Celebrity break-ups: What becomes of the broken hearted?

Sienna parties in Hollywood while Rhys drowns his sorrows in Cardiff
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The Independent Online

It happens incredibly rarely, but sometimes there is a reason for celebrities. Last week, the point of the rich and famous was to reassure the rest of us that, however wealthy they are, however gorgeous, talented or thin, celebrities occasionally have to deal with the same crap as we do. Even in Tinseltown, some things are inevitable. These things include death, taxes and getting chucked.

Just like so many break-ups, last week's split between Rhys Ifans and Sienna Miller seemed to come completely out of the blue. One minute she said he was her best friend, the love of her life, her soulmate: the next she dumped him on the phone. At least her modus operandi was respectful – she must have felt some residual affection, or she'd have got rid of him in an email.

Like normal people, Rhys and Sienna have each dealt with the break-up in a different way. While she immediately headed to LA to surround herself with sunshine, cocktails and beautiful people, he has gone to Wales. He needed to get home to the friends he could rely on, he said. Thanks to the pathetic fallacy, it was also pouring with rain in Cardiff.

While his tragic mini-break might seem counter-intuitive, Rhys's decision to head for the hills to nurse his broken heart could turn out to be the wiser.

Sienna will soon find that it is rubbish being miserable when it's hot and sunny and everyone around you is blonder and prettier than you are. She won't encounter nearly so much sympathy in the Sky Bar and the Viper Room as he will in Life, Kiwis and Fantasy Lounge. It'll hurt when she finds herself on Rodeo Drive when she could be in Chippy Lane.

Still, Rhys and Sienna's split-management techniques beat some in celebrity land. Neither one of them has so far sat in a market stall selling every scrap of furniture from their former love nest. She doesn't keep going back to his Paris flat to "walk their dog". Both heads are still unshaved, neither has tried to sue the other for £200m, and it's unlikely that either will appear on Panorama to apportion blame.

Looking on the bright side, he can finally start to wear heels again. Now all he has to do is to borrow George Clooney's statement about his recent split: "He is relieved to be single again. He thinks [she] is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down." Ouch. That would teach her to dump him on the phone.