Heart Searching: Love failed to bloom at garden centre
Saturday 15 May 1993
After that I tried local ads. I had one date with a guy who was pleased to have met me since that had made him realise he wanted to go back to what he described as his 'Fatal Attraction' relationship - thanks, mate] Then I met a man who said how much he had enjoyed the sight, when a schoolboy visiting Madame Tussaud's, of the woman with a hook through her stomach (he had relationship problems with his mother and adoptive mother). He also liked women with boobs bigger than mine]
My most recent ad reads: 'Tough man wanted by intelligent impecunious unshaven large woman for conversation, cuddles and classics. Slimmist sexist wimps not wanted.' Not the ingredients for a large mailbag] All I want is a mutually beneficial relationship, but it seems like an impossible dream.
- 1 Isis 'jihadi bride' claims forced sex with Yazidi girls is never rape because Koran condones it
- 2 Woman accidentally shoots herself in the head while posing for a selfie
- 3 Art Garfunkel calls Paul Simon a 'monster' with a Napoleon complex
- 4 Isis burns woman alive for refusing to engage in 'extreme' sex act, UN says
Isis 'jihadi bride' claims forced sex with Yazidi girls is never rape because Koran condones it
Woman accidentally shoots herself in the head while posing for a selfie
Isis burns woman alive for refusing to engage in 'extreme' sex act, UN says
Puerto Rico, island of lost dreams: People are leaving the debt-hit territory in droves as near neighbour Cuba's star rises
16-year-old girl beaten and burned alive by lynch mob in Rio Bravo, Guatemala
As a white man, I'm surprised more women aren't tweeting the hashtag #KillAllWhiteMen
Scotland may have to leave the EU even if it votes to stay in, David Cameron confirms
The day that Britain resigned as a global power
Almost a third of school pupils believe 'Muslims are taking over our country', study claims
SNP fury as HS2 finds 'no business case' for taking fast train service to Scotland
Gay marriage 'Bert and Ernie' cake bakery found guilty of discrimination in Northern Ireland
£40-50K: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced Software / C# Developer w...
£35 - 40k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Software Developer (JavaS...
£18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: As a Trainee Recruitment Consu...