Squaddies: Blair's a cooler shaker than spin doctors say

* For all his squiggling of good luck messages on the side of tanks, and offerings of thanks "from the bottom of my heart", Tony Blair's recent charm offensive on Our Boys in Iraq appears to have missed one crucial target.

Infantry soldiers with the Prime Minister's security detail during his flying visit - those entrusted with the task of protecting Tony from the rabid Islamicist jihadis and death squads stalking the country after the invasion - are miffed at an apparent snub, albeit unintentional.

The khaki troopers were informed by superiors that they would get the chance to press flesh with the PM, who wished to "pay a personal tribute" to them before continuing his legacy-craving voyage around the Middle East. He left for Israel without thanking them.

"The boys were given an assurance they'd meet him. It would have been a welcome effort - a gesture," I'm told. "But the meeting got lost in the scheme of things and he left without saying a word to them."

Once placed in the wider picture - avoiding sandstorms, desert creepy crawlies, gun-toting lunatics and suicide bombers - it probably won't disturb squaddies' sleep for long. But it would have been something to write home about, no doubt.

A squarehead in Downing Street promises to get back but doesn't bother. A helpful No 10 press officer tucked away in the Green Zone in Baghdad says it is "not something I've heard about", adding that he "wasn't aware of any special meeting". That's the point!

* One of the very foundations of rock 'n' roll these past two decades has been destroyed: RIP Noel Gallagher's "monobrow". (Hang on to your seat as Earth shakes off its axis.)

The Oasis songwriter appears to have sought rather non-hell-raising beauty treatment to offset middle age and the bristling, angry caterpillar that is prone to colonising 40-something male foreheads (think Denis Healey or Bert from Sesame Street).

At an acoustic concert at London's Union Chapel, Noel's infamous monobrow had clearly vanished. Was it plucked, electrolysed or waxed?

Comments his publicist: "Noel's on holiday at the moment so I'm sorry, he's not contactable." She was unable to say if he had gone for a " back, sack and crack" before packing his trunks.

Naturally, in the spirit of prize-winning investigative journalism, we won't let this drop.

* A busy week for Sir Elton John and his well-polished partner David Furnish.

The pair took to the red carpet on Monday evening for the premiere of their new movie, It's a Boy Girl Thing.

Two days earlier they attended Matt Lucas's pantomime-themed "CP" (civil partnership - catch up).

"Getting the outfits on wasn't a problem for me," said Sir Elton (Captain Hook). "It's getting them off these days that's difficult." The couple fly to Venice today to celebrate a year of marriage.

The film, which also stars Sharon Osbourne, is about a boy and a girl who end up inhabiting each other's bodies. One showbiz hack asked Osbourne whether or not she would consider swapping bodies with her swollen X-Factor colleague Simon Cowell.

"There, there, dear," she politely replied. "Have you been taking acid?"

* St George has been stripped of his (rusty) armour after a dismal sporting year for the English. But fear not: the 11 men of the All-Party Parliamentary Cricket Team take to the field today at Wellington's Botanical Gardens, playing the New Zealand Parliament.

Says captain Graham Allen MP (Lab): "Their cricketers are very inexperienced. Although a few years ago I came down here with the parliamentary rugby team and the Kiwis murdered us. They had four All Blacks in their side."

* Just one day left in The Independent's Christmas charity auction to buy a night out with Pandora. The winner can choose a book launch, film premiere or restaurant opening of their liking. And perhaps there'll be time afterwards for cocktails or even dinner (on Pandora, natch). The current high bid is £270. See www.independent.co.uk.

* Long-suffering readers may recall Pandora's "Birogate" story in August, when it emerged that John Prescott had spent £3,500 on 20,000 (pointless) engraved pens, just weeks before he was stripped of his responsibilities.

Well, he's at it again. (Flashing the cash, not "romancing" secretaries.) Prezza spent £645 of taxpayers' moolah on a new " Deputy Prime Minister's Office" sign to go outside his lair - to replace the previous "Office of the Deputy Prime Minister" plaque. Says Tory frontbencher Oliver Heald: "Prescott costs the taxpayer £2 m a year... burning cash on a vanity department... Whitehall farce... pointless new sign for a pointless new department... [cut for space]."

pandora@independent.co.uk