Hit & Run: Take the Tiger test

It's hard keeping up with Tiger Woods' collection of alleged girlfriends. Not just because they keep popping up like fluffy rats in a fairground sideshow; nor because they're as likely to deny, as to admit, any involvement with the great sportsman – leading to suspicions they've been silenced by money. It's hard keeping up because they're so interchangeable. Mr Woods diligently favours the Las Vegas Babe look: white-skinned, breasty, leggy, bottle-blonde, perma-smiling, not seemingly overburdened with intelligence.

The ladies pursue the same occupation (cocktail waitress/party hostess/ model/whatever) they have stripper Christian names – Jamie, Jaimee, Cori, Mindy, Holly – and suspiciously symbolic surnames: Grubbs, Moquin, Jungers, Rist, like characters in a modern Dickens novel. They all met Tiger in nightclubs, bars and hotels where they were sized up by his minders, then propositioned. Most claim to have had long affairs with Woods since 2005 (when he married Elin Nordegren). So was he seeing them simultaneously? But how could he tell the difference? Here's a quiz to remind you what makes Tiger's babes individually special.

Which Tiger Babe, according to her supportive ex-boyfriend, tried to secure a photo-shoot in Playboy magazine, but was told "her breasts were too small"? (Answer: Jaimee Grubbs)

Which Babe is the talented co-star of the films Lingerie or Bust, Diary of a Horny Housewife and My First Sex Teacher 18? [We're not sure if she starred in the 17 previous My First Sex Teacher movies. It's a popular franchise.] (Holly Sampson)

Whose underwear was especially admired by Tiger Woods, albeit for an unusual reason? (Cori's: "My red panties with black lace. He had a thing about red and wore it on Fridays as it was his mother's favourite colour.")

Which Babe revealed that she and Tiger regularly took an insomnia pill called Ambien, to heighten sexual ecstacy? (Rachel Uchitel. Another babe revealed his alleged fondness for Vicodin – it was, prosaically, to assuage pain in his knee.)

Which Babe worked for trashygirls.com, an LA-based website which supplies scantily-clad girls for VIP parties? (Jamie Jungers)

Which Babe, says RadarOnline.com, has already allegedly made "between $1,210,000 and $3,210,000" out of preserving a discreet silence? (Rachel Uchitel)

Which Babe, in a rare departure from the cheesecake professions, works as a marketing manager for a bank? (although, cards on the table, it's actually The Bank nightclub) and is a glossy brunette among a sea of fake blondes? (Kalika Moquin)

Which Babe once auditioned for an American reality TV show, explaining on her interview tape: "Boys, right now, they're more like toys to me"? (Jaimee Grubbs)

Which Babe held down a job not a 300-yard drive from the Woods family home? (Mindy Lawton, 34-year-old waitress at Perkins, a café in Windermere, Orlando. Tiger and his wife used to drop in for breakfast. Mindy visited the family home when Woods' wife was abroad.)

John Walsh

Just the thing for the Bond villain in your life

So now we know why the all those RBS bankers quit their jobs rather than face a Christmas without bonuses – so they could buy one of these: the 58x38-metre Wally Hermès Yacht, complete with 20 crew members, a warm pool, a helipad, and a jogging track "inspired by coastal paths". Yes, it's the first sure sign that either a) we're almost out of that pesky recession; or b) really, really incredibly rich people just don't give a foc'sle what we think of their spending habits.

The triangular-hulled WHY yacht – why, indeed? – was designed by Monaco-based yacht-makers Wally in collaboration with the luxury goods brand Hermès, and would make an ideal purchase for any aspiring Bond villain. Despite the undoubtedly dastardly price tag, the boat is friendly to the environment; it's powered in part by 900 square metres of solar panel.

"We didn't design a boat, we gave shape to an idea", says Gabriele Pezzini, design director of Hermès. (To be fair, Gabriele, you did also design a boat.) The yacht's stern seems to invite choppy seas to overwhelm it, yet the manufacturers insist it has been tested in large swells at a tank facility in Sweden. Not that the Bransons, Berezovskys or Brins that will be its target market are ever likely to find out if it's ocean-worthy. The WHY could supposedly manage four Atlantic crossings, but I can't imagine it ever leaving the Riviera.

Tim Walker

Music to eat food by

Compilation albums are the last refuge of those buying presents for friends they don't like much, or for family members whose taste they're unsure of. This, at least, explains the weighty mass of CDs such as The Best Sixties Album in the World...Ever, Pop Princess 2009 and Top Gear Seriously Rock & Roll. But what about 101 Dinner Party Songs? This compilation, currently being advertised on TV, is aimed at people buying for themselves, although if they can't decide what tunes to play at supper, it seems unlikely they'll be able to seize the day and actually buy this album. Maybe their mates should club together to get them a few CDs...

Rebecca Armstrong

PROMOTED VIDEO
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

HR Manager - Kent - £45,000

£40000 - £45000 per annum: Ashdown Group: HR Manager / Training Manager (L&D /...

HR Manager - Edgware, London - £45,000

£40000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Manager - Edgware, Lon...

HR Manager - London - £40,000 + bonus

£32000 - £40000 per annum + bonus: Ashdown Group: HR Manager (Generalist) -Old...

Talent Manager / HR Manager - central London - £50,000

£45000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Talent / Learning & Development Mana...

Day In a Page

Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam