Sad news now for those of us eagerly awaiting the arrival of Kirk McCambley on our magazine stands. It seems that Iris Robinson's well-built former lover may be rather more publicity shy than was first thought.
Indeed, he has proven quite a hit since his rise to notoriety following the BBC documentary which first suggested his relationship with the wife of Northern Ireland's First Minister could be something more than professional.
As well as attracting almost 6,000 members to the online Kirk McCambley Appreciation Society, the 21-year old entrepreneur was, over the weekend, invited to pose on the cover of Attitude, one of the UK's best-known gay magazines.
"We think our readers would go as wild for him as Iris obviously did," said the glossy's editor, Matthew Todd. "We'd love for him to get in touch."
Alas, after a week's worth of chasing, we hear that Attitude has still not convinced the young Mr McCambley to make his modelling debut.
"He hasn't returned any of our calls yet," explains Todd. "I imagine he's keen to keep his head down – but the door is open to him." Kirk, you know who to call.
McBride materialises at the BBC
What's this? Damian McBride at the BBC? It seems that Gordon Brown's ill-mannered former spinner – sacked last year for dreaming up a series of smears on the Tories – has found another way to occupy his newfound free time. McBride's long-term tormentor, blogger Guido Fawkes, has discovered him giving a talk to a selection of guests at the Corporation. He was one of a series of pundits – including Charles Clarke and Nick Robinson – sitting on a panel discussing the next election. "No one was paid", insists a Beeb spokesman.
Stryder gets his square pants on
Now here's a collaboration we hadn't envisioned: Tinchy Stryder and SpongeBob SquarePants.
The east London grime artist has, along with various other chart figures, agreed to design a statue of the yellow cartoon character for an exhibition at County Hall in London to raise money for ChildLine.
"He was really keen when we asked," says a spokesman for the project. "They all managed to get quite into it, I think, and have quite a lot of fun."
SquarePants has form with such endorsements; Liam Gallagher's street cred famously dipped after he posed with a life-size model of him on the red carpet.
Mandy in a spin over X Factor
Critical cultural shiftings within the inner circles of power: Peter Mandelson is no longer a fan of Strictly Come Dancing. "I was an ardent Strictly man," he confides to Esquire magazine. "But I've become a bit more of an X Factor man." The news is significant; but what does it mean? Mandy – a renowned smoothie on the dancefloor – was once tipped for a Strictly appearance. Will he show up on the X Factor stage instead? Either way, the praise will go down very nicely with the Government's continued buttering up of Simon Cowell.
Time to rock (another) fella
Side order of chips with that, Mr Z? An end has finally been reached in the bizarre case of Jay-Z's Roc-A-Fella records (aka Goliath) vs Terry Miller, Newcastle chef and former Hell's Kitchen winner (aka David). Miller has spent the past four years battling a claim that his erstwhile restaurant, the Rockafella (specialty: King prawn Rockafella) breaches the hip hop artist's trademark. Happily, the court thought otherwise. Says Miller, "The restaurant's gone, but I still hope to make my king prawn Rockafella." Tasty!