Tired and emotional Nigel's night out in Strasbourg

* Ukip leader Nigel Farage works too hard. Rival Euro MPs were enjoying an evening of Guinness and Celtic muzak in Strasbourg's Irish-themed pub Murphy's House, behind the cathedral, when they discovered an "extremely weary" Farage at the bar.

They rushed to help their stricken colleague, or, as one eyewitness put it, "fell over each other taking pictures on their mobile phones". Farage's minders fended off the amateur paparazzi. His group wobbled home.

"He was in a state when he got there and kept nodding off," says a witness. "He was 'assisted' out of the place by two of his staff. The last time I saw him he was being dragged down the road. I don't know how he got in [the bar] in the first place, let alone how he got home."

Pandora rang Farage to ask if he had a good night out, and to promise to obtain and publish the pictures, to make sure his hard work becomes a matter of public record. "Ha ha, er, thank you."

Farage explains: "I had got up at three o'clock that morning. I was doing something the night before and hardly had any sleep. It had been a long day and then I'd been for dinner." Once at Murphy's, "I ordered one drink and didn't even touch it by that point. Discretion played the better part of valour."

But were you carried out by your colleagues, Nigel? "Ha ha, I, er, think that's a bit of an exaggeration ... I had absolutely had it, certainly. I was dead meat by that stage of the day. It was an error to have walked into there in the first place. I was completely gone. I had a couple of drinks and I was done for."

Happens to us all!

* Residents of Midsomer Norton, Somerset, are feverishly excited by the arrival of Johnny Depp - particularly by the actor's visit to the town branch of Argos.

Depp, reported to have bought a 22-acre pad in nearby Timsbury after filming The Libertine in the area, was observed licking his lips as he filled in the order form with the stubby blue Joe Coral-type pen, then queuing to collect a large cardboard box.

"Among other things," says my mole, "it contained a potato peeler, catalogue number 861/0715. Maybe he's going to be the new face of Argos, masher in hand?"

Closer inspection reveals Depp's purchase to be a £59.99 "Cuisinier Stainless Steel 50-Piece Starter Set", containing an assortment of saucepans, baking trays, utensils, cutlery, chopping boards, egg cups, a pizza cutter, a sieve and the aforementioned spud peeler. All dishwasher safe. Expect it to sell out in days.

"Midsomer Norton is going wild. The hardware store has discounted its lavatory brushes in hope."

* Paul Weller maintains a diplomatic silence about the news that his former bandmates from The Jam, Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler, plan to reform without their talismanic frontman for some "deliberately intimate" gigs.

Says Weller's spokeswoman: "I'm intrigued that they could think of using the [band's] name." She adds: "I don't know what Paul thinks about it, or if he even knows, I'm afraid. He's currently abroad. I suggest you take a look at the message boards on his website."

The posts she steers us towards suggest an ugly mood in the Modfather's camp. "Outrageous" and "shameful" are two of the printable comments.

Weller's previous position is that he would have to be "destitute" before working with his old bandmates again. Probably rules it out, then.

* Labour loyalist Barry Sheerman gets a nostalgic mention in the new memoirs of anarchist Ian Bone.

In the provisionally and charmingly titled I Fucked Thatcher, Bone recalls how the veteran Huddersfield MP once came to his rescue when, during his time studying politics at Swansea, he faced a custodial sentence for a "public disorder offence". On hearing of the youngster's plight, Sheerman, then a lecturer at the uni, gave him a generous handout, enabling Bone to pay a heavy fine rather than visit the slammer.

Sheerman has fond memories of his troublesome charge. "Yes, I remember doing that for him," he chuckles. "He was always an interesting student, very much into the anarchism thing. I rather liked him. I also recall he had a very nice girlfriend."

* Members of the Parliamentary press corps are in trouble again, this time for encouraging the Palace of Westminster's exploding (not literally) mice population. The vermin infest the journalists' wing: nesting in desk drawers and the filthy mounds of old newspapers, scampering across keyboards, and munching on uneaten food instead of bait in the traps.

Lobby administrator Elizabeth Johnson - the owner of the Maori spear discovered during renovation work last year - has emailed hacks: "Quite honestly, our position is hard to defend. I have mouse droppings on my desk!"

One vigilante political editor is laying his own traps around his desk, and is reportedly disgusted with the behaviour of hippy colleagues who have taken to feeding a friendly rodent. "She's called Hazel, named after Hazel Blears. She's very perky. Our little ray of sunshine."

pandora@independent.co.uk