Red-Top Week: Strange world of tea, teeth and tabbies

The Sun got to the nub of prime ministerial hypocrisy with "Tea perk is axed in No 10 cutbacks". Civil service mandarins won't get tea served to their desks, according to a source quoted as saying that David Cameron "wants to prove we really are all in this together" – except that the PM will still have his tea brought to him.

The most peculiar public spending cuts story, however, was in the Daily Star on Thursday. Sussex police is trying to save £23,000 a year in licensing fees by banning music in squad cars and cell blocks. Officers will be allowed to play music only if there is "no chance of a colleague or member of the public listening in".

Some tabloid stories leave you wanting to know more. "Man's deafness cured after TOOTH is removed from ear" in the Daily Mirror, for instance. Stephen Hirst, 47, is cured of his 30-year headache after a tooth is removed from his ear. How did it get there?

And sometimes you do wonder about motive. Laura Hadland of Warrington, reported the Daily Star, marked her husband's mother's birthday by using 9,852 slices of toast to construct a gigantic mosaic of her mother-in-law's face. Compliment or insult?

Meanwhile, from the University of Do They Really Do PhDs in That?, the Daily Mail reports that "a study has shown" that "men who grow up with lots of sisters are not as attractive to women as those who grow up with brothers".

The story that has everything: MP's wife charged with stealing a kitten from her husband's lover's home. The MP in question, Lib Dem John Hemming, made it better by saying his marital status was "an unclear situation". His wife said: "Relations between Emily and me have never been good."