he drove straight to mine, and didn't even undo his safety belt or turn off the engine.

"Bridget", he said, "if you persist in these bigoted, ill-informed woolly liberal views I don't see how there can be any future for us. I'll call you tomorrow to discuss this more calmly."

Am torn between love and my political principles in manner of Harriet Harman, Romeo and Juliet or similar. Oh my God. Am on horns of dilemma. Oooh, I wonder if Eurotrash is still on on the tellyn

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooksAn evocation of the conflict through the eyes of those who lived through it
Arts and Entertainment
Alfred Molina, left, and John Lithgow in a scene from 'Love Is Strange'
A model of a Neanderthal man on display at the National Museum of Prehistory in Dordogne, France
Dawkins: 'There’s a very interesting reason why a prince could not turn into a frog – it's statistically too improbable'
newsThat's Richard Dawkins on babies with Down Syndrome
Malky Mackay salutes the Cardiff fans after the 3-1 defeat at Liverpool on Sunday
footballFormer Cardiff boss accused of sending homophobic, racist and messages
Arts and Entertainment
Martin Amis: Taken to task over rash decisions and ill-judged statements
booksThe Zone of Interest just doesn't work, says James Runcie
Life and Style
life – it's not, says Rachel McKinnon
Arts and Entertainment
Eye of the beholder? 'Concrete lasagne' Preston bus station
architectureWhich monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?
Travel Shop
the manor
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on city breaks Find out more
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on chic beach resorts Find out more
sardina foodie
Up to 70% off luxury travel
on country retreats Find out more
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Media

Creative Content Executive (writer, social media, website)

£30000 - £35000 Per Annum + 25 days holiday and bonus: Clearwater People Solut...

Legal Recruitment Consultant

Highly Competitive Salary + Commission: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL BASED - DEALING ...

Digital Project Manager / Web Project Manager

£45-50k (DOE) + Bonus & Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced ...

Account Manager

£30 - 35k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking an Account Manager to join ...

Day In a Page

Middle East crisis: We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

Now Obama has seen the next US reporter to be threatened with beheading, will he blink, asks Robert Fisk
Neanderthals lived alongside humans for centuries, latest study shows

Final resting place of our Neanderthal neighbours revealed

Bones dated to 40,000 years ago show species may have died out in Belgium species co-existed
Scottish independence: The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

Scotland’s immigrants are as passionate about the future of their adopted nation as anyone else
Britain's ugliest buildings: Which monstrosities should be nominated for the Dead Prize?

Blight club: Britain's ugliest buildings

Following the architect Cameron Sinclair's introduction of the Dead Prize, an award for ugly buildings, John Rentoul reflects on some of the biggest blots on the UK landscape
eBay's enduring appeal: Online auction site is still the UK's most popular e-commerce retailer

eBay's enduring appeal

The online auction site is still the UK's most popular e-commerce site
Culture Minister Ed Vaizey: ‘lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird’

'Lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird'

Culture Minister Ed Vaizey calls for immediate action to address the problem
Artist Olafur Eliasson's latest large-scale works are inspired by the paintings of JMW Turner

Magic circles: Artist Olafur Eliasson

Eliasson's works will go alongside a new exhibition of JMW Turner at Tate Britain. He tells Jay Merrick why the paintings of his hero are ripe for reinvention
Josephine Dickinson: 'A cochlear implant helped me to discover a new world of sound'

Josephine Dickinson: 'How I discovered a new world of sound'

After going deaf as a child, musician and poet Josephine Dickinson made do with a hearing aid for five decades. Then she had a cochlear implant - and everything changed
Greggs Google fail: Was the bakery's response to its logo mishap a stroke of marketing genius?

Greggs gives lesson in crisis management

After a mishap with their logo, high street staple Greggs went viral this week. But, as Simon Usborne discovers, their social media response was anything but half baked
Matthew McConaughey has been singing the praises of bumbags (shame he doesn't know how to wear one)

Matthew McConaughey sings the praises of bumbags

Shame he doesn't know how to wear one. Harriet Walker explains the dos and don'ts of fanny packs
7 best quadcopters and drones

Flying fun: 7 best quadcopters and drones

From state of the art devices with stabilised cameras to mini gadgets that can soar around the home, we take some flying objects for a spin
Joey Barton: ‘I’ve been guilty of getting a bit irate’

Joey Barton: ‘I’ve been guilty of getting a bit irate’

The midfielder returned to the Premier League after two years last weekend. The controversial character had much to discuss after his first game back
Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

British No 1 knows his consistency as well as his fitness needs working on as he prepares for the US Open after a ‘very, very up and down’ year
Ferguson: In the heartlands of America, a descent into madness

A descent into madness in America's heartlands

David Usborne arrived in Ferguson, Missouri to be greeted by a scene more redolent of Gaza and Afghanistan
BBC’s filming of raid at Sir Cliff’s home ‘may be result of corruption’

BBC faces corruption allegation over its Sir Cliff police raid coverage

Reporter’s relationship with police under scrutiny as DG is summoned by MPs to explain extensive live broadcast of swoop on singer’s home