Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney's 'satisfyingly public' wedding harshly critiqued by Your Barrister Boyfriend creator

It’s the review the newly-married couple definitely weren’t waiting for

Click to follow

Not everyone was enamoured by Amal Alamuddin and George Clooney’s Venetian wedding last weekend.

In fact, the couple’s four-day-long celebrations have been somewhat savagely branded "wildly expensive, carefully choreographed, predictably sentimental and satisfyingly public" by Natalia Naish, Your Barrister Boyfriend co-creator – the website that gave Alamuddin the 'illustrious' title of Hottest Barrister in London.

Before you bemoan the description for its apparent sexism, don’t worry - the website is written in a "tongue-in-cheek" fashion, so its contents must obviously be taken as a joke.

For all those who thought Alamuddin and Clooney’s festivities were an inoffensive show of glamour and rather enjoyed looking at pictures of the couple boarding a Venetian boat probably not coincidentally called Amore, you’re all deluded and not seeing the bigger picture, according to Naish.

Apparently, it was a "flashy and self-aggrandising wedding" which compromised Clooney's famous dislike of the tabloids. The couple sold pictures of their wedding to Hello! and People, with proceeds reportedly going to charitable causes.

But Naish continued to compare the nuptials to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s wedding earlier this year.

"Even though George and Amal careened around Venice in speedboats, posed up a storm for the paparazzi like modern-day royalty and sold their wedding photos to glossy magazines, they received none of the tut-tutting that was directed at Kim Kardashian," Naish wrote in Legal Cheek. "Why? Because Kim Kardashian is perceived as vacant and shameless while George is supposedly a sophisticated humanitarian."

She then went onto question Clooney’s intellect, arguing that Alamuddin "can fill in the gaps in his knowledge (does he speak any languages other than English?) and engage in some very highbrow pillow talk with him."

Clooney’s reputation, she claims, is founded upon the fact that he "is good at playing twinkly silver foxes in action films, that he holidays in Lake Como and that he supports various charitable causes".

"This alone has enabled him to shed his reputation as a hot college dropout from the Midwest and assume a more dignified and statesmanlike mantel," she continued.

But it’s not just Clooney who has received criticism - Alamuddin has been busy strutting "her stuff in surprisingly short couture dresses" apparently, suggesting that female barristers give up their right to wear anything above the knee when they pass the Bar.

And just in case her point was not quite clear enough she finishes by saying Clooney - a former UN messenger of peace - is "more style than substance".

"Until he has proven himself as a towering intellect, let us see him for what he is: someone who has benefited from the arbitrary rewards of Hollywood and chosen to splash out on a very flashy and self-aggrandising wedding," Naish concludes. "Please spare us all the do-gooding talk."