Bridget Jones's Diary

Had never suspected I had been sleeping with Tory. Am torn between love and my political principles

Tuesday 28 January

9st 1 (vg); alcohol units 2 (not nearly enough to prevent heart attack: must do better); cigarettes 5 (excellent); calories 8,243 (poor)

Oh no. Scary dinner party tonight with lawyer-style people. Mark Darcy says it would be a good idea to join in the conversation more instead of sitting in silence looking terrified and that it was not necessary to say "Please may I get down?" to the hostess at the end of the meal. Obviously I know that, and on the occasion when it happened it was an accident brought on by Louise Barton-Forster who is an incredibly opinionated partner in Mark's law firm and the sort of woman you can imagine forcing you to eat cabbage. Anyway will make an effort to join in perhaps even reading the paper to form opinions. Hmm. Think will put different bra on.

2am Back home. Disaster. Was determined to join in but Louise Barton- Forster was hogging the entire conversation with complete gibberish "but in a sense one could argue the entire ER Emeuro Proto is a Gerbilisshew". Then heard chap at other end of the table going, "What we need to be talking about is what kind of party people actually want." As luck would have it this was a subject very close to my heart.

"I completely agree," I joined in eagerly, seeing Mark look pleased. "What people really want is back to basics." Emboldened by Mark's proud expression I went on. "The time parties were really good was when everyone was united in a common purpose, and half an hour after you arrived all the lights would be off and everyone was snogging on the floor."

Suddenly Mark burst into polite laughter which didn't sound at all like him, but which everyone else joined in. "But seriously", he said, shooting me a filthy look, "I think you're absolutely right, Nigel. If I'm going to vote Tory again I want to know my views are being a) researched and b) represented."

I stared at Mark, dumbstruck, in complete horror. Felt like my friend Simon did once when he was playing with some lovely little children at a party then their grandfather turned up and he was Robert Maxwell.

I have always known there was something a bit odd about Mark Darcy - keeping Japanese Rabbitboys in his bed and wanting to put on my hip-and- thigh slimmer - but had never suspected I had been sleeping with a man who voted Tory. Suddenly felt I didn't know him at all, and for all I knew, all the time we had been going out he had been slipping off to rugby matches on a coach, and mooning at other motorists out of the back window.

Was all very tight-lipped in the car on the way home.

"What's the matter?" he said.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"You're ... quivering. Come on. What is it?"

Eventually he stopped the car and made me tell him.

"So I vote Tory, what's wrong with that?" he said, staring at me incredulously.

"But, but ..." I stammered. "I mean if I voted Tory I'd be a social outcast. It would be like turning up at Cafe Rouge on a horse with a pack of beagles and Charles and Camilla in tow or having dinner parties on shiny tables with side plates."

"What do you vote?" he said.

"Labour, of course," I hissed. "Everybody votes Labour."

"Well I think that's patently been proved not to be the case, so far," he said. "Why, anyway?"

"What?"

"Why do you vote Labour?"

"Well because ..." I paused thoughtfully, "because voting Labour stands for being left-wing".

He looked at me strangely.

"And socialist", I added.

"And what does that mean?"

"The workers standing together."

"Well Blair hasn't exactly been shoring up the powers of the unions, has he?" he said. "Look at Clause IV."

"Well the Tories are rubbish."

"Rubbish?" he said, in a really nasty cold superior voice.

"The economy's in better shape now than it's been in for seven years."

"No it's not," I said emphatically, suddenly realizing I had no idea what I was talking about. "Anyway they've probably just put it up because there's an election coming."

"Put what up?" he said. "Put the economy up? How does Blair's stand on Europe compare to Major's?"

"Quite left of centre," I said doubtfully. "Anyway he would rescue the NHS."

"So why hasn't Blair matched the Tory promise to increase spending on health year by year in real terms?"

Honestly. If only Jude and Shazzer had been there it would have been all right since they could have explained it is perfectly obvious that Labour stands for sharing, kindness, gays, single mothers and Nelson Mandela as opposed to braying bossy men having affairs with everyone shag shag shag left right and centre and going to the Ritz in Paris then telling all the presenters off on the Today programme. And that it is important to vote for the principle of the thing, not on the itsy bitsy details about this per cent or that per cent. But Mark just started up the car and drove along going on and on about pledges on VAT and Labour and the single currency to the point of utter boredom. Eventually instead of driving us back to his place, he drove straight to mine, and didn't even undo his safety belt or turn off the engine.

"Bridget", he said, "if you persist in these bigoted, ill-informed woolly liberal views I don't see how there can be any future for us. I'll call you tomorrow to discuss this more calmly."

Am torn between love and my political principles in manner of Harriet Harman, Romeo and Juliet or similar. Oh my God. Am on horns of dilemma. Oooh, I wonder if Eurotrash is still on on the tellyn

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebooksAn introduction to the ground rules of British democracy
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Media

Guru Careers: Graduate Print Producer / Account Executive

£18 - 25k + Benefits: Guru Careers: A Graduate Print Producer / Account Execut...

Ashdown Group: Graduate Digital Marketing Assistant - Wimbledon

£18000 - £19000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: Graduate Digital Marketin...

Guru Careers: Financial Controller

£45 - £55k DOE: Guru Careers: A Financial Controller is required to join a suc...

Guru Careers: Product Manager / Product Marketing Manager / Product Owner

COMPETITIVE: Guru Careers: A Product Manager / Product Owner is required to jo...

Day In a Page

A Very British Coup, part two: New novel in pipeline as Jeremy Corbyn's rise inspires sequel

A Very British Coup, part two

New novel in pipeline as Jeremy Corbyn's rise inspires sequel
Philae lander data show comets could have brought 'building blocks of life' to Earth

Philae lander data show comets could have brought 'building blocks of life' to Earth

Icy dust layer holds organic compounds similar to those found in living organisms
What turns someone into a conspiracy theorist? Study to look at why some are more 'receptive' to such theories

What turns someone into a conspiracy theorist?

Study to look at why some are more 'receptive' to such theories
Chinese web dissenters using coded language to dodge censorship filters and vent frustration at government

Are you a 50-center?

Decoding the Chinese web dissenters
The Beatles film Help, released 50 years ago, signalled the birth of the 'metrosexual' man

Help signalled birth of 'metrosexual' man

The Beatles' moptop haircuts and dandified fashion introduced a new style for the modern Englishman, says Martin King
Hollywood's new diet: Has LA stolen New York's crown as the ultimate foodie trend-setter?

Hollywood's new diet trends

Has LA stolen New York's crown as the ultimate foodie trend-setter?
6 best recipe files

6 best recipe files

Get organised like a Bake Off champion and put all your show-stopping recipes in one place
Ashes 2015: Steven Finn goes from being unselectable to simply unplayable

Finn goes from being unselectable to simply unplayable

Middlesex bowler claims Ashes hat-trick of Clarke, Voges and Marsh
Mullah Omar, creator of the Taliban, is dead... for the fourth time

Mullah Omar, creator of the Taliban, is dead... again

I was once told that intelligence services declare their enemies dead to provoke them into popping up their heads and revealing their location, says Robert Fisk
Margaret Attwood on climate change: 'Time is running out for our fragile, Goldilocks planet'

Margaret Atwood on climate change

The author looks back on what she wrote about oil in 2009, and reflects on how the conversation has changed in a mere six years
New Dr Seuss manuscript discovered: What Pet Should I Get? goes on sale this week

New Dr Seuss manuscript discovered

What Pet Should I Get? goes on sale this week
Oculus Rift and the lonely cartoon hedgehog who could become the first ever virtual reality movie star

The cartoon hedgehog leading the way into a whole new reality

Virtual reality is the 'next chapter' of entertainment. Tim Walker gives it a try
Ants have unique ability to switch between individual and collective action, says study

Secrets of ants' teamwork revealed

The insects have an almost unique ability to switch between individual and collective action
Donovan interview: The singer is releasing a greatest hits album to mark his 50th year in folk

Donovan marks his 50th year in folk

The singer tells Nick Duerden about receiving death threats, why the world is 'mentally ill', and how he can write a song about anything, from ecology to crumpets
Let's Race simulator: Ultra-realistic technology recreates thrill of the Formula One circuit

Simulator recreates thrill of F1 circuit

Rory Buckeridge gets behind the wheel and explains how it works