Midway through your breakfast? Then look away now. Ben Westwood, photographer and ardent protector of all things erotic, is planning a new campaign.
The eccentric son of the fashion designer Dame Vivienne stopped traffic this time last year by parading a "chain gang" of fetishist models (think leather bondage gear and plenty of whips) through central London to demonstrate against a ban on extreme pornography under the Criminal Justice Act. Now he hopes to pull off a similar stunt in protest at a perceived government threat to burlesque dancing.
Recently, several councils have considered reclassifying the stylised dance form alongside stripping and lap-dancing for licensing purposes. The matter, which has attracted discussion in the House of Lords, has caused dismay among the burlesque community.
Westwood hopes to galvanise support for his cause by organising a float of erotic Christmas carollers to serenade the Women's Minister, Harriet Harman, at her London home in December. "The date can't be specific," we're told. "It has to be a night that Westwood knows Harman will be at home."
Might be time for someone to book a winter holiday.
Clarkson gets his kit off for charity
Fashion zealots once blamed tumbling sales of denimwear on Jeremy Clarkson's fondness for an ill-fitting pair of 501s, while Trinny and Susannah have described him as having all the sartorial flair of a market stall trader.
Still, the Top Gear presenter hopes to attract sufficient interest in a pair of his old Levi's to raise "several thousand" pounds for charity at the upcoming Dallaglio Foundation auction in aid of Cancer Research UK. They are, we're told, a size 36-inch waist. Wallets at the ready!
Lott's not keen to sever apron strings yet
"Mum and Dad love my being at home," retorted Pixie Lott after Pandora suggested that, with two No 1 singles under her belt, it might, you know, be time to move out of the familial home. The wide-eyed popette still lives with her parents in the leafy Essex suburb of Brentwood.
"I travel so much at the moment it would be silly to move out," said the 18-year-old. "I get home to my messy bedroom and my little bed and I love it. Maybe I'll get a flat in East London with my friends next year. I've got so much going on at the moment."
MP earns his keep on a shoestring
Hats off to Andy Reed. The MP for Loughborough – who was nicknamed "the bargain-hunting MP" by constituents during the summer's expenses scandal for his ferocious pursuit of store discounts – has spent the past month living off a meagre £5 per day as part of the Evangelical Alliance's "Simplify" initiative.
"My biggest fear is the way I will be ridiculed by the media and others in light of the stories about MPs over the last year," says Reed. Why, we wouldn't dream of it. (Cough.)
Beauty tips for the Faithfull
Mick Jagger rarely touches the sauce and is famed for his hours-long gym sessions before performing. No such arduous pursuits for his one-time girlfriend Marianne Faithfull.
"I managed to stay thin for a long, long time but I am not now," the 62-year-old songstress tells us. "I have to dress up for my audience but I feel like actually we don't have to be that thin once you're over 50. I eat too much sugar and I don't like the idea of surgery. Non-invasive things like Botox would be fine but I haven't needed it yet."