Winter is here, the nights are drawing in, and as if that were not depressing enough the annual parade of the Z-list is on its way. 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!', the most inappropriately-named TV programme since a group of people on ITV claimed that they were out looking for "the X Factor", begins tomorrow with an all-loser line-up.
Some people claim to be disappointed after rumours of a slightly starrier cast failed to come true, as they do every year. It's a case of You Want: Paris Hilton; You'd Take: Delia Smith; You'll Get: Anna Ryder Richardson from 'Changing Rooms'. But who is the most entertaining? Delia would turn the basic rations into a nutritious and evenly-toasted meal, which would be tedious. Paris would hardly baulk at putting a witchetty grub in her mouth.
This year's show promises a typical line-up, with a boy band member, a surgically-enhanced hottie, a slightly scary older woman and jaded former controversialist. Just add kangaroo testicles for the show of the year.
Anna Ryder Richardson
Will transform the camp into a designer pink boudoir
His career has followed the usual post-'EE' trajectory
Former footballer will need to control his unPC remarks
Is "looking forward to meeting some jungle hunks"
Jason J Brown
Once of 5ive, says, "I'm going to throw myself at anything"
Welsh singer has fallen on hard times (obviously)
John Burton Race
Poor person's Delia must get used to odd ingredients
Has already had sex with 1,000 men, allegedly
Could be outrageous and use bad words
Said to be the model for Edina from 'AbFab'. Bolly, anyone?