Carla's casebook

view gallery VIEW GALLERY

I am a 40-year-old former supermodel turned singer, and new first lady of France. Now my husband wants me to help him seduce the people of Grande Bretagne, but look what their dreadful tabloid newspapers are doing to me on my first day! How can I win them over?


Arrival, Wednesday



Nicolas (Sarkozy, my husband, who is the President) has his nuclear power. I have the power of fashion to help me. Here is the first of my many outfits for this trip, all designed by John Galliano for Christian Dior. (They will not go on sale until June.) An Englishman at a French design house? Entente incroyable! Hmm. That is a nice phrase. Perhaps I should mention it to Nicolas ...

Heathrow Airport, Wednesday
Enchanting manners, the Prince of Wales. I was assured that the hat of his wife was not alive. You see from the circle that Nicolas has stack heels. I wear flat shoes, so as not to overshadow him. He is a powerful and attractive man, my husband. He is not, however, a tall man

Westminster, Wednesday
Nicolas held my hand for a moment at Windsor Castle – until the Queen frowned. Public displays of affection are not à la mode in her household, it seems. Here, on the way to lay a wreath at the tomb of the Unknown Warrior, Nicolas whispers that his flame is still burning

The Queen, Wednesday
Curtseying to Her Majesty at Windsor. A quick dip, with knees together. The practice was worth it! Grey is the colour of the season, my friends at Dior say. This is me as Jackie Kennedy – not, as someone very rude said, an old-fashioned air hostess

The Duke, Wednesday
He is a witty man, Prince Philip. The wittiest in the world, or so my intense attentions were designed to say. The joke was something about having frogs for lunch. Doesn't Nicolas look a tiny bit jealous? Sales of my album trebled this week, they say – but only in Windsor. Prince Philip, merci bien!

'Daily Mail', Thursday
"What a difference a day makes!" Indeed. Today there are 17 pictures of me in this publication alone, including the naked one from 1993. Christie's is to auction the original print, and chose this week to say so. I wonder why. I saw Nicolas slip a clipping into his snakeskin wallet. This time, the 'Mail' feels no need to cover my breasts. The whole nation is getting to know me

House of Lords, Thursday
The perfect pose for an adoring wife, hand under chin as I appear to listen attentively. Nicolas speaks of an "entente amicale". Nice phrase. Unfortunately, some of their lordships appear to pay more attention to my ankles

Downing Street, Thursday
He is surprisingly affectionate, this Prime Minister. Nicolas, however, has a little more savoir faire with les femmes. I lunch with the impressive Madame Brown, Annie Lennox and other women. They are most surprised that I eat the ice-cream

The Guildhall, Thursday night
My final flourish in the UK, and no more grey. Silk by Dior (bien sûr) in Bordeaux red, the last of seven outfits in 48 hours. My bare shoulders are deemed inappropriate, and I am handed an ugly shawl. The Lord Mayor did not mind!

'The Sun', Friday
The story is about our boat trip, but the headline says it is me the tabloids love. "Carlamania?" Fantastique! I thank my etiquette coach, I thank Dior, but most of all I thank mon Dieu that newspaper editors are still mostly middle-aged men ...

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Guru Careers: Graduate Resourcer / Recruitment Account Executive

£18k + Bonus: Guru Careers: We are seeking a bright, enthusiastic and internet...

Reach Volunteering: Chair and trustees sought for YMCA Bolton

VOLUNTARY ONLY - EXPENSES REIMBURSED: Reach Volunteering: Bolton YMCA is now a...

Tradewind Recruitment: Geography Teacher

£150 - £180 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: Geography Teacher Geography teach...

Tradewind Recruitment: Geography Teacher

£150 - £180 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: Geography Teacher Geography teach...

Day In a Page

Fifa corruption: The 161-page dossier that exposes the organisation's dark heart

The 161-page dossier that exposes Fifa's dark heart

How did a group of corrupt officials turn football’s governing body into what was, in essence, a criminal enterprise? Chris Green and David Connett reveal all
Mediterranean migrant crisis: 'If Europe thinks bombing boats will stop smuggling, it will not. We will defend ourselves,' says Tripoli PM

Exclusive interview with Tripoli PM Khalifa al-Ghweil

'If Europe thinks bombing boats will stop smuggling, it will not. We will defend ourselves'
Raymond Chandler's Los Angeles: How the author foretold the Californian water crisis

Raymond Chandler's Los Angeles

How the author foretold the Californian water crisis
Chinese artist who posted funny image of President Xi Jinping facing five years in prison as authorities crackdown on dissent in the arts

Art attack

Chinese artist who posted funny image of President Xi Jinping facing five years in prison
Marc Jacobs is putting Cher in the limelight as the face of his latest campaign

Cher is the new face of Marc Jacobs

Alexander Fury explains why designers are turning to august stars to front their lines
Parents of six-year-old who beat leukaemia plan to climb Ben Nevis for cancer charity

'I'm climbing Ben Nevis for my daughter'

Karen Attwood's young daughter Yasmin beat cancer. Now her family is about to take on a new challenge - scaling Ben Nevis to help other children
10 best wedding gift ideas

It's that time of year again... 10 best wedding gift ideas

Forget that fancy toaster, we've gone off-list to find memorable gifts that will last a lifetime
Paul Scholes column: With the Premier League over for another year, here are my end of season awards

Paul Scholes column

With the Premier League over for another year, here are my end of season awards
Heysel disaster 30th anniversary: Liverpool have seen too much tragedy to forget fateful day in Belgium

Liverpool have seen too much tragedy to forget Heysel

Thirty years ago, 39 fans waiting to watch a European Cup final died as a result of a fatal cocktail of circumstances. Ian Herbert looks at how a club dealt with this tragedy
Amir Khan vs Chris Algieri: Khan’s audition for Floyd Mayweather may turn into a no-win situation, says Frank Warren

Khan’s audition for Mayweather may turn into a no-win situation

The Bolton fighter could be damned if he dazzles and damned if he doesn’t against Algieri, the man last seen being decked six times by Pacquiao, says Frank Warren
Blundering Tony Blair quits as Middle East peace envoy – only Israel will miss him

Blundering Blair quits as Middle East peace envoy – only Israel will miss him

For Arabs – and for Britons who lost their loved ones in his shambolic war in Iraq – his appointment was an insult, says Robert Fisk
Fifa corruption arrests: All hail the Feds for riding to football's rescue

Fifa corruption arrests

All hail the Feds for riding to football's rescue, says Ian Herbert
Isis in Syria: The Kurdish enclave still resisting the tyranny of President Assad and militant fighters

The Kurdish enclave still resisting the tyranny of Assad and Isis

In Syrian Kurdish cantons along the Turkish border, the progressive aims of the 2011 uprising are being enacted despite the war. Patrick Cockburn returns to Amuda
How I survived Cambodia's Killing Fields: Acclaimed surgeon SreyRam Kuy celebrates her mother's determination to escape the US

How I survived Cambodia's Killing Fields

Acclaimed surgeon SreyRam Kuy celebrates her mother's determination to escape to the US
Stephen Mangan interview: From posh buffoon to pregnant dad, the actor has quite a range

How Stephen Mangan got his range

Posh buffoon, hapless writer, pregnant dad - Mangan is certainly a versatile actor