Pandora: Gordon Brown gets the Ann Summers treatment

In what must be one of the most amusing stunts ever to have crossed
Pandora's desk, Jacqueline Gold – the beguiling chief executive of the lingerie retailer Ann Summers – has purchased the Google- sponsored link for the term "Gordon Brown".

For those without square eyes, that means – try not to snigger too much – that every time one types the words "Gordon Brown" into the Google internet search bar, one would be met with a strategically worded plug for Ann Summers.

"We thought we would be there to offer a more pleasurable alternative," explained Gold of the move. "We have a range of products that mean you will never, ever have to worry about deflation."

Naturally, Pandora felt that such ingenuity warranted a call to the No 10 press office. Did they know that every time one searched for Gordon Brown, one ended up with underwear? Apparently, they didn't.

Curiously, the message vanished shortly afterwards, to be replaced by a decidedly less amusing note from the Conservative Party. Nothing to do with that call to the press office, of course.

Short short-circuits her Hamas link

At last! The inability of MPs to master the digital world appears, for once, to have done them a favour. The scene-stealing former cabinet minister, Clare Short, promised trouble earlier in the week when she organised a webcam question-and-answer session between representatives of the House of Commons and a senior Hamas leader, Hhaled Eshel, a resident of Syria.

Naturally, the news dismayed both the British and Israeli governments, both of which claim they "do not believe" in talking to the Palestinian group. However Pandora hears, the event, which was scheduled for Wednesday evening, had to be terminated prematurely after an unexplained technical glitch disrupted the internet connection between London and Hamas. Typical, eh?

Paltrow's progress

If reports are to be believed, Hollywood's leading proponent of quackish advice, Gwyneth Paltrow, has a new cause. Last seen discussing cancerous shampoo, she has turned her attention to Mario Batali, offering the chef a free pass to trainer Tracey Anderson's gym. "Mario is the only fat friend she has," quoth one US rag. "She wants him to change."

Reid rottweiler is tipped for return

How delightful, in the wake of the Damian McBride fiasco, to see Downing Street making such a thorough effort to abandon the spin machines of old. Gordon Brown's journalistic confidante, Kevin McGuire, suggests in The New Statesman that the ever-charming Steve Bates is one candidate in the race to fill McBride's shoes, and that he is currently "knocking on the door of No 10". That would be the same Steve Bates who, as John Reid's personal attack dog, was accused of "smear campaigns" against, variously, John Prescott, Liam Byrne and the NatWest Three. All change, then!

pandora@independent.co.uk

Updates throughout the day at independent.co.uk/pandorablog

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Business Support - Banking - Halifax - £250 pd

£150 - £250 per day: Orgtel: HR Analyst - Banking - HR - Halifax - £150 - £250...

Geography Teacher

£24000 - £33600 per annum + pre 12 week AWR : Randstad Education Manchester Se...

Marketing Executive

£28000 - £32000 per annum: Charter Selection: A professional services company ...

Day In a Page

Screwing your way to the top? Good for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth

Screwing your way to the top?

Good for Lana Del Rey for helping kill that myth, says Grace Dent
Will the young Britons fighting in Syria be allowed to return home and resume their lives?

Will Britons fighting in Syria be able to resume their lives?

Tony Blair's Terrorism Act 2006 has made it an offence to take part in military action abroad with a "political, ideological, religious or racial motive"
Beyoncé poses as Rosie the Riveter, the wartime poster girl who became a feminist pin-up

Beyoncé poses as Rosie the Riveter

The wartime poster girl became the ultimate American symbol of female empowerment
The quest to find the perfect pair of earphones: Are custom, 3D printed earbuds the solution?

The quest to find the perfect pair of earphones

Earphones don't fit properly, offer mediocre audio quality and can even be painful. So the quest to design the perfect pair is music to Seth Stevenson's ears
US Army's shooting star: Lt-Col Steven Cole is the man Hollywood calls when it wants to borrow a tank or check a military uniform

Meet the US Army's shooting star

Lt-Col Steven Cole is the man Hollywood calls when it wants to borrow a tank or check a military uniform
Climate change threatens to make the antarctic fur seal extinct

Take a good look while you can

How climate change could wipe out this seal
Should emergency hospital weddings be made easier for the terminally ill?

Farewell, my lovely

Should emergency hospital weddings be made easier?
Man Booker Prize 2014 longlist: Crowdfunded novel nominated for first time

Crowdfunded novel nominated for Booker Prize

Paul Kingsnorth's 'The Wake' is in contention for the prestigious award
Vladimir Putin employs a full-time food taster to ensure his meals aren't poisoned

Vladimir Putin employs a full-time food taster

John Walsh salutes those brave souls who have, throughout history, put their knives on the line
Tour de France effect brings Hollywood blockbusters to Yorkshire

Tour de France effect brings Hollywood blockbusters to Yorkshire

A $25m thriller starring Sam Worthington to be made in God's Own Country
Will The Minerva Project - the first 'elite' American university to be launched in a century - change the face of higher learning?

Will The Minerva Project change the face of higher learning?

The university has no lecture halls, no debating societies, no sports teams and no fraternities. Instead, the 33 students who have made the cut at Minerva, will travel the world and change the face of higher learning
The 10 best pedicure products

Feet treat: 10 best pedicure products

Bags packed and all prepped for holidays, but feet in a state? Get them flip-flop-ready with our pick of the items for a DIY treatment
Commonwealth Games 2014: Great Scots! Planes and pipers welcome in Glasgow's Games

Commonwealth Games 2014

Great Scots! Planes and pipers welcome in Glasgow's Games
Jack Pitt-Brooke: Manchester City and Patrick Vieira make the right stand on racism

Jack Pitt-Brooke

Manchester City and Patrick Vieira make the right stand on racism
How Terry Newton tragedy made iron men seek help to tackle their psychological demons

How Newton tragedy made iron men seek help to tackle their psychological demons

Over a hundred rugby league players have contacted clinic to deal with mental challenges of game