Pandora: Cold turkey for Dave Groh after caffeine scare

Fans across the world mourned when chemical dependencies prematurely robbed us of such musical greats as Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Keith Moon, to name but a few.

Such problems even led to one Elvis Presley, no less, having to waddle up to meet his maker rather earlier than planned – (stay with me, I'm warming to a theme).

So news that the almost veteran rocker Dave Grohl also recently had a brief brush with the guitar-clad Grim Reaper was inevitably a cause for concern over at Pandora HQ.

Alas, having now finally been furnished with the necessary details, I feel duty-bound to express my disappointment. For it's emerged that the former Nirvana drummer, currently plying his trade with Them Crooked Vultures, was admitted to the emergency ward after a wild and seemingly foolhardy "coffee binge". Let's at least hear him out.

"We were in the studio making a record and I was drinking a lot of coffee," he slurred on Absolute Radio. "I had a newborn at home, I was sleeping two-three hours a night. And yeah, I had too much coffee, I started getting chest pains, so I went to hospital and they told me to stop drinking the coffee."

Sam's good news for red-faced Ed

Battle-hardened commentators have been quick to hail news of Samantha Cameron's pregnancy as a fresh boost to her husband's political fortunes. Someone who will be doubtlessly relieved to see her enjoying such a warm press is professional "Cameron insider" Ed Vaizey. You may recall that only days ago, the loose-tongued Shadow Culture Minister left Mrs C facing rather more problematic headlines after publicly suggesting she may have voted Labour in the past. Probably not quite forgotten yet, Ed.

Labour's Twitter queen gets tough

Fears are understandably growing that Labour's grandly-billed "Twitter Tsar" Kerry McCarthy is working too hard. The Bristol East MP, who hasn't been without her difficulties in the role, suggests Gordon Brown should adopt Billy Ocean's "When The Going Gets Tough" as his election song. "When the going gets tough, the toffs get going!" she squawks, presumably to drive home the point. Kerry, enough.

No wagons here

While others may be proving disappointing to the ailing cause of rock 'n' roll hedonism, Pandora is relieved to be able to kick one alarming rumour into touch. An elderly gentleman who appears to be what's left of Keith Richards reportedly insists that rumours he's on the wagon are "grossly exaggerated".

Funny threesome

Among the apparent highlights of this week's first birthday bash for the W Doha Hotel was the unlikely spectacle of Tracey Emin, Rob Brydon and Kevin Spacey bopping together on the dancefloor. "A very funny sight", I'm assured. And possibly one we may never be lucky enough to experience again.