Tinkering with the tailors, soldiers and an MoD spy

Gordon Brown is not the only Cabinet member facing wagging fingers over costly shopping trips to the Savile Row tailor Gieves and Hawkes. The Chief Whip, Geoff "Buff" Hoon is also said to have blown a mint at the outfitter's during his time as Secretary of State for Defence.

It emerged earlier this week that Mr Brown spent £3,000 on a bespoke white tie and tails to wear to the Buckingham Palace state banquet in honour of Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah (see story below). Meanwhile, the Conservative leader David Cameron put it about that he had rented his clobber for a measly £100. Now, the backbench dirt-digger Kevan Jones (Lab, North Durham) has discovered that Mr Hoon sanctioned £5,175 of shopping at Gieves and Hawkes between 2003 and 2005 when he was in charge at the MoD.

A parliamentary answer reveals that the ministry spent £2,000 the first year and £3,175 the next. Mr Hoon was required to wear tails and a stiff collar at a state banquet for George Bush in November 2003, which may explain one of the payments.

Yesterday, the ministry was unable to shed light on whether it was Mr Hoon or a portly general who was measured and booted.

Mr Hoon displayed a similar lack of enthusiasm to explain the matter, or to say whether or not he has dark wool tails hanging in his wardrobe in Nottinghamshire.

Mr Jones, outraged by what he sees as inadequate government support for our past and current soldiers, says he will push this all the way and demand receipts.

Dickie idea? Tantrums over Rada's rebrand

Baron Dickie Attenborough is a fellow of the old school. Yet I hear of dissatisfaction within the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, of which he is president, at the newfangled methods of the managing director, Jeremy Newton.

Newton has hired the "strategic branding" consultancy Jane Wentworth Associates for Rada's first "brand strategy review". Normally this means a new logo, but the school's glittering alumni have also been sent a survey to complete. Some awkward responses have been leaked. For example, "Why did you choose to study here?" – "Because I wanted to be an actor".

"What do you think that Rada is not quite so good at?" – "Actor training."

"If Rada were a person, how would you describe them?" – "A Buddhist obsessed with balance sheets". [Keep smoking the joss sticks – Ed.]

"Is there anything else you would like to add?" – "How much does this exercise cost?"

Says a Rada source: "Rebranding when you are Rada is a quite ludicrous idea. It is like rebranding Oxford University." Ouch!

King takes it on the chin

Say what you like about King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia: you have to admire the man's facial hair.

The Saudi King flew over the white cliffs of Dover this week sporting a jet-black, bushy goatee. For a man of 83 years' standing, it is a mightily admirable specimen. There are those who speculate that the King may even – whisper it – receive a touch-up at his local Riyadh barber shop.

"Of course," says Brian Sumray, head barber at Harrods. "We were standing here this afternoon admiring it ourselves. We get quite a few requests for those sorts of jobs, although we don't like doing it as it's not natural."

Nevertheless, Sumray would be happy to help His Royal Highness next time he's in London. It takes half an hour and costs £35.

Flight of fancy

The battle for bigger airports is getting ugly: pro-flying lobbyists and anti-aviation campaigners are (metaphorically) tearing open those in-flight bags of nuts and hurling them at one another.

Airport Watch (anti) claims that the lobbyist Michelle Di Leo – who used to work for the British Lung Foundation but is now with the airport expansion group Flying Matters – wrote in under an assumed name (Bella Ragazza: Italian for "beautiful girl"), claiming to live in Italy and asking to be put on its mailing list. The hitch: the "From" field of the email says "Michelle Di Leo".

Di Leo dismisses the allegation as "fairly ludicrous" and says an enemy is playing dirty tricks on her and on Airport Watch. Very murky.

Blaze of glory

MPs may have gone home for a week while they wait for the Queen to turn up and give her speech, but don't believe nothing is happening in Westminster. On Monday evening, one can attend what initially appears to be an acid house rave opposite Parliament, aboard a barge-cum-pub moored on the Thames.

Closer inspection (turning over the flyer) reveals that "Gunpowder, Reason & Plot" is, in fact, a pro-smoking music night with DJs, a brief speech about Guy Fawkes by the historian Count Nikolai Dmitrievich Tolstoy-Miloslavsky (72), and a racy dramatisation of Sex, Scandal And Terrorism: Guy Fawkes' Women.

The organisers hope that "the Houses of Parliament will blow up while we are standing smoking on the deck". The cheek! Stick them on the racks at Gitmo!

Email: pandora@independent.co.uk