Diary: May's xxx-rated problem

This week the internet's new .xxx domain, an "online red light district" to be reserved for content of an adult nature, began registering websites ahead of its launch in December. Celebrities and politicians, from Jolie to Thatcher, have had their names blocked, to prevent porn companies establishing embarrassing URLs such as, say, GideonOsborne.xxx. This, however, could cause a problem for one particular high-ranking cabinet member: Home Secretary Theresa May. As this newspaper's respectable readership will no doubt be unaware, Ms May has a near-namesake, Teresa (sic) May, a glamour model who has appeared not only in the tabloids, but also in such men's magazines as Hustler, Men Only and Razzle. Her screen work includes On Location Portugal (2000), to which internet porn critic Sleazegrinder gives a middling review: "Five fat girls with big tits go to sunny Portugal and frolic on the beach for an hour. You get 'em pouring orange juice on themselves, oiling up, rubbing lotion into their tits, sunning themselves by the pool, and shopping... If you are into watching five fat girls do almost nothing, then this is for you."

* Now that the three major parties have picked their candidates for the London mayoral election, it's left to the tiddlers to name their representatives for 2012. And yesterday the BNP contender threw his hat into the ring. "So much for xenophobic!" read the party's cleverly counter-intuitive announcement. "British National party chooses Italian for London Mayor." The Italian in question is BNP press officer Carlos Cortiglia, who, just to compound his cosmopolitan credentials, is Uruguayan by birth.

* As promised, this column today brings you the abridged version of Katie Price's "special secret recipe for my famous Sunday roast", as featured in her new Katie Price-based magazine, Katie, on sale now for £3.99. Preheat the oven to 200 degrees, she says, "wash a leg of lamb to get the blood and stuff off then stick it in a roasting tin [and] make loads of holes in the lamb with a sharp knife." "Stick" garlic slivers in the holes; "slosh" red wine over the lamb, "squirt" runny honey all over the meat, and "sprinkle" chopped rosemary on top. Cover with foil, cook for 40 minutes; remove foil, cook for a further 40 minutes. All in all, a fine, budget-friendly roast – although rather let down, I'm afraid, by Ms Price's advice on the accoutrements: "Yorkshire puddings: Buy Aunt Bessie's – they take five minutes to heat up... Cauliflower cheese: I buy it ready-made but stick it in a dish then put it in the oven to warm through."

* Arsenal fans unhappy with their club's reluctance to splash any cash will be glad to know that their season ticket fees have been put to some good use. Following a disappointing start to the season, the club has won a famous victory – the Spanish Patent and Trademark Office is ordering Seville-based milliner Alicia Simon to change the name of her small independent hat-shop, Arsenale. Arsenal FC claimed its trademark had been infringed and took the case to court. Ms Simon says she knows nothing about football, and is planning to appeal the decision at a Madrid tribunal. She should try Barcelona instead; Arsenal never win there.

* So Wednesday evening's Downing Street fundraising quiz on behalf of Larry the Number 10 cat proved a resounding success, raising sufficient cash to keep him in Whiskas for a year, plus an extra £300 for his former abode, Battersea Cats Home. One team won a special prize for correctly guessing the increased weight of the portly animal (a weight gain not, I fear, achieved by eating any pesky rodents.)

Meanwhile, London's oldest fancy dress retailer, Angels of Shaftesbury Avenue, has offered to donate a portion of any profits from the hire of its cat costumes to Larry's upkeep, should the ineffectual rat-catcher remain in his post by this time next year. A matching costume, based on Larry's girlfriend Maisy, is said to be in the works.

highstreetken@independent.co.uk

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Compensation and Benefits Manager - Brentwood - Circa £60,000

£60000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Compensation and Benefits Manager - Compensat...

Finance Manager - Recruitment Business (Media & Entertainment)

£28000 - £35000 per annum + negotiable: Sauce Recruitment: We have an exciting...

HR Advisor - North London / North West London

£30000 - £35000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Advisor - North London...

Finance Manager - Recruitment Business (Media & Entertainment)

£28000 - £32000 per annum + negotiable: Sauce Recruitment: We have an exciting...

Day In a Page

Wilko Johnson, now the bad news: musician splits with manager after police investigate assault claims

Wilko Johnson, now the bad news

Former Dr Feelgood splits with manager after police investigate assault claims
Mark Udall: The Democrat Senator with a fight on his hands ahead of the US midterm elections

Mark Udall: The Democrat Senator with a fight on his hands

The Senator for Colorado is for gay rights, for abortion rights – and in the Republicans’ sights as they threaten to take control of the Senate next month
New discoveries show more contact between far-flung prehistoric humans than had been thought

New discoveries show more contact between far-flung prehistoric humans than had been thought

Evidence found of contact between Easter Islanders and South America
Cerys Matthews reveals how her uncle taped 150 interviews for a biography of Dylan Thomas

Cerys Matthews on Dylan Thomas

The singer reveals how her uncle taped 150 interviews for a biography of the famous Welsh poet
DIY is not fun and we've finally realised this as a nation

Homebase closures: 'DIY is not fun'

Homebase has announced the closure of one in four of its stores. Nick Harding, who never did know his awl from his elbow, is glad to see the back of DIY
The Battle of the Five Armies: Air New Zealand releases new Hobbit-inspired in-flight video

Air New Zealand's wizard in-flight video

The airline has released a new Hobbit-inspired clip dubbed "The most epic safety video ever made"
Pumpkin spice is the flavour of the month - but can you stomach the sweetness?

Pumpkin spice is the flavour of the month

The combination of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg (and no actual pumpkin), now flavours everything from lattes to cream cheese in the US
11 best sonic skincare brushes

11 best sonic skincare brushes

Forget the flannel - take skincare to the next level by using your favourite cleanser with a sonic facial brush
Paul Scholes column: I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo

Paul Scholes column

I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Jones and Rojo
Frank Warren: Boxing has its problems but in all my time I've never seen a crooked fight

Frank Warren: Boxing has its problems but in all my time I've never seen a crooked fight

While other sports are stalked by corruption, we are an easy target for the critics
Jamie Roberts exclusive interview: 'I'm a man of my word – I'll stay in Paris'

Jamie Roberts: 'I'm a man of my word – I'll stay in Paris'

Wales centre says he’s not coming home but is looking to establish himself at Racing Métro
How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

A crime that reveals London's dark heart

How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

Lost in translation: Western monikers

Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
Handy hacks that make life easier: New book reveals how to rid your inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone

Handy hacks that make life easier

New book reveals how to rid your email inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone with a loo-roll
KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

KidZania: It's a small world

The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker