Kristen Stewart: Twilight star writes worst poem of all time for Marie Claire

The Twilight actress demonstrated her brooding best for readers of Marie Claire magazine

Kristen Stewart is doing anything she can to escape the brooding monotony of her one-dimensional performance as Bella in teen horror-romp Twilight.

She's had an affair. She's gotten a few tattoos. She's declared her love for Black Flag. She's even dressed up as a creepy girl version of Karl Lagerfeld - complete with Jacko glove - as the face of Chanel.

Scroll Down To Read Kristen's Poem In Full

But few expected what she was set to unveil next - least of all the fashion-forward, vampire-loving readers of Marie Claire.

''I like being able to hit on something, like, 'There it is,' she said of her work.

"I don't want to sound so f**king utterly pretentious but after I write something, I go, 'Holy f**k, that's crazy,''" she added, modestly.

 

''It's the same thing with acting: If I do a good scene, I'm always like, 'Whoa, that's really dope.'''

She also branded the spectacle “so embarrassing”, a sentiment we're inclined to agree with.

Behold... The worst poem of all time, which she recited out loud to the publication during her cover interview, and kindly allowed them to publish in full for their own general amusement:

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole, By Kristen Stewart

"I reared digital moonlight/

You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black/

Kismetly ... ubiquitously crest fallen/

Thrown down to strafe your foothills/

...I'll suck the bones pretty.

 

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps/

Spray painted everything known to man/

Stream rushed through and all out into/

Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck/

Through our windows boarded up/

He hit your flint face and it sparked.

 

And I bellowed and you parked/

We reached Marfa/

One honest day up on this freedom pole/

Devils not done digging/

He's speaking in tongues all along the pan handle/

And this pining erosion is getting dust in/

 

My eyes/

And I'm drunk on your morsels/

And so I look down the line/

Your every twitch hand drum salute/

Salutes mine."

 

You're welcome.

Of course, Stewart isn't the only star who's taken to writing really terrible poetry and thinking it might actually be good. Take a leaf through the gallery above and check out some of the more awful prose the rich and famous have penned in recent memory.

 

Read More: Kristen Stewart: 'I Can't Believe I Agreed To Star In A 1984 Remake'
Kristen Stewart Named New Face Of Chanel
See Kristen Star As Guantanamo Bay Prison Guard

Kristen Stewart says she's quite the homemaker

PROMOTED VIDEO
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Finance Manager - Recruitment Business (Media & Entertainment)

£28000 - £35000 per annum + negotiable: Sauce Recruitment: We have an exciting...

HR Advisor - North London / North West London

£30000 - £35000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Advisor - North London...

Finance Manager - Recruitment Business (Media & Entertainment)

£28000 - £32000 per annum + negotiable: Sauce Recruitment: We have an exciting...

HR Advisor - North London / North West London

£30000 - £35000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Advisor - North London...

Day In a Page

Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

A new American serial killer?

Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

Want to change the world? Just sign here

The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?
Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals

'You need me, I don’t need you'

Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals
How to Get Away with Murder: Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama

How to Get Away with Murder

Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama
A cup of tea is every worker's right

Hard to swallow

Three hospitals in Leicester have banned their staff from drinking tea and coffee in public areas. Christopher Hirst explains why he thinks that a cuppa is every worker's right
Which animals are nearly extinct?

Which animals are nearly extinct?

Conservationists in Kenya are in mourning after the death of a white northern rhino, which has left the species with a single male. These are the other species on the brink
12 best children's shoes

Perfect for leaf-kicking: 12 best children's shoes

Find footwear perfect to keep kids' feet protected this autumn
Anderlecht vs Arsenal: Gunners' ray of light Aaron Ramsey shines again

Arsenal’s ray of light ready to shine again

Aaron Ramsey’s injury record has prompted a club investigation. For now, the midfielder is just happy to be fit to face Anderlecht in the Champions League
Comment: David Moyes' show of sensitivity thrown back in his face by former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson

Moyes’ show of sensitivity thrown back in his face... by Ferguson

Manchester United legend tramples on successor who resisted criticising his inheritance
Two super-sized ships have cruised into British waters, but how big can these behemoths get?

Super-sized ships: How big can they get?

Two of the largest vessels in the world cruised into UK waters last week
British doctors on brink of 'cure' for paralysis with spinal cord treatment

British doctors on brink of cure for paralysis

Sufferers can now be offered the possibility of cure thanks to a revolutionary implant of regenerative cells
Ranked seventh in world’s best tourist cities - not London, or Edinburgh, but Salisbury

Lonely Planet’s Best in Travel 2015

UK city beats Vienna, Paris and New York to be ranked seventh in world’s best tourist destinations - but it's not London