Pandora: Gordon Brown gets the Ann Summers treatment
Friday 24 April 2009
In what must be one of the most amusing stunts ever to have crossed
Pandora's desk, Jacqueline Gold – the beguiling chief executive of the lingerie retailer Ann Summers – has purchased the Google- sponsored link for the term "Gordon Brown".
For those without square eyes, that means – try not to snigger too much – that every time one types the words "Gordon Brown" into the Google internet search bar, one would be met with a strategically worded plug for Ann Summers.
"We thought we would be there to offer a more pleasurable alternative," explained Gold of the move. "We have a range of products that mean you will never, ever have to worry about deflation."
Naturally, Pandora felt that such ingenuity warranted a call to the No 10 press office. Did they know that every time one searched for Gordon Brown, one ended up with underwear? Apparently, they didn't.
Curiously, the message vanished shortly afterwards, to be replaced by a decidedly less amusing note from the Conservative Party. Nothing to do with that call to the press office, of course.
Short short-circuits her Hamas link
At last! The inability of MPs to master the digital world appears, for once, to have done them a favour. The scene-stealing former cabinet minister, Clare Short, promised trouble earlier in the week when she organised a webcam question-and-answer session between representatives of the House of Commons and a senior Hamas leader, Hhaled Eshel, a resident of Syria.
Naturally, the news dismayed both the British and Israeli governments, both of which claim they "do not believe" in talking to the Palestinian group. However Pandora hears, the event, which was scheduled for Wednesday evening, had to be terminated prematurely after an unexplained technical glitch disrupted the internet connection between London and Hamas. Typical, eh?
If reports are to be believed, Hollywood's leading proponent of quackish advice, Gwyneth Paltrow, has a new cause. Last seen discussing cancerous shampoo, she has turned her attention to Mario Batali, offering the chef a free pass to trainer Tracey Anderson's gym. "Mario is the only fat friend she has," quoth one US rag. "She wants him to change."
Reid rottweiler is tipped for return
How delightful, in the wake of the Damian McBride fiasco, to see Downing Street making such a thorough effort to abandon the spin machines of old. Gordon Brown's journalistic confidante, Kevin McGuire, suggests in The New Statesman that the ever-charming Steve Bates is one candidate in the race to fill McBride's shoes, and that he is currently "knocking on the door of No 10". That would be the same Steve Bates who, as John Reid's personal attack dog, was accused of "smear campaigns" against, variously, John Prescott, Liam Byrne and the NatWest Three. All change, then!
Updates throughout the day at independent.co.uk/pandorablog
- 1 Scottish independence: Ireland since 1919 is a lesson for Scotland in what a Yes vote means
- 2 Thailand deaths: Pair's bloodied bodies found naked on Koh Tao beach
- 3 Lego breaks out of the toy box and heads for the gallery
- 4 Julian Assange and Edward Snowden join piracy mogul Kim Dotcom’s political campaign in New Zealand
Thailand deaths: Pair's bloodied bodies found naked on Koh Tao beach
Jihadi John': MI5 may have identified Isis militant who killed David Haines but options limited
Russia freezes Ukraine into submission: Kiev admits country doesn't have enough fuel for winter
Scottish independence: Police will be on high alert on Friday whatever the result
David Haines beheading: David Cameron says Britain will hunt down Isis 'monsters' shown in video murdering aid worker
Daniele Watts: Django Unchained actress detained by Los Angeles police after being mistaken for a prostitute
The political class is doing what Hitler couldn’t – destroying Britain
Scottish independence: Nationalist leader Jim Sillars threatens pro-union companies with 'day of reckoning' after independence
Scottish independence: Yes campaign feels the heat as Alex Salmond's NHS claims come under furious attack
£23m Birmingham cycle scheme is attacked by Tory councillor for not catering to the elderly
Salmond accused of laughing off national debt with ‘what are they going to do: invade?’ joke
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