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TV & Radio

Million Pound Properties, Channel 4, TV review

There was nothing dazzling about Million Pound Properties, alas. Or new-feeling. It was a two-parter commissioned off the back of a documentary earlier in the year looking at what a seven-figure budget will get you. I could have told you the answer without sitting through this: a castle in the Cairngorms for the same price as a barely habitable slum in Soho. To make this well-trodden narrative good telly you need characters. Granted, there were some gems from estate agents – “If you have a dog, or possibly a cat, it’s not a bad place for them to do their business,” one said as he gamely tried to pass off a glorified pet toilet as “coveted outside space.” – but the best ones needed more airtime. Likewise, some of the buyers had promise.

Where would a crime drama be without a violently brutalised woman?

A troubled detective running (literally) from the past; moody shots of gloomy city landscapes contrasted with the wild, foaming freedom of a remote island location; a plot centring on women who have been tortured and killed. The opening minutes of BBC One’s new crime drama, From Darkness, were so familiar that it was hard not to yawn in seen-it-all-before despair.