Pandora: He did it on film. Now Noel's set for the stage

Stand by for an edgy new addition to London's theatreland. Noel Clarke, the award-winning writer/director behind the gritty London-based films Adulthood and Kidulthood, has penned his first play, which will be staged later this month.

Clarke, who is also known for featuring as Billie Piper's love interest in Doctor Who, will put on the play at Louder Than Words, a showcase for new work by young writers which will be held at London's Tristan Bates Theatre between 16 and 24 February.

The season is being organised by Rikki Beadle-Blair, the influential black screenwriter credited with discovering Clarke after casting him in his groundbreaking Channel 4 series Metrosexuality.

It marks quite a year already for Clarke, who was recently nominated for the Orange Rising Star Award at this year's Baftas.

Says Beadle-Blair: "I am passionate about theatre and what it can teach us and how it can inspire – but the thing I like more than anything is to be entertained. These plays are sheer, shameless, glorious entertainment. And I cannot wait."

A spanking new image

Lady Isabella Hervey is on the verge of a dramatic reinvention.

Hervey, who has recently received treatment for depression, has been approached by the photographer Ben Westwood to be his new "muse" for this year.

It would mean quite a departure for the squeaky-clean Hervey. Westwood, the son of Dame Vivienne, has a graphic portfolio which specialises in sadomasochistic imagery.

"Ben has asked her and she seems quite keen," I'm told.

Victor's squatter plans thwarted

Mayfair residents are breathing easy again after a group of squatters was recently ejected from a £22.5m house near Pall Mall.

Not everybody's happy, though. Victor Lewis-Smith, dreadlocked humorist and documentary-maker, had hoped to make a film on them with his recent collaborator Keith Allen.

A member of his production company, Associated-Rediffusion, apparently spent last week inside the house negotiating with the inhabitants before the bailiffs came knocking.

Tamara finds love at long distance

It's getting serious between Jimmy Choo founder Tamara Mellon and her beau Christian Slater, whose romance recently entered its second year.

Friends of the glitzy power couple recently told Pandora a proposal was on the horizon. Maybe so, but just don't expect Mellon, left, to up sticks to Hollywood any time soon.

"Christian is in LA at the moment, but I would never move there because I couldn't be away from the business," she told me at a party for Bobbi Brown make-up. "It's fine. We both travel a lot so it's OK, we manage to see each other quite a bit."

Might Christian be persuaded to move here?

"We'll have to see," she added pointedly.

Vaughan born to hoard

Michael Vaughan is keeping himself busy after being shunned for the current cricket tour of the West Indies.

The former England captain has been tasked by Norwich Union to help find Britain's quirkiest collector.

Vaughan, I'm told, is himself quite the hoarder. He owns an extensive collection of sports memorabilia, which includes a shirt that once belonged to Pele and bizarrely, the pair of boots Italian footballer Paolo Di Canio was wearing when he was sent off for shoving over referee Paul Alcock in 1998.

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