Fresh twists in Tiger's tale mean Woods is not out of the woods yet

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The Independent Online

Is it just me? Or is Tiger Woods only an average-looking guy? He's not unattractive, but neither is he likely to cause a riot in a shopping mall.

Still, throw a few billion dollars into the mix and suddenly Tiger Woods is a bit of a catch. Or is he?

As the wardrobe doors finally burst off their hinges and the preening mistresses come tumbling out, I can only wonder how Tiger got away with it for so long.

I know he has a team of minions to support and advise him, but still and all ...

At the last count there were eight pretty girls claiming they'd spent a little leisure time with the superstar golfer. I'm beginning to understand why his wife Elin allegedly 'went ghetto' on him with a golf club that fateful night.

You know, when Tiger drove his car into a tree and a fire hydrant (a wood and an iron, geddit?) before falling asleep behind the wheel?

Now there's talk of certain sleeping tablets that are reported to have added benefits. Oh my God, it's all just so terribly embarrassing.

They say money can't buy you happiness. Well, Tiger Woods is surely the living proof of that.

He had more money than most of us could ever dream of and yet the man seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time asking girls out, meeting them in car parks, texting, and making sure his wife didn't find out.

Makes you wonder why he didn't just leave his wife and give himself up to philandering on a full-time basis. Oh yes, I forgot: the billion-dollar endorsements might have been withdrawn.

I also wonder why some women are so easily taken in. I mean, what's the point of getting involved with a married man? Even a very rich married man?

He gets a bit of fun out of sneaking around behind his wife's back. He gets something to brag about to his mates.

All the 'mistress' gets is a few stolen minutes somewhere, preferably in an actual bed. And then weeks and weeks of waiting for the next text message.

Talk about crumbs from the table. Any woman who thinks this is a worthwhile trade-off needs her head examined.

I don't know the first thing about golf, but I've recently read that Tiger spits on the green when he is playing. Oh, how very vile!

I've always taken spitting as a sign of a weak moral background. I mean, if a man doesn't mind leaving disgusting great blobs of mucus and saliva on the pavement for other people to walk home into their nice carpets, would they really care about their wife's feelings? Or indeed, would they even care a fig about their mistress or mistresses' future eligibility?

And as for the women involved, well, they're a sorry bunch, too, don't you think? Letting the sisterhood down - and for what? The thrill of having illicit meetings with an average-looking man in a baseball hat?

Or maybe they were slyly biding their time until the lid came off, when they knew they could make some serious money selling details of their trysts to the highest tabloid bidder?

Or is Tiger Woods simply an extraordinary lover? At least one of Tiger's women was in a committed relationship when she was seeing the golfer so there's another person who has been hurt in the fallout.

It's Tiger's children I feel sorry for. A father disgraced and in hiding; a mother no doubt in the depths of despair. What sort of Christmas will they have now?

Tiger Woods's public apology seems to have more to say about his right to privacy than any genuine shame he might be feeling right now. I can't help thinking the man is simply raging he got caught.

I know for a fact that some commentators (mostly male) will say that having a harmless wee quickie with some willing, busty babe isn't the worst crime a man could commit.

They'll say it's not like Tiger planted a bomb, is it?

Well, let's hope those same commentators remember how glib they were about Tiger if they ever find out their wife has been bonking the postman, the DHL man, some guy from Burger King, some guy from Homebase and a couple of the neighbours.

Come on, now, we'll say to them: calm down, calm down, it was only a kiss and a cuddle.