John Walsh's Media Diary

The
Sunday Telegraph editor, Dominic Lawson, has been hauled over the coals by the Army for running a Trog cartoon showing coffins being loaded on to an aircraft above the caption, "Home by Christmas' - Tony Blair". Lieutenant-Colonel Ed Brown expressed his "disgust" and opined that it would give "enormous offence to all professional soldiers everywhere". It's a blow to think the whole British army is ranged against you - but it might explain the weirdly paranoid articles being published in Mr Lawson's organ. Staff are scratching their heads over last week's feature about self-defence, and how the ordinary bourgeois chap, on discovering an intruder in his home, can be transformed into a commando-style killer. The article explains how a wooden spoon can become a lethal weapon, how house keys can double as a chav knuckle-duster, and how to behave in your living-room: "If the intruder continues to approach, throw your arms around his neck, pull him to you and do what you can with your teeth. Bite hi

The Sunday Telegraph editor, Dominic Lawson, has been hauled over the coals by the Army for running a Trog cartoon showing coffins being loaded on to an aircraft above the caption, "Home by Christmas' - Tony Blair". Lieutenant-Colonel Ed Brown expressed his "disgust" and opined that it would give "enormous offence to all professional soldiers everywhere". It's a blow to think the whole British army is ranged against you - but it might explain the weirdly paranoid articles being published in Mr Lawson's organ. Staff are scratching their heads over last week's feature about self-defence, and how the ordinary bourgeois chap, on discovering an intruder in his home, can be transformed into a commando-style killer. The article explains how a wooden spoon can become a lethal weapon, how house keys can double as a chav knuckle-duster, and how to behave in your living-room: "If the intruder continues to approach, throw your arms around his neck, pull him to you and do what you can with your teeth. Bite his ear off". Dominic, for pity's sake, calm down. Buy a dog.

* What a shame Jason Robinson's sporting column didn't appear in the Daily Mail last Monday. England's first black rugby captain's column has appeared sporadically in the Mail for more than a year, and it would have been interesting to read this thoughts on his team's crushing defeat of Canada the previous Saturday. But Robinson spent last week steaming with silent rage and refusing to speak to the press after discovering that four tabloid papers had been sniffing around his bad-boy past, digging up sore old tales of drinking, family violence and illegitimate children. When the mother of his first child was harassed by the red-tops, she passed on their names to Robinson. How surprised he must have been to discover one of them was, er, the Daily Mail.

* Is Channel 4 about to buy Oneword Radio and build up a radio network to rival the BBC? Is Channel 4 planning a merger with Channel Five? Should Channel 4 cling to its status as a public service broadcaster, or go for all-out privatisation? Funny how you can't imagine C4's new chairman, Luke Johnson, concerning himself with these enervating matters. In next month's Condé Nast Traveller, the bible of the globe-trotting bon viveur, Mr Johnson is discovered far from the cares of televisual office: "It's 5.30pm on a Saturday afternoon, and I find myself dancing on top of a bar at a beach club called La Voile Bleu. All the beautiful people from Beirut gather here at weekends... In downtown Beirut, one can spend the day at a café drinking strong coffee... or sipping arak, the local spirit made from grapes and aniseed". His irascible pop, Paul Johnson, would surely have something to say about such indolence.

* Oh my God, she's back. Just when you thought that sex on television was becoming gratifyingly frank, a counter-blast is launched by mediawatch-uk. It has announced a short-film contest, "for excellence in film and programme production at UK universities and colleges", specifying that submissions "should not include harmful or offensive material" and should show "respect for human dignity". So far, so good. The name of the £1,000 prize, though, might put off a few thrusting young film-makers: it's the Mary Whitehouse Award 2005.

* The media event of the year took place last Friday at a 12th-century church in Bury St Edmunds, with 1,060 people packed inside its stone walls, and 2,000 more crammed outside. It was, of course, John Peel's funeral. The music playlist summed up the bewildering eclecticism of Peel's enthusiasms: there was the Ave Verum sung by the Stowmarket Choral Society, followed by Howlin' Wolf's "Going Down Slow", Rachmaninov's second piano concerto, Cesar Franck's Panis Angelicus and, er, Roy Orbison's "Running Scared". In his evocative pen-picture of the obsequies for the next Word magazine, Mark Ellen describes what it's like singing hymns surrounded by dozens of legendary rockers: "Billy Bragg and Robert Plant on my left, Jack and Meg White in front of me, on the right Jarvis Cocker and two of The Undertones. We were singing "Abide With Me". I was waiting for Robert Plant [the legendary Led Zeppelin screecher] to sing "Change and decay in all around I seeeeeee", but it never happened".

* Most Confusing Magazine Pitch of the autumn is the fanfare for a new magazine called OHELL, which was launched on Thursday. The backers explain its raison d'être as follows: "O is about embracing the positive things in life. It is optimistic, inspirational, inclusive and full of hope. HELL is equally important and omnipresent. It is about artifice, divisiveness and lack of motivation." In other words, Pollyanna meets Samuel Beckett. Don't all rush.

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebooksA special investigation by Andy McSmith
News
Andy Davidhazy at the beginning (left) and end (right) of his hike
video
News
Taylor Swift is applying to trademark song lyrics from 1989
people
Voices
The popularity of TV shows such as The Liver Birds encouraged Liverpudlians to exaggerate their Scouse accent
voicesWe exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor
Life and Style
Parker says: 'I once had a taster use the phrase 'smells like the sex glands of a lemming'. Who in the world can relate to that?'
food + drinkRobert Parker's 100-point scale is a benchmark of achievement for wine-makers everywhere
News
i100
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Media

Ashdown Group: Web Developer - ASP.NET, C#, MVC - London

£45000 - £55000 per annum + Excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: Web Developer -...

Ashdown Group: .NET Developer : ASP.NET , C# , MVC , web development

£40000 - £50000 per annum + Excellent benefits - see advert: Ashdown Group: .N...

Guru Careers: 3D Package Designer / 3D Designer

£25 - 30K: Guru Careers: We are seeking an exceptional 3D Package Designer / 3...

Guru Careers: Interior Designer

£Competitive: Guru Careers: We are seeking a strong Middleweight / Senior Inte...

Day In a Page

Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

The only direction Zayn could go

We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

Spells like teen spirit

A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

Licence to offend in the land of the free

Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

From farm to fork in Cornwall

One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

Robert Parker interview

The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor
How to make your own Easter egg: Willie Harcourt-Cooze shares his chocolate recipes

How to make your own Easter egg

Willie Harcourt-Cooze talks about his love affair with 'cacao' - and creates an Easter egg especially for The Independent on Sunday
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef declares barbecue season open with his twist on a tradtional Easter Sunday lamb lunch

Bill Granger's twist on Easter Sunday lunch

Next weekend, our chef plans to return to his Aussie roots by firing up the barbecue
Joe Marler: 'It's the way I think the game should be played'

Joe Marler: 'It's the way I think the game should be played'

The England prop relives the highs and lows of last Saturday's remarkable afternoon of Six Nations rugby
Cricket World Cup 2015: Has the success of the tournament spelt the end for Test matches?

Cricket World Cup 2015

Has the success of the tournament spelt the end for Test matches?
The Last Word: Justin Gatlin knows the price of everything, the value of nothing

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Justin Gatlin knows the price of everything, the value of nothing