Product placement will be a concept familiar to viewers of the US version of The X Factor, in which the judging panel are frequently obscured by vast flasks of Pepsi. But UK viewers should get used to the idea, too. Marks & Spencer is, or so says the relevant press release, "delighted" to be the "exclusive fashion partner" for The X Factor this year. An agreement with Syco, FremantleMedia and ITV means "M&S's key styles and trends for autumn/winter 2011 will be showcased to The X Factor viewers". This ought to come as a particularly pleasant surprise to singing hairdresser Marcus Collins, who this weekend told the judges that he was taking part in the talent contest in order to afford "a better life for my mum and my family... I would like to be able to walk into Marks & Spencers [sic] and not have to walk past it, do you know what I mean?" They sure did. After his stirring rendition of Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours", Kelly Rowland told Collins: "Baby, you're going to Marks & Spencers [sic], Harvey Nichols, Paris – you have it all!" What a lucky coincidence!
* The late Roald Dahl's representatives appear to regret their request of £500,000 to restore his writing shed. Given that one can order a fully kitted out 15ft x 10ft "garden office" for about £25,000, half a million quid does seem a little steep. But the surviving trinkets with which Dahl surrounded himself are, arguably at least, priceless. In his not-entirely-flattering 2010 biography of the author, Donald Sturrock described a trip to view the hut's "cabinet of curiosities": "The head of one of [Dahl's] femurs (sawn off during a hip-replacement operation 20 years earlier); a glass vial filled with pink alcohol, in which some stringy glutinous bits of his spine were floating; a piece of rock that had been split in half to reveal a cluster of purple crystals nestling within; a tiny model aeroplane; some fragments of Babylonian pottery, and a metal ball made, so he assured me, from the wrappers of hundreds of chocolate bars. Finally he pointed out a gleaming, steel prosthesis. It had been temporarily fitted into his pelvis during unsuccessful surgery to replace a hip. He was now using it as an improvised handle for a drawer on one of his dilapidated filing cabinets."
* What with all the other things they have to occupy their attention, one can forgive News International for having failed to notice a new website, News of the World Online (
www.newsoftheworldonline.eu) and its strangely familiar masthead. "Hot News Read More!" reads a bold logo on the website's front page. Unlike that which filled its now-defunct namesake, however, the aforementioned "Hot News" appears to be a selection of scurrilous and/or dubiously sourced conspiracy theories about crime, terrorism and the the private lives of dead or retired politicians. One especially barmy tale, for instance, implausibly links former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to the 1974 disappearance of Lord Lucan. The chairman and CEO of News of the World Online, it turns out, is one Giovanni di Stefano, whom readers may know better as part of Saddam Hussein's legal defence team, a business associate of the Serbian alleged war criminal Arkan, the attempted owner of Norwich FC and a convicted fraudster. If Messrs Murdoch and Murdoch read this, I suppose there's a chance he may have to put those legal skills to use again.
* More unfortunate news for George (né Gideon) Osborne. Not only does he stand to lose his Tatton seat if constituency lines are redrawn, but he has also earned the disapproval of a high-profile colleague: Nadine Dorries MP, who on her ("30 per cent truthful") blog describes poor Gideon as "a tacky chancellor". "The Conservative backbenches are full of incredibly smart and able young men who would make an excellent job of being Chancellor," she writes. "They may also bring some much-needed class and statesmanship to the role. I just hope no one else was watching and the shame of having such an immature and tacky Chancellor, is all ours." I should mention that Ms Dorries made the above comments following Gideon's now-infamous appearance at the GQ Men of the Year awards. So Lord knows what she makes of all that "cocaine and hookers" nonsense.
* Finally, the High Street Ken award for "Best Tweet In Response To News That 'They' Are Remaking Point Break" goes to @DanielBettridge, with: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *shoots imaginary gun at the air*"
highstreetken@independent.co.uk
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