The Feral Beast: Michael White, first with the latest

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The Independent Online

He has been a political reporter for The Guardian since Pitt the Younger's first belch; these days, Michael White is so grand he can't be bothered with the boring matter of keeping abreast of facts.

"Why are they attacking Millbank tower?" he asked everyone on Wednesday. "Because it's the Tory headquarters," they all replied. "I don't think it is," he said, until he eventually found time to look it up on Google. "Yes, the Tories did move back to Millbank," he later conceded on his blog, "They just forgot to tell me."

Is 33 the magic number at BBC 3?

Still no white smoke at BBC 3, after controller Danny Cohen was promoted to head BBC 1. One name being whispered in my ear is Ben Stephenson, the controller of drama commissioning across several BBC channels, who is credited with hits such as Lark Rise to Candleford and the No1 Ladies' Detective Agency. Cohen was 33 when he became BBC 3 controller, which is Stephenson's age.

When friends fall out

The Daily Telegraph is often accused of trying to be like the Mail, but it is, it turns out, capable of taking a different line. Reporting Country Life's survey of who owns Britain, the Mail went into chippy mode, wailing "A third of the country STILL belongs to the aristocracy". The Telegraph, meanwhile, plumped for a mournful: "Disappearing ranks of the landed gentry". Is Charles Moore back in on holiday cover.

Mystery surrounds the PM's forehead

The Guardian chose a hard-hitting photo from the Millbank riots for the cover of Friday's G2, showing a burning effigy of David Cameron. But it was rather different to the original snap, which showed a grotesque schoolboy doodle scrawled on Dave's forehead. By the time the photo made it into The Guardian, this graffito had disappeared. Why the outrageous airbrushing? Guardian cartoonist Steve Bell always draws Dave's head in a condom.

Ease off the throttle

The Times, The Observer, The Telegraph – Jasper Gerard has had many incarnations. Now he is writing about classic cars. "I've had more fantasies about cars than Hugh Hefner has had centrefolds," he pants, "yet I'd never committed the thought crime of imagining what it would be like to go with a [Rover] P4....No hot date is going to drop their knickers for anyone driving this: this car's twinset and bloomers will remain securely fastened, won't they?" Down boy!

At last – another famous Belgian

John Suchet has won a new lease of life at Classic FM's weekday morning show. The 66-year-old was proud to tell listeners that his brother, David Suchet, has been named an honorary Belgian for his portrayal of the moustache-twiddling detective Hercule Poirot. No thanks to John, as he confessed: "When David told me he had been offered the part, I advised him to turn it down."