It's 18th-century peasant life, but not as we know it

Hypocrisy is a classic political Molotov cocktail: you complain about binge-drinking... and then buy your own pub.

Rumours have been doing the rounds in Parliament that Huddersfield's creased veteran Labour MP Barry Sheerman, 67, will soon be pulling the pumps and washing glasses at The Blue Bell Inn in Helpston, near Peterborough.

Sheerman has in the past tabled parliamentary questions demanding to know what the Government was doing to reduce binge-drinking. "Gotcha!" hissed his political opponents.

Not quite. It turns out that Sheerman has enlisted the help of the actor Patrick Stewart to buy back the Helpston cottage which was owned by the "peasant poet" John Clare (1793-1864). They intend to restore it to its 18th-century condition and "needed" to buy the pub next door.

Sheerman explains: "The rumour's not exactly right. I'm not going to be behind the bar. I am chairman of the John Clare Trust. We have got Clare's old house and beautiful garden and are turning the place into a visitors' centre.

"The reason for buying the pub was because, obviously, Clare's cottage did not have car parking. We need parking spaces and the pub has got a large car park, that's all. We are keeping the same landlord. It is not going to be me."

Stewart will be found at the bar one day soon.

The trust has been awarded £1.27m from the Heritage Lottery Fund but must raise a further £1m to complete the project.

Halle holds her breath as home town burns

It was not the most comfortable of trips to Britain for Halle Berry to promote her new film, Things We Lost In The Fire.

Ms Berry had to fly to the London Film Festival while her Malibu neighbourhood burned in the wildfires of southern California.

"It's frightening," she said at the Leicester Square premiere. "I live in Malibu so I'm worried about my neighbours and my friends. It's a very old property.

"It's scary, it's Mother Nature and she's angry."

Ms Berry, who is four months pregnant, wore a clingy silk Versace maternity dress, which nearly got trampled when security let in hundreds of cinema-goers just as she arrived on the red carpet.

Spotted buried in the scrum, near the pick'*'mix counter, was the Liberal Democrat leadership contender Nick Clegg, with his wife Miriam. His office said he was on an "evening off" and not seeking celebrity endorsement.

No pics, says meaty Marvin

For a chap who aggressively styles himself as a "bat out of hell" (YEEAARRRGH!), the American troubador Meat Loaf seems a tad sensitive.

Mr Loaf, real name Marvin Aday, celebrated his 60th birthday last month and is booked to perform at Manchester's MEN Arena on 4 November.

In a stand-offish move, his management have barred photographers from snapping the well-upholstered goth during the show. "Meat doesn't want reviews, so he is not issuing any photo passes," says a publicist.

I do hope the Texan singer, who once weighed 22st, is not getting flustered about his looks again. In 1990, he was famously paid to promote Slim-Fast, whose Double Dutch Chocolate shake reportedly helped him to shed 84 pounds.

A bum note

An unfortunate setback for the acid-tongued music critic Norman Lebrecht, who makes Simon Cowell look as if he is comparatively restrained and lacking in self-esteem.

The prize-winning novelist's latest book, Maestros, Masterpieces And Madness: The Secret Life And Shameful Death Of The Classical Record Industry, has been pulped after a High Court hearing. Lebrecht's publisher, Penguin, has agreed to pay damages and costs to the classical record label founder, Klaus Heymann, whom he falsely accused of "serious business malpractices".

Good news, though, for Lebrecht's London Evening Standard colleagues. the Jewish Chronicle reports that a revised paperback edition will emerge in the spring. Batons at the ready!

Labour's Broadway bust-up

Three nights into the run of Blair On Broadway at Islington's Hen and Chickens pub, and one scene from the mocking musical gets the crowd going even more than the rapping Jeremy Paxman or freebie-juggling Cherie: a physical fist-fight between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.

"It is classic handbags, like the bit in Bridget Jones's Diary where Colin Firth and Hugh Grant fight in the snow," says my man in the stalls. There is also a "homo-erotic" moment between Blair and Alastair Campbell.

The play seems to be popular with parliamentary researchers who enjoy mocking their dark overlords. The Labour Staff Network has organised an official theatre outing next Thursday, as have the Liberal Democrats. A stealth delegation has also been dispatched – on the quiet – from Tory HQ.