Oliver Duff's Media Diary

Matron! The smelling salts! A concerning development at the Almeida Theatre, where the London Evening Standard's critic, Nicholas "Ding Dong" de Jongh, was seen "resting his eyes" during Pinter's The Homecoming. "He was slumped with them closed for a long time. Deeply relaxed," explains a fellow scribe. "He does it quite often, it is extraordinary. Then he will suddenly sit bolt-upright and start scribbling notes."

Pleasing though it is to hear of such absence of deference towards hallowed Harold, de Jongh is fingered as a repeat shut-eye offender and a pretender to Sheridan Morley's crumpled paper crown. De Jongh was again found meditating during last week's Scarborough at the Royal Court – to the delight of other audience members sitting "in the round", but not the Court's artistic director, Dominic Cooke, who was unimpressed with the Standard's subsequent putrid review.

That write-up must be the more galling given how Cooke helped De Jongh prepare for his own new play, Plague Over England, about John Gielgud's arrest in a public loo and persecution. Ingratitude? Nay, independence, truly. Yet the sound of a bottom bugle trumpets across the West End as De Jongh waits 10 days for scribe colleagues to judge his drama. It must be hoped reviewers prepare with an early night. When I speak to De Jongh, he denies narcolepsy and accuses several rivals of taking their eyes off the stage action and orchestrating a witch hunt. Pray no!

PETER "SOLOMON" Preston, for 20 years editor of The Guardian, upset the metaphorical brimming bedpan with his damning review in that newspaper of Flat Earth News, the book on journalistic ethics by The Guardian's investigative reporter Nick Davies. Preston, who was on jury service while reading the tome, judged it "full of lordly contempt" and "up close and personal". Should he have disclosed his own relationship with the author, whom he dismissed as "Saint Nick"? Bad blood between Preston and Davies dates back to 1984, when a heated discussion developed between the two over maternity pay to Davies's then partner, a Guardian staffer. Davies sent editor Preston a legal letter, and the matter was unpleasantly resolved. They have not since spoken. Preston's memory escapes him on this one, although he does "admire the way [current editor] Alan [Rusbridger], has used Nick over the past 10 years". Hopefully it will all come out in the wash. (No spin cycle.)

PAXMAN , you wuss: get back in your box, and spare a thought for Saturday Kitchen's James Martin. The chef, who in 2005 beat the world record for carrot chopping, endured an unusual wardrobe defect during the BBC Worldwide Strictly Come Dancing stage show. Presenter Kate Thornton admonished him for playing with his walnuts, leading Martin to explain why he was dancing like the proverbial Uncle Knobhead at a family wedding: "My underpants are sewn to my shirt. Every time I raise my arms it's like cheese wire."

TIME FOR the libel lawyers to don their catsuits. The Spice Girls have begun libel proceedings against the News of the World. The red-top's showbiz editor, Rav Singh, claimed that when Posh, Ginger et al filmed a video apologising to fans for cancelling their world tour dates in China, Australia, South Africa and Argentina, the women squabbled so much that it took seven takes to effect sisterhood. The Spice Girls' publicist says the article is "complete rubbish". The lawyers' horns are locked.

WICKED Willie cartoonist Gray Jolliffe recently took his pal from college, the award-winning adman and director Alan Parker, to dinner at The Groucho. The next day, Sir Al, 64, phoned Gray and asked him to arrange membership. Forms were filled in; Al was proposed, and the committee meeting held, to which Gray was summoned. "Is this the same Alan Parker of Evita and Bugsy Malone fame?" he was asked. Indeed, affirmed Gray. "I have to tell you," came the reply, "he has been a member and paying subs for 22 years...."

HOPEFULLY Classic FM, in the midst of a revamp, will find a moment on Friday for Chopin's Piano Sonata No 2 in B flat minor – known as "the funeral march" – to mark the passing of Classic Newsnight, the station's nightly, half-hour news and arts show with John Brunning. "It's been axed," explains a mole, "because it's confusing for the audience to chop between current affairs speech programming and music." The station's new line-up includes Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and Alex James. Instead of Brunning, the evening airwaves will be oiled by Margherita Taylor who, admittedly, has less of a face for radio.

MARTIN Bright, political editor of the New Statesman, rules himself out of the running to succeed John Kampfner as editor: "I will not throw my hat into the ring. I am too much of a reporter." Guardian columnist Jackie Ashley, wife of Andrew Marr, won't return calls on the subject, while Mirror associate editor Kevin Maguire, tipped in Westminster, is beyond the Statesman's budget. The mag's owner, Geoffrey Robinson, is said to want someone telegenic.

THIS WEEK'S Golden Swallow Award, given to the PR who best force-feeds Her Majesty's Press Corps, goes to the agency Brand Nation, for its "More than just Speedos" swimsuit campaign, which was rewarded with a page-lead in The Times. Key to the success, judges decided, was a glossy, inch-thick dossier of PR guff about what is a glorified pair of packetbashers. Alas, the item arrived here too late for a photo byline.