We’ve been desperately trying to un-see the image that accosted our eyes when we glanced at our Twitter feeds at 09.30 this morning.
The graphic photograph, allegedly tweeted from cricketer Ian Botham’s account by a hacker, promptly informed our breakfast decision (had been full English, swiftly downgraded to Bircher) and induced a deep, stomach-churning wave of nausea that, even six hours down the line, no amount of kitten pictures seems able to cure.
It was, we can confirm, definitely not safe for work. Or anywhere. Ever. And the exact origins of said picture remain unknown – probably for the best on behalf of the copyright owner.
Cue endless streams of tweets from worried former sportsmen, cricket-based innuendo, and fluffy animals that just happen to resemble phalluses.
Here are some of the best, starting with a gentle ribbing from one-time footballer with museum-quality hair, and retired cricketer Michael Vaughn...
@RobbieSavage8 yes mate just changed my password !!! There's some idiots out there !!Ian Botham (@BeefyBotham) August 18, 2014
Hacker has got me as well ...... http://t.co/fx8v4WnxwKMichael Vaughan (@MichaelVaughan) August 18, 2014
Then there were the retching tweets of sheer, unimaginable horror...
I really hope that @BeefyBotham has been hacked......I need to wash my eyes out.Remo (@Remo26599) August 18, 2014
Take it from me. That Ian Botham picture is not safe for a packed train journey. Not safe at all.Owen Jones (@OwenJones84) August 18, 2014
Can we stop saying Botham was hacked, please? One, it's hard to tell from that angle. And two, the word is circumcised.Gary Bainbridge (@Gary_Bainbridge) August 18, 2014
Then those noting that Botham could well be what is commonly referred to as a "repeat offender"...
Hardly the most embarrassing dick Ian Botham has appeared in a picture with: pic.twitter.com/cByDdvFtWwIan Hyland (@HylandIan) August 18, 2014
Ian Botham accidentally tweets highly embarrassing photo pic.twitter.com/0UooIDuzv6Tim Stanley (@timothy_stanley) August 18, 2014
The opportune marketing tweets...
And of course, that really, really unfair picture of someone's dog with its legs stuck underneath a sofa. REALLY unfair:
To take your minds off that Ian Botham tweet, here is a picture of a cute dog. :-) pic.twitter.com/pQrjCCxHXDJune W (@rejunevated) August 18, 2014
Not that Botham seems to be that bothered, mind you. It's the most action his Twitter feed has seen in ages:
I would like to thank the hacker....I've just got 500 hits in 20mins !!Ian Botham (@BeefyBotham) August 18, 2014
Make that 700 in 25 mins !!!Ian Botham (@BeefyBotham) August 18, 2014