Jade Goody's widower Jack Tweed said today he contemplated suicide after being arrested on rape charges, for which he was later cleared.
The club promoter said the stigma of being branded a rapist made him feel so low that "I just wanted to end my life".
In an interview with Victoria Derbyshire for Radio 5 Live, Tweed conceded he had acted immaturely and has now vowed to grow up.
Tweed, 22, was cleared last week of raping a teenager at his home in Woodford Green, Essex, along with his friend Anthony Davis.
The 19-year-old woman said she had been "frozen with fear", while Tweed said the sex was consensual.
Tweed, who was cleared by a jury in 15 minutes, was on remand for several months ahead of the trial.
He said today: "When I first went into prison I just wanted to end my life really. I just thought it was pointless carrying on with everything.
"I don't want my name branded with something like this. The whole thing was just a horrible experience."
Tweed married former Big Brother contestant Goody last year just days before her death from cancer.
He said he thought of suicide on a number of occasions while he awaited the court case.
"For the first few months I did think about it a few times. My name's just branded with the word rape and obviously there's people out there who are gonna believe it.
"And I didn't want anyone thinking of me like that. It was just a horrible feeling."
He said he got through it with the support of his family, as well as his desire to see Goody's two sons again. The boys' father is TV presenter Jeff Brazier.
He said the incident which led to his arrest had begun as "just a normal night out which a 22-year-old boy has".
Tweed said he now planned to calm his life down: "Obviously I'm not going to turn into a monk and never go out ever again because I'm a young boy and all my mates are going out and I want to live my life, but I am going to slow down, yes. Keep my wits about me, drink a bit less, not go out as much."
He said he had prayed to Goody to help him through the case.
"I think she was looking over me because she knew I didn't do it. But if she was here it wouldn't have happened. Obviously she wouldn't be happy about it."
He said he went out drinking to be in the company of his friends when he felt at a low ebb following Goody's death.
"I don't want to start making excuses for how I behaved, but I tried to stay in a few times but I just used to think about Jade all the time and I'd start getting upset. So I'd ring my mates to take my mind off things and because of my age - they're all 21, 22 - they're not going to be sitting at home playing the PlayStation, they're going out to bars and clubs."
Tweed said he had not seen Goody's sons Bobby and Freddie since he left prison, but was trying to make contact with Brazier indirectly.
"I don't know if he wants to hear from me so I'm going to take it slowly and go round that way."
Tweed said he thought that if he kept out of trouble, Brazier would be happy for him to see the boys.
"I've made mistakes in my life and I regret them," he added. "Sometimes I do act like an idiot and I act immature and I have to grow up. And I will grow up.
"That's my plan, be a bit more sensible, grow up and get the boys back in my life."Reuse content