Diary: As older women like it

To the Chelsea Theatre, for the opening night of As I Like It, an autobiographical play by the socialite and poet (no, really), Amanda Eliasch. The racy 75-minute monologue takes in everything from childhood sexual abuse to adult infidelity. "After the age of 38," Eliasch complained, "there aren't any sexy roles for women in plays, and nowadays women can be sexy until they're 80!" Was she playing to the gallery? Her audience contained, among others, the sexy older women Nancy Dell'Olio (49), Vivienne Westwood (70), and newly blonde Tracey Emin (48). "I enjoyed the play," Emin told me. "But it was seven minutes too long."

* Glenn Mulcaire, best known to the public as one of the private investigators hired by the News of the World to engage in ethically dubious activities on its behalf, once harboured dreams of footballing stardom. As a semi-professional player, he was the scorer of plucky AFC Wimbledon's first ever goal, against Bromley in 2002. The YouTube footage exists, and the goal is a genuine screamer: a left-footed volley from outside the area. This week, the former jailbird issued a request through his lawyers, asking hacks and paps to leave the area surrounding his family home, where they were lying in wait to accost the man at the heart of the phone-hacking storm. I do hope he takes some comfort in finally being able to experience the life of a Premier League star.

* Hugh Grant, this column can now semi-exclusively reveal, has a new "other half": the dissolute former News of the World journalist and publican Paul McMullan, who has been linked to the just-about-retired actor by newspapers, magazines and a number of television and radio broadcast outlets. Their relationship was cemented after a lengthy drinking session and intimate conversation at the Dover establishment owned by Mr McMullan – an encounter that was later splashed across the pages of the celebrity publication the New Statesman. The pair are now, I have been led to believe, virtually inseparable. Where one of them appears, arguing a point about the phone-hacking scandal, the other will surely follow. Might I propose Messrs Grant and McMullan formalise their union, and begin a tour of the country's provincial town halls, where they can continue to present their opposing views while titillating the audience with their love-hate relationship, until the matter is well and truly dealt with by a public inquiry – which may, of course, take some years. It's a show I'd pay to see again and again.

* More news from the contest to become the Lib Dem nominee for London mayor, which has been compared (by me, now) to the three-legged race at a primary school sports day. Announcing his candidacy, the late entrant Brian Paddick boasted "my news and current affairs appearances outweigh my light entertainment appearances by at least 100:1." His rival, Lembit Opik, now tells me he'll be damaging a ratio already endangered by the likes of Celebrity Come Dine With Me and Bargain Hunt Famous Finds when he takes part in a new reality show for the Welsh channel S4C, alongside such high-profile names as Ross from Goldie Lookin Chain. Still, Paddick shouldn't brag. The remaining candidates, the former councillor Brain Haley and ex-accountant Mike Tuffrey, have approximately zero light entertainment appearances between them: an unassailable record.

* Meanwhile in the Midlands, the former parliamentary candidate and Lib Dem council leader Roger Harmer tells the Birmingham Mail that he was "shocked" to be offered "sexual services" after visiting a Thai massage parlour in the hope of alleviating chronic back pain. Mr Harmer quickly made his excuses and left, he says. It is this column's civic duty, therefore, to warn anyone in search of a massage, and nothing more, to avoid the establishment in question, which is called Fruity Spa, and is (says its website, with which clients must register before their visit) "run by women with men in mind".

highstreetken@independent.co.uk

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Recruitment Genius: Office Manager

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: Have you been doing a brilliant job in an admi...

Recruitment Genius: Interim Head of HR

£50000 - £60000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Are you an innovative, senior H...

Recruitment Genius: Human Resources and Payroll Administrator

£20000 - £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Our client, a very well respect...

Recruitment Genius: HR Consultant

£25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An HR Consultant is required to join thi...

Day In a Page

Homeless Veterans campaign: Donations hit record-breaking £1m target after £300,000 gift from Lloyds Bank

Homeless Veterans campaign

Donations hit record-breaking £1m target after huge gift from Lloyds Bank
Flight MH370 a year on: Lost without a trace – but the search goes on

Lost without a trace

But, a year on, the search continues for Flight MH370
Germany's spymasters left red-faced after thieves break into brand new secret service HQ and steal taps

Germany's spy HQ springs a leak

Thieves break into new €1.5bn complex... to steal taps
International Women's Day 2015: Celebrating the whirlwind wit of Simone de Beauvoir

Whirlwind wit of Simone de Beauvoir

Simone de Beauvoir's seminal feminist polemic, 'The Second Sex', has been published in short-form for International Women's Day
Mark Zuckerberg’s hiring policy might suit him – but it wouldn’t work for me

Mark Zuckerberg’s hiring policy might suit him – but it wouldn’t work for me

Why would I want to employ someone I’d be happy to have as my boss, asks Simon Kelner
Confessions of a planespotter: With three Britons under arrest in the UAE, the perils have never been more apparent

Confessions of a planespotter

With three Britons under arrest in the UAE, the perils have never been more apparent. Sam Masters explains the appeal
Russia's gulag museum 'makes no mention' of Stalin's atrocities

Russia's gulag museum

Ministry of Culture-run site 'makes no mention' of Stalin's atrocities
The big fresh food con: Alarming truth behind the chocolate muffin that won't decay

The big fresh food con

Joanna Blythman reveals the alarming truth behind the chocolate muffin that won't decay
Virginia Ironside was my landlady: What is it like to live with an agony aunt on call 24/7?

Virginia Ironside was my landlady

Tim Willis reveals what it's like to live with an agony aunt on call 24/7
Paris Fashion Week 2015: The wit and wisdom of Manish Arora's exercise in high camp

Paris Fashion Week 2015

The wit and wisdom of Manish Arora's exercise in high camp
8 best workout DVDs

8 best workout DVDs

If your 'New Year new you' regime hasn’t lasted beyond February, why not try working out from home?
Paul Scholes column: I don't believe Jonny Evans was spitting at Papiss Cissé. It was a reflex. But what the Newcastle striker did next was horrible

Paul Scholes column

I don't believe Evans was spitting at Cissé. It was a reflex. But what the Newcastle striker did next was horrible
Miguel Layun interview: From the Azteca to Vicarage Road with a million followers

From the Azteca to Vicarage Road with a million followers

Miguel Layun is a star in Mexico where he was criticised for leaving to join Watford. But he says he sees the bigger picture
Frank Warren column: Amir Khan ready to meet winner of Floyd Mayweather v Manny Pacquiao

Khan ready to meet winner of Mayweather v Pacquiao

The Bolton fighter is unlikely to take on Kell Brook with two superstar opponents on the horizon, says Frank Warren
War with Isis: Iraq's government fights to win back Tikrit from militants - but then what?

Baghdad fights to win back Tikrit from Isis – but then what?

Patrick Cockburn reports from Kirkuk on a conflict which sectarianism has made intractable