Pandora: Southern discomfort

it isn't easy being Gordon. Ramsay, that is.

The profanity-spitting chef, seemingly recovered from his stint on a stretcher at last month's London Marathon, has spent the past week in Cape Town for the Good Food and Wine Show. It started well. "His fans treated him like a rock star," say the event's organisers (we should hope so; they had paid £70 for a ticket.)

Things took a rather different turn, however, later on in the trip. An attempt to sample the South African city's nightlife ended abruptly when Gord was refused entry to one discerning establishment on account of his outfit. The venue, Hemisphere, has become the go-to joint for the holidaying rich and famous and its owner has since expressed his dismay (misplaced, some might say) at the snub; Ramsay, he has told the local papers, is welcome to return at any point "for the VIP treatment".

Incidentally, Ramsay's people declined to say what was so offensive about their boss's apparel. Stained apron?

A ringing endorsement

Should David Miliband find himself alarmed at the rapidly gathering support of his brother's leadership bid, here's a (roughly) consoling thought: he does at least have one backer. "I'm the older brother," explained Boris Johnson, asked of his preference by James O'Brien on LBC 97.3. "They're all cleverer, better looking and taller than me. I feel very strongly that David should have the first crack." Ammunition for team Ed, should things turn nasty (inevitable).

* Want to impress a Dame? Let us recommend that most ubiquitous of poultry establishments, Nando's. Judi Dench is a fan, apparently. "She took me there. She likes crispy wings," explains her young Midsummer Night's Dream co-star, Reece Ritchie, revealingly. "So if you ever see her, buy her some with piri piri sauce."

* Speaking of salubrious establishments, thanks to the reader who spied Brian May at a Hammersmith Starbucks. The guitarist became a Pandora regular prior to the election thanks to his campaign against the Tories. On Friday he could be found at the café, grim-faced. "He was updating his website and watching clips of himself on Youtube." Preparing for round two?

Eyes to Hollywood for Lembit?

A week after Lembit Opik's eviction from I'm A Celebrity – sorry, we mean the Commons – repercussions are still emerging. For instance: the disproving of Opik's own predictions. Back when the election was but a twinkle in Pandora's eye, Opik offered: "By this time in 2019 I would still hope to be MP for Montgomeryshire." He also mentioned "selling my life story to Hollywood", which may still happen. Quiet at the back!