Pandora: Gordon Brown gets the Ann Summers treatment
Friday 24 April 2009
In what must be one of the most amusing stunts ever to have crossed
Pandora's desk, Jacqueline Gold – the beguiling chief executive of the lingerie retailer Ann Summers – has purchased the Google- sponsored link for the term "Gordon Brown".
For those without square eyes, that means – try not to snigger too much – that every time one types the words "Gordon Brown" into the Google internet search bar, one would be met with a strategically worded plug for Ann Summers.
"We thought we would be there to offer a more pleasurable alternative," explained Gold of the move. "We have a range of products that mean you will never, ever have to worry about deflation."
Naturally, Pandora felt that such ingenuity warranted a call to the No 10 press office. Did they know that every time one searched for Gordon Brown, one ended up with underwear? Apparently, they didn't.
Curiously, the message vanished shortly afterwards, to be replaced by a decidedly less amusing note from the Conservative Party. Nothing to do with that call to the press office, of course.
Short short-circuits her Hamas link
At last! The inability of MPs to master the digital world appears, for once, to have done them a favour. The scene-stealing former cabinet minister, Clare Short, promised trouble earlier in the week when she organised a webcam question-and-answer session between representatives of the House of Commons and a senior Hamas leader, Hhaled Eshel, a resident of Syria.
Naturally, the news dismayed both the British and Israeli governments, both of which claim they "do not believe" in talking to the Palestinian group. However Pandora hears, the event, which was scheduled for Wednesday evening, had to be terminated prematurely after an unexplained technical glitch disrupted the internet connection between London and Hamas. Typical, eh?
If reports are to be believed, Hollywood's leading proponent of quackish advice, Gwyneth Paltrow, has a new cause. Last seen discussing cancerous shampoo, she has turned her attention to Mario Batali, offering the chef a free pass to trainer Tracey Anderson's gym. "Mario is the only fat friend she has," quoth one US rag. "She wants him to change."
Reid rottweiler is tipped for return
How delightful, in the wake of the Damian McBride fiasco, to see Downing Street making such a thorough effort to abandon the spin machines of old. Gordon Brown's journalistic confidante, Kevin McGuire, suggests in The New Statesman that the ever-charming Steve Bates is one candidate in the race to fill McBride's shoes, and that he is currently "knocking on the door of No 10". That would be the same Steve Bates who, as John Reid's personal attack dog, was accused of "smear campaigns" against, variously, John Prescott, Liam Byrne and the NatWest Three. All change, then!
Updates throughout the day at independent.co.uk/pandorablog
- 1 Students heading off to 'charity challenge' grounded at Gatwick after travel firm goes bust
- 2 Notting Hill Carnival: Woman shares selfie after being ‘punched in face for telling man to stop groping her’
- 3 Daily Show's Jon Stewart destroys Fox News for its Ferguson coverage
- 4 When elitism grips the top of British society to this extent, there is only one answer: abolish private schools
- 5 Like Jennifer Aniston, I am no less of a woman because I am childless
Ashya King missing: Police hunt five-year-old boy with brain tumour snatched from Southampton hospital by his parents
YouTube video posted by Isis militants shows 'execution of 250 Syrian soldiers'
Daily Show's Jon Stewart destroys Fox News for its Ferguson coverage
Californian drought is so severe it's 'causing the ground to move'
Botched ice bucket challenge leaves man critically injured after plane drops hundreds of gallons of water
Exclusive: We share blame for creating 'jihad generation', says Muslim strategist
Robin Williams Emmys tribute led by Billy Crystal criticised for including 'racist' joke about Muslim woman
The Rotherham child abuse scandal is a tale of apologists, misogyny and double standards
Scottish independence TV debate: Pumped-up Alex Salmond bounces back in bruising second round against Alistair Darling
Do you realise just how foolish the UK looks?
Ukip Douglas Carswell defection: Tory MP jumps ship to join Nigel Farage
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