Pandora: Bozza saves up those scribbles for a rainy day

As a Member of Parliament, Boris Johnson's expenses claims ranked among the more mundane (78p for a postage stamp here, the odd Diet Coke there). Naturally, Pandora would never suggest the same of the London Mayor himself; indeed quite the opposite.

All the more reason, then, to regret his decision – as it has been described – to destroy all of his diaries several years ago, kept for the abandoned purpose of a personal memoir. But, it seems, all is not lost: Johnson tells us that, ever since arriving in City Hall, he has studiously begun taking notes again. What's more, he hopes one day to turn the reflections into a chronicle of his political career.

"I've got them in abundance, in abundance," he enthused to Pandora at the Courvoisier Masked Ball on Wednesday night. "I'd be very happy to give you an advanced insight into them if you are like – though they are pretty in code at the moment. If I live long enough, I'll be writing one – though not for a long time."

Of course, Pandora couldn't be more pleased. The only remaining question, is how will it compare to Stanley's?

Hello, Goodbye! Yoko silences Liam

Of the many tempting scenarios that have presented themselves, we can think of few meetings for which we would more like to be a fly on the wall than that between Yoko Ono and loudmouth Beatles fan Liam Gallagher. Or perhaps not? From the sound of things they were rather hard-pressed for things to talk about. "It was... interesting," Yoko tells us. "We didn't really chat much. Instead we were just looking out of the window of the apartment on to the park." Not like Liam to keep his voice down, is it?

How will Nadine's cookie crumble?

Given Nadine Dorries's apparent proclivity for McVitie's biscuits – the Tory MP has claimed for a good three figures worth, according to those expenses published by the House of Commons – she seems like the perfect candidate to front an advertising campaign on behalf of the brand. Pandora has yet to discover which in particular is Dorries's choice, though we rather imagine her as a milk chocolate HobNob sort of gal. Would HobNob HQ take her on? Tragically, they are refusing to comment. Killjoys.

Helena sticks up for Alexandra

Pandora couldn't think more highly of Alexandra Schulman, following the Vogue editor's decision to write to fashion houses, attacking their fixation on size-zero physiques.

The fashion industry, however, has been rather more backwards in coming forwards. Not so Helena Christiensen.

"It's about time somebody takes action," insists the supermodel-turned-snapper. "Obviously I am of the same belief. Aren't we in a business that is supposed to explore all kinds of shapes and silhouettes?

"The original supermodels all had shape and photography in the past was all about the organic, sensual shapes of bodies."

Follett airs her theatrical gripes

"There are elements of the theatre that make it less magical," opines Barbara Follett to The Stage. "I am tired of spending most of the interval in the loo queue...(and) very often the seats are so close together in older theatres. When you go to the Southbank Centre and Royal Festival Hall it's wonderful, because you don't have to sit with your knees up to your ears." Less charitable observers than Pandora might speculate as to the wisdom of the Culture minister's complaints. After all, isn't it her job to find a solution?