Hit & Run: Take the Tiger test

It's hard keeping up with Tiger Woods' collection of alleged girlfriends. Not just because they keep popping up like fluffy rats in a fairground sideshow; nor because they're as likely to deny, as to admit, any involvement with the great sportsman – leading to suspicions they've been silenced by money. It's hard keeping up because they're so interchangeable. Mr Woods diligently favours the Las Vegas Babe look: white-skinned, breasty, leggy, bottle-blonde, perma-smiling, not seemingly overburdened with intelligence.

The ladies pursue the same occupation (cocktail waitress/party hostess/ model/whatever) they have stripper Christian names – Jamie, Jaimee, Cori, Mindy, Holly – and suspiciously symbolic surnames: Grubbs, Moquin, Jungers, Rist, like characters in a modern Dickens novel. They all met Tiger in nightclubs, bars and hotels where they were sized up by his minders, then propositioned. Most claim to have had long affairs with Woods since 2005 (when he married Elin Nordegren). So was he seeing them simultaneously? But how could he tell the difference? Here's a quiz to remind you what makes Tiger's babes individually special.

Which Tiger Babe, according to her supportive ex-boyfriend, tried to secure a photo-shoot in Playboy magazine, but was told "her breasts were too small"? (Answer: Jaimee Grubbs)

Which Babe is the talented co-star of the films Lingerie or Bust, Diary of a Horny Housewife and My First Sex Teacher 18? [We're not sure if she starred in the 17 previous My First Sex Teacher movies. It's a popular franchise.] (Holly Sampson)

Whose underwear was especially admired by Tiger Woods, albeit for an unusual reason? (Cori's: "My red panties with black lace. He had a thing about red and wore it on Fridays as it was his mother's favourite colour.")

Which Babe revealed that she and Tiger regularly took an insomnia pill called Ambien, to heighten sexual ecstacy? (Rachel Uchitel. Another babe revealed his alleged fondness for Vicodin – it was, prosaically, to assuage pain in his knee.)

Which Babe worked for trashygirls.com, an LA-based website which supplies scantily-clad girls for VIP parties? (Jamie Jungers)

Which Babe, says RadarOnline.com, has already allegedly made "between $1,210,000 and $3,210,000" out of preserving a discreet silence? (Rachel Uchitel)

Which Babe, in a rare departure from the cheesecake professions, works as a marketing manager for a bank? (although, cards on the table, it's actually The Bank nightclub) and is a glossy brunette among a sea of fake blondes? (Kalika Moquin)

Which Babe once auditioned for an American reality TV show, explaining on her interview tape: "Boys, right now, they're more like toys to me"? (Jaimee Grubbs)

Which Babe held down a job not a 300-yard drive from the Woods family home? (Mindy Lawton, 34-year-old waitress at Perkins, a café in Windermere, Orlando. Tiger and his wife used to drop in for breakfast. Mindy visited the family home when Woods' wife was abroad.)

John Walsh

Just the thing for the Bond villain in your life

So now we know why the all those RBS bankers quit their jobs rather than face a Christmas without bonuses – so they could buy one of these: the 58x38-metre Wally Hermès Yacht, complete with 20 crew members, a warm pool, a helipad, and a jogging track "inspired by coastal paths". Yes, it's the first sure sign that either a) we're almost out of that pesky recession; or b) really, really incredibly rich people just don't give a foc'sle what we think of their spending habits.

The triangular-hulled WHY yacht – why, indeed? – was designed by Monaco-based yacht-makers Wally in collaboration with the luxury goods brand Hermès, and would make an ideal purchase for any aspiring Bond villain. Despite the undoubtedly dastardly price tag, the boat is friendly to the environment; it's powered in part by 900 square metres of solar panel.

"We didn't design a boat, we gave shape to an idea", says Gabriele Pezzini, design director of Hermès. (To be fair, Gabriele, you did also design a boat.) The yacht's stern seems to invite choppy seas to overwhelm it, yet the manufacturers insist it has been tested in large swells at a tank facility in Sweden. Not that the Bransons, Berezovskys or Brins that will be its target market are ever likely to find out if it's ocean-worthy. The WHY could supposedly manage four Atlantic crossings, but I can't imagine it ever leaving the Riviera.

Tim Walker

Music to eat food by

Compilation albums are the last refuge of those buying presents for friends they don't like much, or for family members whose taste they're unsure of. This, at least, explains the weighty mass of CDs such as The Best Sixties Album in the World...Ever, Pop Princess 2009 and Top Gear Seriously Rock & Roll. But what about 101 Dinner Party Songs? This compilation, currently being advertised on TV, is aimed at people buying for themselves, although if they can't decide what tunes to play at supper, it seems unlikely they'll be able to seize the day and actually buy this album. Maybe their mates should club together to get them a few CDs...

Rebecca Armstrong

PROMOTED VIDEO
News
ebooksAn evocation of the conflict through the eyes of those who lived through it
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

HR Analyst - Banking - Bristol - £350-£400

£350 - £400 per day: Orgtel: HR Analyst - Banking - Bristol - £350 - £400 per ...

HR Manager - HR Generalist / Sole in HR

£30000 - £35000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Manager - HR Generalis...

Business Analyst - Banking - London - £350-£400

£350 - £400 per day: Orgtel: Business Analyst - Banking - People Change - Lond...

HR Manager - Milton Keynes - £50,000 + package

£48000 - £50000 per annum + car allowance + benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Shared...

Day In a Page

All this talk of an ‘apocalyptic’ threat is simply childish

Robert Fisk: All this talk of an ‘apocalyptic’ threat is simply childish

Chuck Hagel and Martin Dempsey were pure Hollywood. They only needed Tom Cruise
Mafia Dons: is the Camorra in control of the Granite City?

Mafia Dons: is the Camorra in control of the Granite City?

So claims an EU report which points to the Italian Mob’s alleged grip on everything from public works to property
Emmys look set to overhaul the Oscars as Hollywood’s prize draw

Emmys look set to overhaul the Oscars as Hollywood’s prize draw

Once the poor relation, the awards show now has the top stars and boasts the best drama
French connection: After 1,300 years, there’s a bridge to Mont Saint-Michel

French connection: After 1,300 years, there’s a bridge to Mont Saint-Michel

The ugly causeway is being dismantled, an elegant connection erected in its place. So everyone’s happy, right?
Radio 1 to hire 'YouTube-famous' vloggers to broadcast online

Radio 1’s new top ten

The ‘vloggers’ signed up to find twentysomething audience
David Abraham: Big ideas for the small screen

David Abraham: Big ideas for the small screen

A blistering attack on US influence on British television has lifted the savvy head of Channel 4 out of the shadows
Air strikes? Talk of God? Obama is following the jihadists’ script

Air strikes? Talk of God? Obama is following the jihadists’ script

The President came the nearest he has come yet to rivalling George W Bush’s gormless reaction to 9/11 , says Robert Fisk
Ebola outbreak: Billy Graham’s son declares righteous war on the virus

Billy Graham’s son declares righteous war on Ebola

A Christian charity’s efforts to save missionaries trapped in Africa by the crisis have been justifiably praised. But doubts remain about its evangelical motives
Jeremy Clarkson 'does not see a problem' with his racist language on Top Gear, says BBC

Not even Jeremy Clarkson is bigger than the BBC, says TV boss

Corporation’s head of television confirms ‘Top Gear’ host was warned about racist language
Nick Clegg the movie: Channel 4 to air Coalition drama showing Lib Dem leader's rise

Nick Clegg the movie

Channel 4 to air Coalition drama showing Lib Dem leader's rise
Philip Larkin: Misogynist, racist, miserable? Or caring, playful man who lived for others?

Philip Larkin: What will survive of him?

Larkin's reputation has taken a knocking. But a new book by James Booth argues that the poet was affectionate, witty, entertaining and kind, as hitherto unseen letters, sketches and 'selfies' reveal
Madame Tussauds has shown off its Beyoncé waxwork in Regent's Park - but why is the tourist attraction still pulling in the crowds?

Waxing lyrical

Madame Tussauds has shown off its Beyoncé waxwork in Regent's Park - but why is the tourist attraction still pulling in the crowds?
Texas forensic astronomer finally pinpoints the exact birth of impressionism

Revealed (to the minute)

The precise time when impressionism was born
From slow-roasted to sugar-cured: how to make the most of the British tomato season

Make the most of British tomatoes

The British crop is at its tastiest and most abundant. Sudi Pigott shares her favourite recipes
10 best men's skincare products

Face it: 10 best men's skincare products

Oscar Quine cleanses, tones and moisturises to find skin-savers blokes will be proud to display on the bathroom shelf