Cartoon capers: Leaked: 'The Simpsons' episode with a very special Great British guest star

Negotiations have purportedly begun for the Prime Minister to appear in The Simpsons. D J Taylor gets a copy of the script...


'GORDON COMES TO SPRINGFIELD'

Scene: Assembly hall, Springfield Elementary. Weak, off-key music of school orchestra recedes. Principal Skinner mounts podium.

SKINNER: "Listen up, people. Do we have a surprise for you! Apparently Nasa is closed for the day and the President has gone gopher-hunting. So a very distinguished foreign guest with nothing else to do has agreed to visit our prize-giving. Let's have a great Springfield Elementary welcome for [consults paper]... Mr Gordon Brown."

Brown emerges to faint applause. Ralph Wiggum presents banner stamped "Welcome Prime Minister Black".

HOMER: "I get it! State Controller Peterson is too good for my little girl. So we have to make do with some punk-ass Limey politician."

LISA: "Actually Mr Brown is a sincere and committed leader whose decisions are based on genuinely held conviction rather than narrow political self-interest, unlike his opportunistic predecessor, Mr Blair."

BART: "Jeez, Lise. You're just quoting from the handout Mrs Krabappel gave us."

MR BURNS: "British, eh? I like the cut of that fellow's jib. Smithers, do you think he could be persuaded to buy the nuclear plant?"

SMITHERS: "Given the fall in European energy supplies, it's a definite possibility, sir."

BROWN [as if reading from autocue but in fact spontaneously]: "It is a considerable pleasure to me to be present at this extremely commendable gathering. My own considered view, and that of my assistant, Mr Balls, is a prize for every child, but until that time... [continues]"

BART: "I never heard anyone speak like that. What planet is he from?"

Cut to Kang and Kodos in spaceship, listening in via transmitter.

KANG: "Curses, curses! They have discovered our plan to replace the leader Brown with a dull, platitude-mongering automaton identical to the original in every way save for his commitment to our dream of interplanetary conquest. Abort mission! Abort mission!"

Brown's speech drifts up via air-vent to washrooms, where Groundskeeper Willie is unblocking a toilet.

WILLIE: "Ach, come to Willie, ya wee obstruction [cocks ear]. Noo! It cannat be! Willie knows that voice. Talkin' to the wee ones in yon great hall" [throws down plunger and races upstairs to assembly].

BROWN: "... assuming a proportion of GNP devoted to educational budgets of not less than 7 but certainly not exceeding 9 per cent..."

WILLIE [seizes him by the shoulders]: "Willie knew! Do ye not recognise us man? Yer ain long-lost cousin from Auchtermuchty, that wrestled naked with ye in the ice-cold waters of the Dee, you that was such a kenspeckle lad, afore ye took the laird's siller forbye?" [Brown looks horrified] "Now Willie's found ye again he'll not let ye go" [kisses Brown on cheeks].

VOICE OF NELSON MUNTZ: "How gay is that?" [continues]

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebooksA special investigation by Andy McSmith
News
Nick Clegg on the campaign trail in Glasgow on Wednesday; he says education is his top priority
peopleNick Clegg remains optimistic despite dismal Lib Dem poll ratings
Arts and Entertainment
Buttoned up: Ryan Reynolds with Helen Mirren in ‘Woman in Gold’
filmFor every box-office smash in his Hollywood career, there's always been a misconceived let-down. Now he says it's time for a reboot
News
people
News
Actress Julianne Moore wins the Best Actress in a Leading Role Award for 'Still Alice' during the 87th Annual Academy Awards in Hollywood, California
people
Sport
Ross Barkley
footballPaul Scholes says it's time for the Everton playmaker to step up and seize the England No 10 shirt
News
'We will fix it': mice in the 1970s children’s programme Bagpuss
science
Life and Style
2 Karl Lagerfeld and Choupette
fashion
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Media

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Dublin (based in London)

£20000 - £25000 per annum + commission: SThree: Real Staffing's Pharmaceutical...

Ashdown Group: Web Developer - London - £40K plus benefits - Salary negotiable

£38000 - £40000 per annum + Excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: A leading consu...

Sheridan Maine: Accounts Assistant

£12 - £15 Hourly Rate: Sheridan Maine: Are you an experienced Accounts Assista...

Sheridan Maine: Accounts Payable Clerk

£21,000 - £24,000 Annual: Sheridan Maine: Are you looking for a new opportunit...

Day In a Page

War with Isis: Iraq declares victory in the battle for Tikrit - but militants make make ominous advances in neighbouring Syria's capital

War with Isis

Iraq declares victory in the battle for Tikrit - but militants make make ominous advances in neighbouring Syria
Scientists develop mechanical spring-loaded leg brace to improve walking

A spring in your step?

Scientists develop mechanical leg brace to help take a load off
Peter Ackroyd on Alfred Hitchcock: How London shaped the director's art and obsessions

Peter Ackroyd on Alfred Hitchcock

Ackroyd has devoted his literary career to chronicling the capital and its characters. He tells John Walsh why he chose the master of suspense as his latest subject
Ryan Reynolds interview: The actor is branching out with Nazi art-theft drama Woman in Gold

Ryan Reynolds branches out in Woman in Gold

For every box-office smash in Ryan Reynolds' Hollywood career, there's always been a misconceived let-down. It's time for a rethink and a reboot, the actor tells James Mottram
Why Robin Williams safeguarded himself against a morbid trend in advertising

Stars safeguard against morbid advertising

As film-makers and advertisers make increasing posthumous use of celebrities' images, some stars are finding new ways of ensuring that they rest in peace
The UK horticulture industry is facing a skills crisis - but Great Dixter aims to change all that

UK horticulture industry facing skills crisis

Great Dixter manor house in East Sussex is encouraging people to work in the industry by offering three scholarships a year to students, as well as generous placements
Hack Circus aims to turn the rule-abiding approach of TED talks on its head

Hack Circus: Technology, art and learning

Hack Circus aims to turn the rule-abiding approach of TED talks on its head. Rhodri Marsden meets mistress of ceremonies Leila Johnston
Sevenoaks is split over much-delayed decision on controversial grammar school annexe

Sevenoaks split over grammar school annexe

If Weald of Kent Grammar School is given the go-ahead for an annexe in leafy Sevenoaks, it will be the first selective state school to open in 50 years
10 best compact cameras

A look through the lens: 10 best compact cameras

If your smartphone won’t quite cut it, it’s time to invest in a new portable gadget
Paul Scholes column: Ross Barkley played well against Italy but he must build on that. His time to step up and seize that England No 10 shirt is now

Paul Scholes column

Ross Barkley played well against Italy but he must build on that. His time to step up and seize that England No 10 shirt is now
Why Michael Carrick is still proving an enigma for England

Why Carrick is still proving an enigma for England

Manchester United's talented midfielder has played international football for almost 14 years yet, frustratingly, has won only 32 caps, says Sam Wallace
Tracey Neville: The netball coach who is just as busy as her brothers, Gary and Phil

Tracey Neville is just as busy as her brothers, Gary and Phil

The former player on how she is finding time to coach both Manchester Thunder in the Superleague and England in this year's World Cup
General Election 2015: The masterminds behind the scenes

The masterminds behind the election

How do you get your party leader to embrace a message and then stick to it? By employing these people
Machine Gun America: The amusement park where teenagers go to shoot a huge range of automatic weapons

Machine Gun America

The amusement park where teenagers go to shoot a huge range of automatic weapons
The ethics of pet food: Why are we are so selective in how we show animals our love?

The ethics of pet food

Why are we are so selective in how we show animals our love?