Patrick Stewart on plastic surgery: 'Fake boobs are weird, y'all'

The actor has loaned his voice to help promote Amy Poehler’s new book to glorious effect

Patrick Stewart has read Amy Poehler’s haiku on plastic surgery, filling a void that we never knew existed.

The actor and social media genius has loaned his voice to promote the comedian’s debut book, Yes Please, and the results are pretty gratifying.

Focusing on the subject of plastic surgery (an issue that’s been bandied about a plenty over the past week, after speculation regarding Renee Zellweger’s appearance), Stewart recites truly memorable lines such as the following highlights:

“A facelift does not make a daughter feel comfortable when you chaperone.”

“Fake boobs are weird, y’all.”

“Plastic surgery requires a good amount of lying to friends.”

“Can I be honest? You look like a lady from the Broadway show Cats.”

“Shooting poison in your face does not keep you from turning 50.”

All this can be listened to on the Wall Street Journal, who has an exclusive preview.

Stewart has been hired to feature on the Yes Please audiobook.

The book documents Poehler’s life story, from her childhood to career trajectory, as well as the odd bit of advice. All this sounds interesting enough, but Stewart’s well-spoken take on the comedian’s surgery poem is just perfect.

Unfortunately, the actor hasn’t tweeted any additional musings on the haiku as of yet, but here’s to hoping.