Quotes of 2007

From printed errors, inaccuracies and contradictions to radio and TV bloomers, Tom Tickell picks out 50 of the best and the worst quotes of 2007
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The Independent Online

1: "Police shoot dead woman in car park"
The Metro, London

2: "Tibetan living Buddhas have been banned from re-incarnation without permission from China's atheist rulers"
The Times

3: "Man who killed best friend warned to behave"
Wigtownshire Free Press

4: "Brits will on average be enjoying 3.5 eggs each over Easter weekend. But over a quarter do not know why handing them out symbolises the birth of Jesus."
Press release from Somerfield, the supermarket chain

5: "Madeleine parents in the clear. New shock on DNA evidence"
Daily Express, 9 October

"Madeleine DNA evidence puts parents in the frame"

Daily Express, 10 October

6: "Profuse apologies for the full-page map we published last week as part of our British surveys supplement which appeared to put Dundee somewhere near Potters Bar, and Llandudno in five separate locations."
The Observer

7: "Riordan can score without a right or left foot."
Archie Macpherson, STV Scotsport

8: "Freehold shop and flats: Rare opportunity to acquire retail penises with superb flat located above"
Advertisement, North Devon Journal

9: "Cemetery could be a death trap"
Sleaford Target

10: "At least 551 government websites are to be cut to make access to information easier for citizens and businesses."
Press release, Cabinet Office

11: "Diouf is a master of the dark art of being a winger. He draws you in."
Graham Hunter, Sky Sports News

12: "A woman of 72 was questioned on suspicion of possessing cocaine when police found small white tablets in her purse, only to learn that they were artificial sweeteners for her tea."
Nottingham Metro

13: "Scotland are staring down the barrel of a wooden spoon."
Will Greenwood, Radio Five Live

14: "Grampian maternity services will continue to be woman-centred."
Grampian NHS Trust, blueprint for future services

15: "Climate Change: Britain under threat. Not in Scotland."
TV listing, Daily Express

16: "Farrell is made of steel and has a broken nose to prove it."
Sonia McLoughlin, BBC 1

17: "You do not see this sort of thing very often in Glasgow airport."
Peter Sissons on BBC news as live pictures of a burning Cherokee helicopter and suicide bombers appeared on the programme

18: "If the ball wasn't where it was, he could not have played that shot."
Willie Thorne, snooker commentator, BBC

19: "Give me risk-free savings"
Advert from Northern Rock in July two months before it suffered the first bank run since the 19th century

20: "Once you have thrown a javelin it is literally out of your hands."
Tessa Sanderson, Radio Five Live

21: "Towel catches fire"
Craven Herald & Pioneer

22: "Flaccid trunk paralysis in free-ranging elephants"

Headline on article by Everard Koch in the Journal of Wildlife Diseases

23: "House price boom over"
Daily Mail, front page, 31 May

"House prices still soaring"
Daily Express, front page, 31 May

24: "You've got to have eyes all over you in a game like this."

Graham Taylor, Radio Five Live

25: "Killer skunk floods London"
Billboard, London Evening Standard

26: "Newcastle youth ten pints bowling, Saturdays 10am, ages seven to 17."
Newcastle Chronicle Extra

27: "What a great goal with his so-called right foot."
Derek Johnstone, Radio Clyde

28: "Brown flies out to meet Merkel and will see Bush later."

The Guardian

29: "We felt we needed an umbrella organisation to help flood victims."
Mary Dhonau, Sky News

30: "Assembly calls on Mayor to make rubbish decision"
Press release, London Assembly

31: "This is a major event in world history."
Producer Avi Lerner on news that Al Pacino and Robert de Niro will work together, BBC Online

32: "Cambridge have won the boat race. Oxford were second."
Geoff Twentyman, BBC Radio Bristol

33: "Today is the day that Tony Blair steps literally into the history books."
Tom Bradby, ITN

34: "Man with false leg hit with toilet seat"

Watford Observer

35: "The umbilical safety cord of the transfer window has been shut."
Dominic Johnson, Virgin Radio

36: "Woman stranded when bus was late"
Western Morning News

37: "Tory MP Andrew Pelling was suspended from the party last night following his arrest on suspicion of assaulting his wife. A party spokesman said the whip had been withdrawn from the MP."
Daily Mail

38: "It's like he's got velvet gloves on his feet."
Iain Dowie, BBC 1

39: "Police think Maddie is dead"
Sunday Express 12 August

"Madeleine: She is alive"

Daily Express, 13 August

40: "Toilets male, female and disabled at the top of the stairs"

Notice at Cadbury World

41: "Due to unforeseen circumstances we are unable to publish a horoscope column today."
Newcastle Journal

42: "A Worcestershire restaurateur had refused to put a no-smoking sign in his brassiere."
Worcester News

43: "I'm looking at an empty cattle market. About a week ago, this would have been full of 20,000 sheep, but now there's not a sausage to be seen."
Natasha Peach, Radio Oxford

44: "Police called to pull up drunk's knickers"

Billboard, Weston and Somerset Mercury

45: "Husband back from the dead: picture"
Billboard, London Evening Standard

46: "Sniffing glue can't be more than playing cricket"
Somerset Standard

47: "A win is a win, except of course when it's not a win. Then it's not a win."

Venus Williams, BBC 1

48: "Kidnappers release former 'Citizen' reporter"
Gloucester Citizen, following the release of the BBC's Alan Johnston

49: "I do some DIY. At present, I'm hand-painting Chinese wallpaper in our principal guest room."
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, The Observer

50: "Pervert, 27, male, Gosport. Seeks female for unspeakable beastliness possibly romance."
Personal ad, Private Eye