Talk about awkward misunderstandings. A report came to Pandora that Duncan Bannatyne, the Scottish judge on Dragon's Den, had been heard saying that he had not yet been asked by BBC2 to sign on the dotted line for a new series of the popular entrepreneurial show, in which members of the public pitch their business ideas to a panel of tycoons.
A surprised Bannatyne furiously and lengthily insists that he has never had such a conversation on his future, or that of the show, for the plain and simple reason that it's too early for the show to be recommissioned. When I call about this, and other ill-sourced remarks, he blows fire up Pandora's behind and threatens to give a "six figure" sum to his solicitors to sue me unless I make this clear. Happy to do so. Squeak!
"Perhaps you don't realise the full force," he tells me. "I'm in litigation with the Telegraph, I'm in litigation with someone over a video on YouTube.
"I did not say any of that and I would not say any of that. This is a bunch of lies. I have never had a conversation with anyone about this."
On being signed for another series, he points out: "You never get asked to do the next programme until the current one is finished."
A spokesman for the BBC adds that Dragon's Den has not reached the recommissioning phase, so no decisions have been taken.
Phew! Feel the force! Lesson of the day: don't ever misquote Duncan.
Jacko's back to keep the wolf from the door
If his brother Jermaine is to be believed, Michael Jackson is to dust down his poodle perm and reunite with his siblings for a world tour next year. "Michael will be involved", Jermaine said earlier this week. "We feel we have to do it one more time. We owe that to the fans."
Michael, who is expected to release his own new album next year, has not publicly confirmed his involvement. The early gossip, however, is that the Jackson Five shows could kick off in Las Vegas which, if true, would be their first performance together since a one-off in 2001.
A tour would be sweet music to Jacko's accountants. Since he was acquitted of child molestation, he has reportedly been the subject of lawsuits about his finances.
Tweed bikinis at dawn
Things are certainly hotting up between asteroid-gazing Lembit Öpik and his missus, the Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia.
As a new year treat, the oddball Lib Dem MP will take his exotic paramour to the Mid-Wales Shooting Centre on 2 January for a day of lessons with a 20-bore shotgun.
The pair will be instructed how to blast clay pigeons by coaches from the British Association for Shooting and Conservation. Although Öpik claims to be a great champion of the countryside, it will apparently be the first time either of them has handled a firearm. Touch my gun!
Throughout their courtship, Öpik has been keen to verse Gabriela on the great outdoors. Last summer, the pair reportedly spent some time caravanning.
Muscle power
When you find yourself in times of trouble... bring in the muscle! The beleaguered deputy Labour Party leader Harriet Harman who is in the doo-doo for accepting 5,000 from property prince David Abrahams via his secretary spent yesterday being "minded" by her burly parliamentary private secretary.
Ta-dah! Step forward Mr Chris Bryant. And who better? The MP for Rhondda was himself hounded by Fleet Street's feral beasts after he posted a photo of himself in his pants a cracking pair of Y-fronts on a dating website in 2003.
Back in the summer when Harri was accepting cash for her leadership campaign, Pandora called about another (accurately declared) donation. Her aide tried to muffle the mobile phone but I heard Harman snapping in the background: "I don't think we should talk to them about it. You're my press person! I don't think you should be telling them this. Don't talk. Just say everything's going to be disclosed in the Register of Members' Interests."
And indeed it was.
Liberal helping of good cheer
Looking for a stocking filler for your better half? What else but the new Liberal Democrat cookbook. Containing recipes from the party's parliamentary luminaries, Serve A Liberal Helping is lovingly printed with a "wipe clean" cover because, after all, who knows what messy situations you might find yourself in when friends come round?
Chris Huhne proposes that you knock up his spaghetti bolognese (mmm, exciting), while his leadership rival Nick Clegg suggests Spanish gazpacho. Lucky readers can also enjoy Charlie Kennedy's personal recipe for a breakfast smoothie. Nothing like a lively drink to kick-start the day! Please feel free to suggest alternative Lib Dem recipes. The best will win a copy of the book and something tasty to drink with your mince pies.
Email pandora@independent.co.uk
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