Inside Story: Theatre critics under the spotlight

1. TIM WALKER, 43, Sunday Telegraph

Walker replaced John Gross and became the shortest-reigning theatre critic in living memory. Dominic Lawson appointed him in 2005, Sarah Sands sacked him, and Patience Wheatcroft reinstated him. This starstruck dandy auditioned for Rada three times, but struggled to remember his lines. Walker learnt his gladiatorial skills as Nigel Dempster's deputy. He joined The Sunday Telegraph as Mandrake in 2003. Puns are his speciality, scandal his life.

Education: Millfield

Review: "It was not just Bard but indescribably Bard." (Measure for Measure, Theatre Royal Bath)

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2. NICHOLAS DE JONGH, 59, Evening Standard

This gargoyle-faced iconoclast was once part of a camp double-act with the Mail's Jack Tinker. He never worries whom he offends, which is risky if you enjoy mixing in the Joe Allen/Ivy/Groucho set. De Jongh once demanded police protection following an unkind review of Steven Berkoff's 1979 Hamlet. But the former Guardian critic, who joined the Standard in 1991, rarely mentions his own short-lived play of 1990, Aids Memoirs.

Education: St Paul's School and University College London

Review: "The lethally effective, mesmerising Kathleen Turner, a butch, boozy broad in a middle-age spread of malice and a tight blouse, does her sadistic bit with all the lazy nonchalance of a maid swatting flies." (Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Apollo)

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3. SUSANNAH CLAPP, 57, The Observer

Having spent most of her career in publishing, Clapp brings her literary gifts to reviewing. She was assistant editor of the London Review of Books, and at Jonathan Cape edited Bruce Chatwin, later becoming his literary executor and memoirist. The Observer's theatre critic since 1997, Clapp has an elegant, unforced style that sometimes demolishes her victims with faint praise. A regular on Radio 3's Night Waves.

Education: Ashford Grammar School and Bristol University

Review: 'This is one of the most astonishing events, not just in the theatre, but in the whole of London." (Faust, 21 Wapping Lane)

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4. CHARLES SPENCER, 51, Daily Telegraph

This convivial ex-alcoholic is best remembered for his description of Nicole Kidman's nude scene in The Blue Room as "pure theatrical Viagra". He has turned his crits into a private confessional, starting his review of the National's The Seafarer, for example, thus: "It has been an extraordinarily boozy week in the theatre and, no, I haven't relapsed and started knocking back the double Scotches during the interval." The Telegraph critic since 1991, Spencer was Paul Dacre's first choice to succeed the Mail's Michael Coveney. Recent run-in with actor Simon Callow after a review Spencer wrote of Martin Sherman's play Bent, coincidentally directed by Callow's partner Daniel Kramer.

Education: Charterhouse and Balliol College, Oxford

Review: "There are those who relish a truly dreadful musical. They turn up like rubber-neckers at a car crash and spend an enjoyable evening hooting with derision. Unfortunately, this doesn't even fall into the cherished 'so bad it's good' category." (Behind the Iron Mask, Duchess)

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5. BILL HAGERTY, 67, The Sun

A streetwise, entertaining writer, Hagerty's reviews sometimes resemble bathtime chez John Haigh circa 1944. With The Sun's circulation, this former People editor has a major influence, particularly with regard to new musicals. Showbiz is in his blood, having interviewed all the Hollywood greats during his 40-year tabloid career. He is said to have rebuffed Joan Collins's advances.

Education: Beal Grammar School, Ilford

Review: "The highlight of Terry Johnson's new play is the vivacious Kelly Reilly descending a staircase topless." (Piano/Forte, Royal Court)

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6. QUENTIN LETTS, 43, Daily Mail

After monstering politicians, Letts now inflicts his right-wing views on theatreland. Ignorance is no bar to him slamming shows. Of the National's Market Boy he wrote: "a laughably lame, patronising, clichéd, outdated, naive, uninteresting play"). This Wodehouseian former Telegraph gossip columnist "churns out copy like a demented food-processor" (The Guardian), whether it's for media diaries or Horse & Hound.

Education: Haileybury, Trinity College, Dublin, and Jesus College, Cambridge

Review: "To call it a stinker doesn't do it justice. It's smellier than the sewage works next to the M4." (A Right Royal Farce, King's Head)

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7. PAUL TAYLOR, 51, The Independent

This Struwwelpeter-haired theatrical historian would surely agree with H L Mencken's dictum that "criticism is prejudice made plausible". Taylor, a Lancashire-born former Oxford English don, brings a forensic, well-researched analysis to his drama reviews, which is rather wasted on London's current slew of musicals, much as he loves them. Indy theatre critic since 1990, he commutes from Oxford.

Education: West Park Grammar School and Balliol College, Oxford

Review: "How marvellous that Hytner's National Theatre is prepared to go out on a limb on a production of such experimental calibre and coherence." (The Waves, National)

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8. TOBY YOUNG, 43, The Spectator

Quite what qualified this ultimate exponent of train-crash journalism to become The Spectator's theatre critic was a question asked by many, but that would be to overlook his sheer readability. Co-author with Lloyd Evans of 2005 hit farce Who's the Daddy? - based on the travails of David Blunkett - but unable to repeat the feat this year with A Right Royal Farce, on which Young's counterparts inflicted a severe beating.

Education: Brasenose College, Oxford, and Harvard University

Review: "Even the sycophantic first-night audience ... who always laugh loudly at the feeblest of witticisms to demonstrate that they've 'got' the joke, struggled to find the high jinks funny." (The Alchemist, National)

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9. ROSIE MILLARD, 40, New Statesman

Independent readers will be familiar with Millard's lively writing from the Thrifty Living column in our Saturday paper, to which she graduated after confessing to the world the mountainous scale of her credit-card debt. As a former arts correspondent of the BBC, Millard is very much at home in theatreland, though she may never live down the moment at the 2001 Oscars when newsreader Michael Buerk gave her the award for "best-supporting dress".

Education: Wimbledon High School and Hull University

Review: "You can almost hear the plot being hatched by a bunch of students during a night that involved too much red wine: 'Let's do Sesame Street! But a RUDE version!' 'Yeah! With loads of SEX, bad language, homophobia and racism!' (Avenue Q, Noël Coward)

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10. MICHAEL BILLINGTON, 67, The Guardian

Some colleagues believe that it's time that this civilised, erudite dinosaur exited stage right. But his 35-year Guardian tenure is nothing compared with the Telegraph's W A Darlington's 48 years. Sometimes his reviews verge on Pseuds Corner: of Peter Hall's Waiting for Godot, he wrote: "We all bring to Beckett's play whatever is uppermost in our minds. Having just read Don Quixote, I latched on to the Cervantine use of antithesis and interdependence." But that his energy and enthusiasm are undimmed after more than half a lifetime in the job is remarkable, and he is still capable of succinct put-downs: "If you missed it the first time, here's your chance to miss it again." (Godspell)

Education: Warwick School and St Catherine's College, Oxford

Review: "Actors one knows to be good ... are forced into more mugging than you'll find in Central Park after dark." (A Right Royal Farce, King's Head)

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11. MARK SHENTON, 44, Sunday Express

This workaholic bachelor confesses to seeing shows six days a week, regularly trawling the fringe and the provinces. But you can almost see the nail marks as Shenton tries to escape the tiny review cage allotted him. Luckily, he also compiles a newsblog for The Stage, and is contributing editor to theatre.com. He worries that colleagues have recently "overdosed on Prozac" because of their "ecstatic" reviews of some musicals, but he often awards four or five stars.

Education: St John's College, Johannesburg and Corpus Christi College, Cambridge

Review: "There isn't a more gripping new play on the London stage, or one acted with such seriously combustible conviction, than Peter Morgan's play." (Frost/Nixon, Donmar Warehouse)

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12. BENEDICT NIGHTINHGALE, 67, The Times

Few would believe that the courtly, dishevelled, curry-loving Nightingale could close a show, particularly those who condemn him for being "one of the world's great fence-sitters". None the less, his and others' ferocious reviews of Behind the Iron Mask recently led to closure notices going up after 48 hours. This mustachioed former New Statesman critic interrupted his journalistic career by becoming Professor of English, Theatre and Drama at Michegan University. He returned to join The Times in 1990.

Education: Magdalene College, Cambridge and the University of Pennsylvania

Review: "The lyrics are mostly vile and the sudden twists of behaviour would take platoons of psychiatrists to unravel." (Behind the Iron Mask, Duchess)

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13. ALASTAIR MACAULAY, 51, Financial Times

This waspish, Essex farmer's son, nicknamed "Dame Alicia", is respected for his ballet and theatre knowledge are respected, but some colleagues find him "a bit grand". Author of books on Margot Fonteyn and Matthew Bourne, he originally wanted to be an actor. Instead, he joined the FT in 1988 as junior dance critic and became theatre critic in 1994.

Education: Felsted School and Clare College, Cambridge

Review: "Ravenhill condemns us to spend 80 minutes (it feels longer) with people he knows are creepy and failures." (Thérèse Raquin, National)

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14. GEORGINA BROWN, 46, Mail on Sunday

This live-wire Critics' Circle favourite writes in headlines, eg dismissing Mel Smith's touring production, An Hour and a Half, as "an hour and a half too long". "George" became junior critic on The Independent in 1987, and was lured to The Mail on Sunday in 1996. She avoids socialising with theatre types, both to avoid compromising her reviews and to spend time gardening in Somerset.

Education: Wellington High School for Girls, Marlborough College and Bedford College, London University

Review: "The score is insipid, the production witless, charmless, brainless and tedious. After almost three hours of drivel ... I almost lost the will to live." (Wicked, Apollo)

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15. JOHN PETER, 68, Sunday Times

This former Times Educational Supplement intellectual is one critic who really knows his Marlowe from his Johnson. Yet he arrived in Britain after the Hungarian uprising speaking not a word of English. JP's rigorous reviews don't pander to the cheap joke or snappy billboard headline. He spent 20 years as ST critic, was compulsorily retired at 65, but rehired as second critic. The producer Bill Kenwright believes that "a JP rave can sell more seats than any other critic".

Education: Various Hungarian state schools and Lincoln College, Oxford

Review: "A dire production, intellectually muddled and artistically vulgar; its presence at the Edinburgh Festival is a scandal." (Three Sisters, King's)

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16. KATE BASSETT, 39, The Independent on Sunday

Critics joke that in Fleet Street's dumbed-down, celebrity-obsessed mood, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson could soon join their ranks. Unfazed, Bassett remains a shamelss savante. Still under 40, she is an anomaly in this profession of largely ageing males and often has a stridently different opinion too. She ditched theatre directing to become a critic on The Times and then the Telegraph, and joined the IoS in 2000. With her Jonathan Miller biography out soon, she may develop into a new Penelope Gilliatt, the Observer critic who memorably wrote of her rival Sunday Times colleague that, once a week, "London was awakened by the sound of Harold Hobson barking up the wrong tree".

Education: Hertfordshire and Essex High School, Westminster School and Corpus Christi College, Cambridge.

Review: "[Robert] Fardell wears a helmet resembling a huge bobbly wart ... possibly saving him the embarrassment of recognition after the show." (Behind the Iron Mask, Duchess Theatre)

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