Kristen Stewart: Twilight star writes worst poem of all time for Marie Claire
The Twilight actress demonstrated her brooding best for readers of Marie Claire magazine
Kristen Stewart is doing anything she can to escape the brooding monotony of her one-dimensional performance as Bella in teen horror-romp Twilight.
She's had an affair. She's gotten a few tattoos. She's declared her love for Black Flag. She's even dressed up as a creepy girl version of Karl Lagerfeld - complete with Jacko glove - as the face of Chanel.
Scroll Down To Read Kristen's Poem In Full
But few expected what she was set to unveil next - least of all the fashion-forward, vampire-loving readers of Marie Claire.
''I like being able to hit on something, like, 'There it is,' she said of her work.
"I don't want to sound so f**king utterly pretentious but after I write something, I go, 'Holy f**k, that's crazy,''" she added, modestly.
''It's the same thing with acting: If I do a good scene, I'm always like, 'Whoa, that's really dope.'''
She also branded the spectacle “so embarrassing”, a sentiment we're inclined to agree with.
Behold... The worst poem of all time, which she recited out loud to the publication during her cover interview, and kindly allowed them to publish in full for their own general amusement:
My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole, By Kristen Stewart
"I reared digital moonlight/
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black/
Kismetly ... ubiquitously crest fallen/
Thrown down to strafe your foothills/
...I'll suck the bones pretty.
Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps/
Spray painted everything known to man/
Stream rushed through and all out into/
Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck/
Through our windows boarded up/
He hit your flint face and it sparked.
And I bellowed and you parked/
We reached Marfa/
One honest day up on this freedom pole/
Devils not done digging/
He's speaking in tongues all along the pan handle/
And this pining erosion is getting dust in/
And I'm drunk on your morsels/
And so I look down the line/
Your every twitch hand drum salute/
Of course, Stewart isn't the only star who's taken to writing really terrible poetry and thinking it might actually be good. Take a leaf through the gallery above and check out some of the more awful prose the rich and famous have penned in recent memory.
Read More: Kristen
Stewart: 'I Can't Believe I Agreed To Star In A 1984 Remake'
Stewart Named New Face Of Chanel
Kristen Star As Guantanamo Bay Prison Guard
Kristen Stewart says she's quite the homemaker
- 2 Rarest Beanie Baby of them all could be sold for £62,500 on eBay
- 3 Professional big game hunter Ian Gibson crushed to death by elephant during hunt
- 4 Farmer told to tear down mock-Tudor castle after hiding construction behind hay bales
Migrants crossing the Mediterranean: Pope Francis joins calls for EU action on boat refugees
Yemen crisis: Meet the child soldiers recruited by the Shia Houthi rebels who have forsaken books for Kalashnikovs
Alan Rickman admits editing 'terrible' script with friends in Pizza Hut behind backs of writers on Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Rarest Beanie Baby of them all could be sold for £62,500 on eBay
Isis in Afghanistan: Group claims responsibility for Jalalabad suicide bombing that killed 35
If I’m being racially abused I don’t need a stranger with a saviour complex to rescue me
The only black face in the Ukip manifesto is on the page about overseas aid
Ukip is the only main political party to not address LGBT rights in its manifesto
Food banks: One million Britons will soon be using them, according to Trussell Trust
BBC election debate: The one photo that summed up the whole 90-minute leaders debate
Religion isn't growing, it is becoming vigorous in its demise, says philosopher AC Grayling
£18000 - £20000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Assistant (Events busi...
Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This privately-owned company designs and manuf...
£22000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An opportunity has arisen at th...
£36000 - £40000 per annum + Bonus: Ashdown Group: HR Manager (Generalist) -Old...