Revealed! The perfect face for presenting the news on television

Yes, Channel 5 have recruited the veteran Kate Adie to raise the profile of their news bulletins. But if she really wants to get on she needs Kirsty's hair, Dermot's eyes and a new birth certificate. By Charlie Courtald

The disclosure last week that Kate Adie is to defect from the BBC to Channel 5 is a surprise. Not because this former Armed Forces favourite has decided to quit the Corporation: that writing has been on the wall for ages, ever since she was sidelined into presenting From Our Own Correspondent on Radio 4. No, the surprise is that she has found a berth at Channel 5, the station that is most associated with jazzy sets, groovy music and youth-oriented news.

Now Ms Adie is apparently set to join the station with other "oldies" such as Sue MacGregor and Martin Bell. Chris Shaw, the head of news, is also thought to be keen to land grizzled reporters like the BBC's Brian Hanrahan and Charles Wheeler, and ITN's Mike Nicholson and Michael Brunson. "It's not about ratings," suggests Mr Shaw. "Some of the older doyens have great confidence and the courage of their convictions."

Ambitious youngsters should fear not – these wrinkly faces are expected to pop up only as reporters, not usurp the funkadelic Kirsty Young as news anchor. Their experience may be welcome for the 45 seconds of a filmed item, but they won't get to perch on the studio table too often. Herein lies the increasing disparity in modern news-gathering: between the onscreen viewer-friendliness of the anchor and the down-the-line expertise of the reporter.

The skills required are different. To anchor a news broadcast these days you need to be attractive, unflappable and able to take instructions down the earpiece while performing two-way interviews with reporters. The man or woman out on the street, meanwhile, must be expert in finding out what's going on before honing all their expertise and knowledge into a concise package, presented against the nicest looking backdrop they can find. And they must keep back one juicy factoid for the live, two-way presentation that follows. This is all very well if they are reporting on subjects they happen to be experts in. It isn't so easy for the general reporter expected to gen up on Melton Mowbray pork pies one day and the Northern Ireland peace process the next.

Which brings us to the in-betweenie: the Fergus, if you will. Fergus Walsh was once the BBC's health specialist but now covers anything, straddling the territory between anchor and reporter, using a big screen in the studio to educate viewers about what they have just heard in the reports. Unlike the table-bound anchor, he has legs and gets to use them.

All this palaver may help the viewer understand any given bulletin, but it is bad news for the next generation of producers, who will try to bone up on a topic by ordering the film package from the archives, but find that they have only the report itself – not the two-way discussion or the big-screen explanation – and that therefore much of the story's meat is absent. Thus dumbing-down feeds on itself.

All of this might suggest that anchors are dumb-asses. Some are not; it's just that you don't need a first from Balliol to follow talkback down the earpiece. Nor do reporters need to be hideously ugly in order to make the anchor look better: what about that Helen of Troy lookalike Jennie Scott, who gives us the latest statistics from the stock exchange? It does help to look more like John Sergeant, however, if you don't want to be trapped behind the big desk. Jennie will be studio-bound soon, mark my words.

Like any soap opera, the news occasionally has to kill off some much-loved character in order to keep up viewers' interest. As it was for Grace Archer of The Archers and Bobby Ewing of Dallas, so did it have to be for Leonard Parkin and Martyn Lewis – and hello to Kirsty Young and Krishnan Guru-Murthy. Changing the faces is also supposed to reflect the shifting make-up of the nation, but the mirror is distorted to make us feel younger, more glamorous, and arguably more inclusive than we really are.

So what does it take to get on the news? A plastic surgeon would be a good idea.

Hair of Kirsty Young

The appearance of youth is important. Even if you aren't actually from that all-important 16 to 24 age group, you should at least look as though you might get invited round to a young persons' party.

Eyes of Dermot Murnaghan

You've must be master of the autocue, looking sincere and sexy while talking to someone down the line. They can't see you; they're just staring blankly at a camera. The sincerity must come from you.

Lips of Michael Buerk

"That's about it. Join us again after the stories from your region." You must be the viewers' mate, someone they'd invite into their home. Gravitas, familiarity when required, and a chummy smile to go with the last item.

Dress sense of Trevor McDonald

Keep it smart. Shiny, but casual, if the news running order allows. Brightish ties are fine unless someone important has died. Remember Peter Sissons and shudder.

Voice of Huw Edwards

This is network news, so a regional accent is a bonus. Posh, slightly impatient, public school tones were what we wanted in the Fifties. But now it's the Celts.

The reporter

Hair of Orla Guerin

That just-missed-a-sniper's-bullet hairdo may be a fashion no-no for the studio, but it is de rigueur for reporters. Foreign ones, anyway. Not quite right if you're standing outside Buck House.

Eyes of Mark Tully

Know your subject, but don't be a prima donna about it. Unless you were in New York on 11 September your chosen topic won't make the airwaves. So live with it.

Lips of Andrew Marr

With so little airtime, you'll have to think fast. Your report will be followed by questions, so get your finely honed feeder lines back to base – and have snappy answers ready. End on a joke.

Dress sense of Rosie Millard

The chemistry between reporter and anchor is crucial. Make 'em laugh, make 'em cry. Just get yourself noticed. Or else you'll be heading the way of Kate Adie: oblivion via Channel 5.

Voice of Richard Bilton

Richard "Burning Cows" Bilton and Robert "Floods" Hall are the everymen of news. From helicopter views of non-riots in Oxford Street to the cancer ward at Bradford Hospital you can trust them to deliver a watchable 1 min 30 secs.

All change for broadcasting's old guard

Jennie Bond, BBC royal correspondent

It's difficult being one of three BBC journalists in their fifties. There is an onus on trying to keep reasonably thin. You feel that blokes can get a little chubby, develop a lot of lines, wear glasses and allow their hair to go grey."

Kate Adie, BBC war correspondent

"Television is changing. Commercialism and profit have come in. There is more light entertainment and fewer challenging programmes. There is a belief that if you have programmes of interest to older viewers, you must create areas away from mainstream TV."

John Sergeant, ITN political editor

"The effect of the BBC's review of its political coverage has not been good. Correspondents have got more nervous. They gesticulate all the time while talking, the poor devils, because they are so worried that the next wave of change will see them swept aside."

Andrew Marr, BBC political editor

"The review of political programmes at the BBC is in the context of declining interest in politics among under-45s. Reviews lead to changes. This means a diversity of voices. But we must not lose good broadcasting, or have a watering-down of what is tough and serious."

Jon Snow, Channel 4 news presenter

"People talk about dumbing down but it isn't about that. It's about underestimating the intelligence of the people watching. News decision-making is founded on anecdotal evidence of what consumers want.