Having watched arch rival Family Guy clean up at the recent Emmy nominations, Simpsons fans now have further reason to despair with the announcement that Coldplay (right) are to guest star in an episode from the upcoming 21st series, screening this autumn.

So, Sacha Baron Cohen has received a death threat from a Palestinian militia group who haven't taken kindly to their portrayal in Brüno. At least he can rest assured that he's in good company.

Are they paragons of drive, wanting only the best for their families, anxious that their offspring should have a head-start in the 100-yard sprint of life? Or are they monsters of social mountaineering, ruining their children's lives by hurling them into the spotlight? Pushy parents are much in the news right now – but are they heroes or villains?

In the highly unlikely event that you are an ant and you are reading this, then good luck – you're going to need it. For we are approaching Flying Ant Day – the few hours a year in which the six-legged arthropods emerge from the shelter of their colonies to reproduce in the land of giants.

You reach the pinnacle of your sport, entering the pantheon of greats. As you ascend the steps to pick up the ultimate prize, the weight of a lifetime's sacrifice and suffering is on your shoulders. Your legion of supporters are primed to erupt as you prepare to thrust the trophy into the air, and – oh, it's a pepper grinder.

It would take a brave man to bet against Lance Armstrong achieving his stated ambition of becoming governor of Texas in around five years' time. You might even be tempted to have a punt on the seven-times Tour de France champion tackling the big one some time after that.

Beth Ditto is known for her idiosyncratic rock yodel, her sexual preferences and, of course, her habit of taking her clothes off on-stage. She isn't one to hide her lights under a bushel, nor is she one to hide her bushel under the stage lights. Fans and critics alike have been treated to the most intimate details of her (under)garments, and now high street shoppers will be too.

I ear you have a heatwave. You have my sympathy, you really do. I understand that yesterday, the temperature was due to reach 3C. On Sunday afternoon here in Delhi, the heat index – which tells you how hot it feels when the humidity and heat are combined – was 5C. The minimum temperature, reached at around 5am, was about 3C. Yes, I have real sympathy.

If you were shocked by this week's pictures of Katie Price cavorting in Ibiza while her newly-estranged husband Peter Andre was left looking after their children, you ain't seen nothing yet. American reality television show Jon & Kate Plus 8 goes one better: take a couple, struggling to bring up a set of twins and sextuplets, throw alleged infidelity into the mix and a high profile separation, and you've got enough schadenfreude to fill gossip magazines for months.

It’d be difficult to get a coherent description of the sensation from, say, the bull, eight dogs, and a Welsh sheep (nicknamed Sparky) who, according to Freedom of Information Act statistics, are among those who have been Tasered by police since the introduction of the 50,000-volt stun-guns in 2004. But human victims have been more forthcoming. One, David Sylvester, a grandfather who owns his own security business, last year told the Independent’s Johann Hari how he suffered indescribable pain when Tasered in the head by police in London.

Another Taser target said it was “like someone reached into my body to rip my muscles apart with a fork.” And a third London man, attacked by muggers using a stun-gun – which can generate an electric shock as great as the police Tasers – says: “I felt like I’d been stabbed in the back with a knitting needle. My knees went from under me. It was really frightening. It left burn marks on my skin, even through my clothes.”

Civil liberties campaigners have called for a ban on use of the weapons, but 6,000 more Tasers are due to be issued to UK police. The London Met are the most trigger-happy force, and have used Tasers 254 times (of 1,181 nationwide).

Unlike one Gwent officer – who checked to see if his weapon was working, only to shoot a barb into his own finger – the Met have managed to avoid Tasering themselves. Tim Walker

Peter Sissons took a swipe at young, pretty newsreaders last week, suggesting they lacked "front-line reporting experience." Mary Nightingale, co-presenter of ITV Evening News, retaliated yesterday, "It's a bit of a tired old chestnut that if a woman is pretty than she can't be bright." Is it? Are female newsreaders now less bright (or prettier) than when Sissons was a pink-faced ITN hack?

That Hugh Hefner, eh? Age cannot wither him, nor custom stale his infinite variety – or the infinite non-variety of his girlfriends.

Andy Murray in love with the English? You're having a laff, mate, aintcha?

The Annual House of Lords vs House of Commons Tug of War, sponsored by Macmillan Cancer support, has been part of the English season for 22 years but this time the humorous potential was huge. In the College Garden of Westminster Abbey on Tuesday night, wits speculated about how many of the Commons team would later claim for the rope. Well-heeled charitable type wondered if the Commons Fees Office would allow expense claims for sweat bandanas and accidental hernias.

The Audley pub in London's Mount Street is a curious place for a divine manifestation. With its pink terracotta frontage it resembles a poor man's Harrods. An ancient metallic freize boasts of 'Cask conditioned ales', and a pavement-level placard promises 'The best hand-battered Fish and Chips in W1'. Inside, the carpets are faded, the air smells of cottage pie and plastic tropical flowers surmount the bar. And it's just become London's coolest pub.